delajoonal Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 ok...so, how do we do this people???? it is nearly Halloween, my fav holiday btw...and before we know it, Thanksgiving, Christmas, hanukkah, and um that big scary one.. New Year's Eve....no one to kiss this year:love: i thought maybe we can all post what we hope to be doing? where we will go or who we will be with? or do you all feel like me.. hide under the covers until iT is ALL OVER WITH:( and on another weird note.. do you think the weather, or change of seasons can affect our moods, i.e. become more depressed with the rain or even sunshiny days, etc.???
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 ok...so, how do we do this people???? it is nearly Halloween, my fav holiday btw...and before we know it, Thanksgiving, Christmas, hanukkah, and um that big scary one.. New Year's Eve....no one to kiss this year:love: i thought maybe we can all post what we hope to be doing? where we will go or who we will be with? or do you all feel like me.. hide under the covers until iT is ALL OVER WITH:( and on another weird note.. do you think the weather, or change of seasons can affect our moods, i.e. become more depressed with the rain or even sunshiny days, etc.??? delajoonal - I have been thinking a LOT about that. YIkes. My stbxw loved the holidays. Halloween thru New Year's Day. Always two parties - her family and then mine ... It is gonna be sooo F'ing hard this year after 16 years with her. To know that my 47 yr old stbxw will be going to the family parties with her 18 yr old BF just makes me wanna puke! I hope she looks like a fool to them. (oops, I don't want to be mean - just why couldn't she do the normal MLC crisis thing and find a guy 10 yrs. younger - not a little boy that could almost be her grandson?) Hang in there delajoonal - Try to have LOTS to do on those holidays - Friends, Family, ... PEACE
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 BTW - I feel for you - I believe your story and mine are somewhat similar.
PWSX3 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I understand how hard it can be for some, last year was my first year I guess without our family. For me the former wife had made the holidays pretty much something I didn't look forward to in the first place. She spent to much money at Christmas so we spent all the next year paying for it so holidays in the past haven't been the best. Now last year didn't do much for Halloween.... Thanksgiving to me is very important & we were lucky to have family in town so we all went to my folks..... Christmas was great, went to church for the first time on Christmas with my brother-in-law & his family, then we went to there house & played games. Then Christmas day we ate at my folks. New Years was even better, a bunch of us from divorce care got together at one of the gals house & we just played games, ate, and chatted. It was the group that had been together for 13 weeks in class so it was a good time. I would have to say for me this was my favorite holiday's in a long time & I'm really looking forward to this year with the G/F & the friends that I have met since then. O.K. I know you didn't want to hear good happy stories..... Something I was going to do but didn't is volunteer at a local church or soup line. I have heard so many good things about doing that, just makes you feel so good..... Invite some friends over & have a party at your house. My G/F is wanting to maybe do this. We might invite people from the classes we are taking now that don't have anyplace to go for Thanksgiving. Just make like a pot luck mean. I know it is very hard to do, but instead of looking at this as a sad time, try & make some new traditions, do something you might not feel is your style. Yes I do believe the cold, shorter days can affect your mood & how you feel.
Author delajoonal Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 I understand how hard it can be for some, last year was my first year I guess without our family. For me the former wife had made the holidays pretty much something I didn't look forward to in the first place. She spent to much money at Christmas so we spent all the next year paying for it so holidays in the past haven't been the best. Now last year didn't do much for Halloween.... Thanksgiving to me is very important & we were lucky to have family in town so we all went to my folks..... Christmas was great, went to church for the first time on Christmas with my brother-in-law & his family, then we went to there house & played games. Then Christmas day we ate at my folks. New Years was even better, a bunch of us from divorce care got together at one of the gals house & we just played games, ate, and chatted. It was the group that had been together for 13 weeks in class so it was a good time. I would have to say for me this was my favorite holiday's in a long time & I'm really looking forward to this year with the G/F & the friends that I have met since then. O.K. I know you didn't want to hear good happy stories..... Something I was going to do but didn't is volunteer at a local church or soup line. I have heard so many good things about doing that, just makes you feel so good..... Invite some friends over & have a party at your house. My G/F is wanting to maybe do this. We might invite people from the classes we are taking now that don't have anyplace to go for Thanksgiving. Just make like a pot luck mean. I know it is very hard to do, but instead of looking at this as a sad time, try & make some new traditions, do something you might not feel is your style. Yes I do believe the cold, shorter days can affect your mood & how you feel. PWS...OF COURSE i am happy to hear that you are looking forward to this years events...and that you have a gf and are doing so well..you are a good person and you deserve to be happy! i have NO family, my son of course, but i am encouraing him to spend it with HIS gf and her family, as they are a huge family and it will do him good to be happy and with alot of people and NOT have to think of what has happened to OUR own family this year.. see, MY family WAS my H's family...for 14 years, EVERY holiday was spent with them.. and i love them..and had a great time..and now this year..bam! alone..i never realized before just how ALONE i really am, as far as family goes.. i had 3 ideas for myself for this Christmas 1- go to NY and shop! 2- volunteer at Glide ( huge church in SF) 3- stay under the covers until IT is all over, as stated in first post. any other ideas or suggestions...or what other BS's have in mind for themselves? gosh, i used to LOVE Halloween and well, all the holidays...now..i can't even imagine wth i am going to do with myself:( p.s. PWS ..one thing that stood out...NO CC bills and paying for all those gifts for the entire following year..LOL
Aksion Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 ....I was actually just thinking about this less than an hour ago. We always went to my moms, then over to my grandmother's house for dinner with everyone. So I do still have family around, but its still going to be very lonely. No reason to put up a xmas tree in my house, nobody to wake up to and enjoy opening presents with...ok I'm done before I start to get too sad again. I'm thinking about just going with your #3...
trippi1432 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 ok...so, how do we do this people???? it is nearly Halloween, my fav holiday btw...and before we know it, Thanksgiving, Christmas, hanukkah, and um that big scary one.. New Year's Eve....no one to kiss this year:love: i thought maybe we can all post what we hope to be doing? where we will go or who we will be with? or do you all feel like me.. hide under the covers until iT is ALL OVER WITH:( and on another weird note.. do you think the weather, or change of seasons can affect our moods, i.e. become more depressed with the rain or even sunshiny days, etc.??? Halloween, I will be at Carowinds with my son....Scare-o-winds. Thinking about dressing up like BeetleJuice so I can embarrass the kid...lol Nov. 12th - Chris Daughtry concert, taking son and bringing earplugs while he jams to Theory of a Dead Man. Thanksgiving - I will be spending with my Mom and Step-dad and hopefully grandmother if she lives til then due to Alzhiemers. Christmas and New Years - Son and I will be in Naples, Florida visiting my Dad and Step-mom. They usually get booked for a DJ show on New Year's so we typically have a lot of fun. Plus they both just got his and her Harley's, so we might ride with them down to the Keys for a day. Not putting up a tree since we won't be home. Wow!! Looking at all of this....if my husband were still with me....I probably wouldn't be doing half of this and would be bored to tears.
jessiebee Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 ok...so, how do we do this people???? it is nearly Halloween, my fav holiday btw...and before we know it, Thanksgiving, Christmas, hanukkah, and um that big scary one.. New Year's Eve....no one to kiss this year:love: i thought maybe we can all post what we hope to be doing? where we will go or who we will be with? or do you all feel like me.. hide under the covers until iT is ALL OVER WITH:( and on another weird note.. do you think the weather, or change of seasons can affect our moods, i.e. become more depressed with the rain or even sunshiny days, etc.??? Well, we were supposed to be getting married this Halloween, but since he asked me to postpone that I will be taking our two children out as tinkerbell and peterpan... He Hasn't even mentioned buying them costumes yet After that who knows some years we would stay here and others we would go to his families house in VA for Thanksgiving.... I hope he just stays here and decides he wants to spend the holidays together as a family but I'm not counting on it... as of right now he can't stand to be around me or so he says. I can only pray for peace these holidays because I know they are going to be hard to get through and I refuse to spend any one of them without my children ....They help the days go by a lot easier:love:
2.50 a gallon Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Holidays Find something to do to keep yourself busy and establish new traditions. I was always a good cook pre-marriage, though the XW was unaware of it as she prided cooking for her man. It was her kitchen, so to boast her ego I kept silent. With the coming of the holidays I found these great cookies cutters, the little boy in me shouted out to buy them. And I set forth baking cookies, then decorating them to the hilt, even went so far as giving Santa blue eyes. Spent many a happy hour baking and decorating. This was not an adult activity, it was taken over by the little boy within, a way to sort of revisit my childhood. I took them to work, shared them with friends, my fellow apartment dwellers, and the ladies went nuts over them. The next year I had queries from several ladies, "Are you doing cookies this year?" The results were several volunteered to come over to help and decorate, they in turn were able to let the little girl inside of them come out. I never did find the appropriate wine for cookie making, but they didn't seem to care
2.50 a gallon Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 (edited) Halloween was great, get a great costume, and hit the bars, and being incognito, could ask the prettiest girls to dance. Thanksgiving, bake a turkey, invited my male friends, who had no where to go also, over for a day of feasting and football. Christmas, I almost always had a GF to celebrate with, hang lights decorate, shop, etc. Good times until Christmas eve and day. I almost always got moody and sullen for those two days. Even though I generally had a lady friend to share the holiday with, it was depressingly sad, as none of these relationships were ever slated to lead to marrieage and family. This was the only time I truly missed the XW, as the future with her had held the promise of kids. She was the one who was going to be the mother of my children. It was a realization that the idea of watching my kids tearing open their Christmas presents was never going to happen. Eventually I learned to volunteer to work so others could spend that day with their families. They all thought that I was a great guy to fill in their spot and never realized that I was doing it to protect myself and to keep busy Even though I am in a LTR relationship with what I consider to be the most beutiful woman on this planet, in one hour and 45 minutes we will celebrate our 14th anniversay, I still suffer from this problem. Christmas it a most happy time for us we go all out celebrating. We have already began to decorate, have hung the holloween lights, and some tiny christmas lights, at the first of Novemeber we will take our holiday china out of storage, and begin taking down the halloween lights and hanging the Christmas lights. But Christmas eve and day are sad. No kids or grandkids, and the holidays and football season are about over. 30 years later the XW can still get to me Edited October 15, 2009 by 2.50 a gallon
Author delajoonal Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Holidays Find something to do to keep yourself busy and establish new traditions. I was always a good cook pre-marriage, though the XW was unaware of it as she prided cooking for her man. It was her kitchen, so to boast her ego I kept silent. With the coming of the holidays I found these great cookies cutters, the little boy in me shouted out to buy them. And I set forth baking cookies, then decorating them to the hilt, even went so far as giving Santa blue eyes. Spent many a happy hour baking and decorating. This was not an adult activity, it was taken over by the little boy within, a way to sort of revisit my childhood. I took them to work, shared them with friends, my fellow apartment dwellers, and the ladies went nuts over them. The next year I had queries from several ladies, "Are you doing cookies this year?" The results were several volunteered to come over to help and decorate, they in turn were able to let the little girl inside of them come out. I never did find the appropriate wine for cookie making, but they didn't seem to care ahh...my fav holiday thing to do...my son and i did this for geez.. close to 20 years. and yes, it is fun when others day, HEY what about those cookies this year..LOL..and even come over to help decorate... i DID find the perfect wine for those sugar cookies with cream cheese frosting.. CHAMPAGNE!! YUMMMMMMY!
Author delajoonal Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 30 years later the XW can still get to me i can feel the pain in your words gallon...this sentence stuck in my neck...ugh! i so know how you feel...i am scared i will never ever find anyone again, NOT that i am even looking..NO one is even remotely attractive to me...i am just not ready...after 14 years with ONE man, and 8 months later alone...after H leaving me..i still am grieving and in too much pain...sometimes i DO think IT will last forever..
tojaz Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 30 years later the XW can still get to me Well, I've got that to look forward to.:o:( My holiday plans, or lack there of? Probably a lot of hiding under the covers like Dela said. I am Making Halloween Costumes for my nephews and may escort them around Trick or Treating too. Probably just going to abstain from Thanksgiving all together, I always looked forward to spending holidays with her family, always felt more accepted and welcome with them then my own. Probably a turkey sandwich and football and nothing else. Christmas will probably just be me going through the motions. Used to love going all out on Christmas, even though it was just the two of us, we would decorate and still woke up early Christmas morning like a couple of kids! Unfortunately, not going to be able to afford to do much this year, and the desire just isn't there anymore, I can't spend the day watching all the happy families and being reminded of what I lost. NewYears, I don't even want to think about it, probably drink too much and spend the day on LS. What a depressing thought.:( TOJAZ
broken hearted Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Oh man, th holidays are going to suck...to say the least! Christmas is going to all but kill me since it was by far my most favorite! I was so looking forward to starting family traditions together w the kids since our son was getting to the age where he understands Christmas and Santa Claus! Not sure how I will get through them...
Author delajoonal Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Oh man, th holidays are going to suck...to say the least! Christmas is going to all but kill me since it was by far my most favorite! I was so looking forward to starting family traditions together w the kids since our son was getting to the age where he understands Christmas and Santa Claus! Not sure how I will get through them... broken..i have followed your story..i am so sorry for your children and YOU. this is a horrific time of year for this to happen. but you have your kids and gosh, that is so important..to wake up everyday to those sweet faces:) and YOU will be their Santa this year..i suggest getting some other mom friends together and making a date of Toys R Us together... or even if youi go alone...you WILL have fun toy shopping i promise... my son is 23 years old...toy shopping is over for me, until the grand kids start arriving..but not for a while..PLEASE..LOL...weird as it may sound, i envy you this Christmas...your kids will keep you smiling and having fun, take lots of pics and start your OWN traditions...if your son is old enough, ask him what he would like to be a regular family tradition on Christmas...let HIM be the man of the house this ONE day:) take care sweetie..you have been thru so much...
broken hearted Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I am very close to my brother who lives in San Diego with his wife. They come home every year for Christmas and I am very much looking forward to seeing them. I'm thinking of asking my brother to spend Christmas Eve night here with me and my kids at my house to help me through it. I want it to be as fun and memorable for my kids as possible and I'm terrified that if I am alone, I will just cry and be depressed and that's not what I want for my kids...
phineas Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Hallooween was a big deal to her. This yr she is taking them trick or treating. I'm having a costume party for him & a bunch of other little kids so it works out. Thanksgiving & christmas were always screwed up. Since my wife decided my family was against her she would go to her dad's without the kids. This yr. no idea. we'll have to split it up I guess or do it different days. depends on whether the holiday falls on her day or mine maybe? Not worried about it. New yrs i usually go to my friends house. kids, games ect. it's low key usually. There probably won't really be too big of a difference other than i'll be flying solo. Or not. who knows. it's a few months away.
Auroracoladybug Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I guess in a way I lucked out that J was a hermit... Halloween I will be Eeyore and baby will be Piglet...trick or treat like normal (freezing here) Thanksgiving dinner at my sisters probably...tradition also is Lost Souls dinner the Saturday following Thanksgiving at my sisters MILs house...anyone is welcome and it is a big group of friends (lots of fun!)and J never seemed to participate much Christmas eve usually at my dads and play UNO...Christmas depends on custody I guess seems court will be on the 14th...If I have the baby in the morning then wake up to stockings, presents, and a good christmas breakfast (did this with family and had omlets, breakfast burritos, pancakes, just everything)...If I have the baby in the evening then I am sure a good turkey celebration...I am sure that my friends and family will be there for the baby and I in either case... Dela, Tojaz, you can come join me I want to be with J but that is not how it is and I will not make plans to miss him I just will...and yes Broken start those holiday traditions between you and the kids now, make an ornament for you and your son and even help him make one for dad, get a picture with santa together, make those cookies...I suggest everyone start the passing of a gag gift for each year between friends and for the kids.. (leave a note in the gift about getting a good laugh and that it is now that persons mission to pass it on...kinda like the story of the old yellow shirt)...my family way back when got lots of small gifts and wrapped them for BINGO and after all the gifts were won we would open them and trade if we wanted...good for bad weather...
sumdude Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Damn.. I have no clue. So much has changed in the last few years. After my mother's passing, my ex wife leaving and then Dad's passing last year it's all up in the air... Everything is so different. I imagine Turkey Day and X-Mas I'll be at my brother's with his family and his in laws. Beyond that it's just one day at a time.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 This will be my first set of holidays alone, ever. Even though we were separated, H and I would spend holidays together as a family unit - visiting extended family, etc. Now, STBXH will be taking his GF with him to family events, and I just don't have the inclination to drive all the way home to be with my family. We aren't especially close anyway. I haven't decided yet if I am going to even acknowledge the holidays. I may just treat them as any other day, and just sleep and be lazy.
2.50 a gallon Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Think of it this way, if you bah humbug the holidays they win again. As stated before in this thread start new traditions For you single guys, try cooking your own turkey on Thanksgiving. You don't need stuffing, just peel and half an apple, stick in the turkey and throw it away when the turkey is done. Invite your single buddies over for turkey, beer and football For Christmas, be wary of the old decorations. Too many memories! Now is the time to buy new lights and balls at Goodwill, they are cheap and every other Saturday they are half price. For this year do something, even if it is just baby steps, it will help in the future.
2.50 a gallon Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Dela I gave up on the wine and switched to pina coladas. The champagne and strawberries was reserved for the next mornings breakfast in bed Cookies, yeah we will be baking them next week, in fact I think they are one of the reasons I have my present GF.
skywriter Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Dela, 2.50 gal. is right, don't let them win again! Dela, you are one of the most open minded posters on LS. I imagine you have plenty of friends that care for you and would be pissed off at the idea of you being alone or lonely, anytime, holiday or not. My son is just a bit older than yours, he's 24 yrs old. He's so protective of me and I imagine yours may be as well. If your son knows how you're feeling, he'll be encouraging you as well. Try to surround yourself with good, loving, people, if you are up to it, that is. If only for a while, it'll help you to cope better. It's a step...peace....
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I did pick up Gourmet magazine at work yesterday (their very last issue, for some useless trivia) and will probably experiment with some dishes. There was a very good looking one for an oyster casserole. I might make a dinner, or just piecemeal some stuff from the magazine. Unfortunately, I don't have any friends single or otherwise that don't already have plans. I am not sure how I feel about it yet, but so far it doesn't seem to bad. I'm not a big fan of the holidays anyway.
Author delajoonal Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Dela, 2.50 gal. is right, don't let them win again! Dela, you are one of the most open minded posters on LS. I imagine you have plenty of friends that care for you and would be pissed off at the idea of you being alone or lonely, anytime, holiday or not. My son is just a bit older than yours, he's 24 yrs old. He's so protective of me and I imagine yours may be as well. If your son knows how you're feeling, he'll be encouraging you as well. Try to surround yourself with good, loving, people, if you are up to it, that is. If only for a while, it'll help you to cope better. It's a step...peace.... wow...THANK YOU for the kind words...really, it means alot. i don't, however, have a ton of friends, unfortunately, i have been pretty picky thru out my life..but the ones i have, i have had for 30 years... in fact, i just got an invitation to go to colorado for the holidays...and i have always dreamed of a white snowy christmas wtih good people and friends. since i fly for free, H works for airlines might as well use up the benefits before the D is finall...LOL, i am seriously thinking about it.. when H first left, the first thing i thought of was the holidays...because when he left it was just on our wedding anniversary and around Easter....so it made me think of the end of the year holidays..anyway, i started making plans THEN to go to NY and see the big tree at Rockefeller Center and get a big plushy room at the Plaza, and have room service and well..pretend i am Kevin in Home Alone...LOL anyway...the year before last was spent alone in bed..with a 102 fever, my H was in the hospital having emergency surgery, so H was in the hospital and i was home alone and Christmas came and went..and to be honest..it wasn't as bad as one would thnk..because i was too sick to go to the hospital and be with my H, we talked on the phone and we both just rested... then last year we rented a big truck and did this whole road trip thing..even leaving at 4AM...ack!..LOL..it was fun...we listened to the comedy channel and got snacks , took siily pics along the way...but when we go to our destination..IT WAS SUCKY...it was a sucky holiday with his famiily...first time ever too... then i got bronchitis, and we had to come home early..LOL...see where i am going with thiis...LOL.. i seem to get sick EVERY year... so see, staying home might not be so bad...but who knows...after reading some your posts, i have some dif ideas and since have gotten that nice invite wtih a friend to the snow... to be honest too..as much as i miss my IL's, i am glad i don't have to get dressed up and do that whole traditional thing this year...when i just always wanted to stay in my PJ's all day and watch movies..LOL so far tho..NO tree!...but that could change too now.. people are talking NEW traditions...maybe i will get the worlds biggest PINKEST christmas TREE ever! NOW THAT would be a fabulous Christmas..LOL also, i am still liking my second choice, only below staying under the covers, is volunteering at our local church, Glide Memorial..i am sure you have all heard of it..Google it...it is an amazing place that does amazing things for people of walks of life...started going there when i was preggers with my son...and ol' Cecil Williams is still there and hasn't changed a bit..LOL....so that would be a good thing to do..right? ok...so here i have rambled on and on...again..sorry guys. please keep posting more thoughts and ideas...
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