emma84 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I've been reading other peoples' posts on this forum for the past few months and now I hope that you all can give me some advice/support. My boyfriend of 6 years just broke up with me, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be single. I've never lived by myself before. I am so crushed and I just feel myself falling apart. Any advice you can offer is greatly appreciated.
JaggedRoad Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 You have to pull yourself together and get by on your own now. It's devastating now, but you'll be better than ever once you get through this. Don't do it for him--do it for yourself. Prove to yourself that you can make it on your own. I don't know your story, but good luck.
Lamak Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Don't contact him for awhile and look back on the relationship. Just try to understand where things went wrong, then focus on moving on. Don't keep going back and forth.
adamt Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 (edited) It is very very early days for you. Your head will be all over the place. You will break down randomly as soon as the ex enters your head. you will struggle to eat,sleep,motivate yourself. This is normal and expected. The important thing at the moment is not to contact the ex. Any contact while you are in a state will mess up any chance there is of getting back together. just take things day by day, try to push yourself to do little bits each day and keep yourself busy. Talk to friends about it all. dont bottle things up. if you feel the urge to contact the ex then call a friend or family instead. remember, we have all been there. You wil be thinking that there is no one else out there. I was where you were about 4-5 months ago,I would break down at work and have to go hide in the toilet.I couldnt focus on my work for 2 weeks. i worked hard sorting myself out. i just joined an online dating web site last week. then a few days ago a stunning looking girl added me. So i have started exchanging messages. The butterflies are coming back. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. Nothing may come of it but it shows you do recover. I'm 38 and even at my age there are other fish in teh sea, just harder to catch! DOnt worry about wanting to find someone else, that will happen in time. At the moment just think about looking after yourself. When your head is clearer you will look back at the relaionship and see what went wrong. Just dont bottle things up and talk to friends or family about it all. Slowly you will improve. then start to push yourself to get out and about, no matter how small. take up new hobbies, find new interests, join a gym or sports,read books. basically focus on yourself only, rebuild yourself. Just remember no one wants to date a sad person, if you have lots of interests and look happy then that will attract people and you will have a lot to talk about. Try to forget about the ex coming back, if they do want to come back they will even if you are moving on.Only you can fix yourself I hope this gives you some strength to get though it. Edited October 15, 2009 by adamt
Author emma84 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 It is very very early days for you. Your head will be all over the place. You will break down randomly as soon as the ex enters your head. you will struggle to eat,sleep,motivate yourself. This is normal and expected. The important thing at the moment is not to contact the ex. Any contact while you are in a state will mess up any chance there is of getting back together. just take things day by day, try to push yourself to do little bits each day and keep yourself busy. Talk to friends about it all. dont bottle things up. if you feel the urge to contact the ex then call a friend or family instead. remember, we have all been there. You wil be thinking that there is no one else out there. I was where you were about 4-5 months ago,I would break down at work and have to go hide in the toilet.I couldnt focus on my work for 2 weeks. i worked hard sorting myself out. i just joined an online dating web site last week. then a few days ago a stunning looking girl added me. So i have started exchanging messages. The butterflies are coming back. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. Nothing may come of it but it shows you do recover. I'm 38 and even at my age there are other fish in teh sea, just harder to catch! DOnt worry about wanting to find someone else, that will happen in time. At the moment just think about looking after yourself. When your head is clearer you will look back at the relaionship and see what went wrong. Just dont bottle things up and talk to friends or family about it all. Slowly you will improve. then start to push yourself to get out and about, no matter how small. take up new hobbies, find new interests, join a gym or sports,read books. basically focus on yourself only, rebuild yourself. Just remember no one wants to date a sad person, if you have lots of interests and look happy then that will attract people and you will have a lot to talk about. Try to forget about the ex coming back, if they do want to come back they will even if you are moving on.Only you can fix yourself I hope this gives you some strength to get though it. Thank you so much. That is exactly what I needed to hear. It will take time to move on but what you wrote really helps.
adamt Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Thank you so much. That is exactly what I needed to hear. It will take time to move on but what you wrote really helps. Glad it was of some help. Looking back the first 2 months after break up was a blurr. Sometimes i would be crying in my car when i was driving home from work as the emotions build up during the day. lots of things would remind me of the ex, even just walking or driving down streets. it was so hard to do anything. you think you will never recover. I think I am at the stage where i miss the company rather than the person now, and once i find someone else. i will move on. it is the quiet times where you feel it. See it as a new chapter in your life, a chance to be selfish. A chance to do things you couldnt do in before. Me getting attention from a pretty girl is helping to get back my self confidence. yeah it may or may not work out but it feels good to know there are other fish in the sea. It is going to be a tough 4-5 months for you but if you are determined to recover and move on then in 4 months time you will be the one giving out advice. here is a thread i started way back in july. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t194453/ here are my first few post just after breaking up. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=185571&page=2 Just dont worry about meeting someone else, just work on yourself to begin to enjoy living and doing things you like. Nothing wrong with being single. You just need time to adjust. Good luck!
tryagaintoday Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I was where you were about 4-5 months ago,I would break down at work and have to go hide in the toilet.I couldnt focus on my work for 2 weeks. yeah, the breaking down and having to hide in the toilet. I did it so often and when I came back with red eyes, everyone was thinking that I was doing coke! hang in there emma, it was just slightly over a month for me and I am feeling much better already! Just remember everyday you'll feel better and in no time, it will be all good!
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