Bulldozed Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I'm new to this and would really love to here your input! Thanks in advance! My girlfriend and I for (2 yrs) split up at the end of August. We had a nice evening, an open and honest chat about the two us needing to take a break for a while. Job issues, she still lives at home w/her folks (at age 40 i might add). A number of reasons cited. She doesn't wish to date (at least she said so)...nor did she want to "break up" for good. Our 2 yrs together was pretty damn healthy...she used to comment how easy it was for the two of us. "we just worked" among many other great things. Contrasting that with the losers she had before me, I always tried to be as loving and supportive as possible. 2 wks prior to our split, we discussed her moving in before the upcoming holidays. That same evening, she asked my own mother if she had announced the newest member to her side of the family, at a recent reunion, HER....words mean things, and I've been absolutely blindsided by this one..!!! She and I use to go out to dinner with another couple; the 4 of us, and their 4 yr old boy. The wife, was one of my girls best friends (going back over 20yrs)....she stood up in their wedding. 2 wks after our last dinner, back in March for the husbands 40th....the wife splits on him. Unable to reach her, the husband reaches out to my girlgirlfriend, hoping she can find out what's going on....a month later, the wife appears at my girlfriends place of work, to reach out and share her side of the story, when my girlfriend jokingly asks her if she can date the husband since they're now separated? The wife later let classy know what she thought of her.... I might add my girlfriend has been married and divorced twice, and had a repeat 3.5 yr relationship with her "1st lover" from high school, just prior to the two of us getting together in 07'. Each one of these guys for some reason sought solitude from her, each recluding in the basement with booze, drugs, or on the town with other woman...she's had horrible past experiences. Fortunatley no kids. Flash forward to know, just 3 wks after our split ( i mean break) on August 28th, she is now spending the night at this former friends, ex-husbands house, and do so at least 2-3 times a week. Clearly they're too old for sleepovers? I know this because his house is literally just blks away from mine. Now for the survey question: I'm convinced the assessment of this woman's character would be in her favor. In fact, I'd have to say the poll results would probably be in the 95-99% unfavorable view of this person as a decent human being. when is it ever appropriate to make oneself emotionally available to the spouse of friend, who you had a 20 yr friendship with, ultimately leading to eventually dating. All the while, insisting to their current lover that the two of them are just friends? Would love to hear the feedback!
GorillaTheater Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Sorry for your pain, Bulldozed. I think you may want to forget about trying to figure out what she's thinking (if anything). You're far better off putting your energy into putting her and this relationship behind you. Why is she doing what she's doing? The correct answer is "who gives a f*ck".
Author Bulldozed Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Alpha - appreciate both yours and gorilla's comments...it's really almost too hard to believe....I really am having a hard time processing how any decent person could do something like this, especially considering she and I were good friends for over 10 yrs, prior to us dating...tried the nc approach, but was soon met with text messages...most of which were pretty innocent....more recently, just 2-3 wks ago, she sent a text about a baseball game that was on and we went back-n-forth a few times...all innocent...2 hrs later, I texted her "how was that for a finish" she responded, it was awesome, I was at the game!! to which I replied excellent for you....who went? she responded "does it matter"....? I called her on the carpet, as I assume she went w/her girlfriends ex...the next morning, presumably "sober"...she said " for the record I didn't go to the game, I watched it at the bar". Seriously, a 40 yr old playing Junior High school games???? of course, her car was at this cheezballs house the very next morning, as his house is literally on my way to work, so I presume the two of them were having some fun at my expense? ....how "F**cked up is that....?
mark982 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 why even be part of her childish games? block,ignore her and move on.
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