alphamale Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 i've never dated a female musician. i would think they would be flighty and of loose morals
GorillaTheater Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 i've never dated a female musician. i would think they would be flighty and of loose morals Drug addicts, most of them.
tigressA Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 The FWB-turned-"friend" I had a couple threads on recently, who I had liked for two years and I finally fessed up to weeks ago, is a musician. He's in an indie band; they've released a couple of albums and done limited club tours. He sings, plays guitar, piano, trumpet, and drums. He was a music industry/recording tech major at our school and he has his own equipment so he can do production/sound/editing. He also has a solo project where he does everything--lyrics, vocals, instrumental, production. He tends to engage in major-league douchebaggery, allegedly "without even realizing it until someone confronts me with it". Definitely needs to grow up. He's not much of a slut, really--he actually has a habit of recycling girls. I wouldn't automatically pass on dating a musician in the future because like AlektraClementine said, there really is nothing like being around someone with that kind of genius, and of course there are some out there who are genuinely good guys, but my general view of them does tend to be tainted.
Soul Bear Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 i've never dated a female musician. i would think they would be flighty and of loose morals That's my ex down to a T. And guess what.....yep, she was a singer, very sassy. hmmmm I have now contradicted myself.
espec10001 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 If you want a good time date a musician. If you want commitment steer clear.
Soul Bear Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Drug addicts, most of them. Yup...Also spot on, she was addicted to pot,mushrooms,acid occasionally and gor knows what else. OK, so maybe some musicians fit the stereotype, but not ALL musicians do..
alphamale Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 OK, so maybe some musicians fit the stereotype, but not ALL musicians do.. people who by choice work late at night for meager wages generally have some issues
Soul Bear Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 people who by choice work late at night for meager wages generally have some issues Ahhaa! Some do it for money and some do it for the love of it-free
sumdude Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Sigh... ok here's a rant. What do you folks expect musicians to be like!?! When you go to see a show what do you do? You go to let loose, party hardy, you pack your coolers, put on your F me pumps and little slinky dresses. You buy shots all around. There's the band waiting to entertain you. Imagine if your job and passion almost always took place in a bar, club, festival etc etc.. You're surrounded by partiers you can't help but join in. But wait... there's a cover??!! Oh well $15 is too much maybe $3 though. So you all go home, get laid and party down while the band is left to pack up the gear. Maybe the singer picks up some drunk girl so he's useless to help carry things. The rest of the band grumbles and keep packing. Then they wait for the club to cash everything out. They'll give ya a beer while your waiting. 3AM rolls around and the band gets paid. They drag their butts home with like $50 in each pocket after a nights work.. never mind all the hours of non paid rehearsal time. Why do they do it? Most quit after their 20's cause yah it was a party and fun but that's it. Others get day jobs but love music so much they just keep doing it because if they don't they don't feel right or fulfilled. Some go full time and barely scrape by but it's their passion and what else can they do? People simply aren't willing to pay for the entertainment. Sure they'll spend $110 on dinner for two. $150 for a pair of shoes, $70 on a of cute sweater for their yappy dog but pay the band decent money for a nights work!!! feh! Oh yeah but there's those few, the ones who actually make it big. They get surrounded by even bigger partiers and hangers on who act like friends.. but really they're just fame leeches. Then one day your not on the charts, the hot ex just took you for half of your $$ which he/she did nothing to earn and you find out the brother in law who was your agent sold you out.. And it's all on TV and the papers and everyone talk about you and how effed up you are. See?? Still we entertain you at our own expense. ... Ok done ranting..
sumdude Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 people who by choice work late at night for meager wages generally have some issues How much emptier would life be without music? This song says it all. If I could stick my pen in my heart And spill it all over the stage Would it satisfy ya, would it slide on by ya Would you think the boy is strange? Ain't he strange? If I could win ya, if I could sing ya A love song so divine Would it be enough for your cheating heart If I broke down and cried? If I cried? I said I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it, like it, yes, I do Oh, well, I like it, I like it, I like it I said can't you see that this old boy has been a lonely? If I could stick a knife in my heart Suicide right on stage Would it be enough for your teenage lust Would it help to ease the pain? Ease your brain? If I could dig down deep in my heart Feelings would flood on the page Would it satisfy ya, would it slide on by ya Would ya think the boy's insane? He's insane I said I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it I said I know it's only rock'n roll but I like it, like it, yes, I do Oh, well, I like it, I like it, I like it I said can't you see that this old boy has been a lonely? And do ya think that you're the only girl around? I bet you think that you're the only woman in town I said I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it I said I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it I said I know it's only rock 'n roll but i like it I said I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it, like it, yes, I
Kamille Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 That was kind of my point though: music is a tough scene and being a musician is tough! I have a group of friends who are musicians who are in great stable relationships, but man do they have to work their butts off. They all chose to specialize in something else, often music-related (sound engineering, starting their own record label or running their own music festival, etc.) i'm not blaming musicians - but what those of us who've dated musicians are saying (well at least me): there is something about the very fact that music is a tough scene that makes it so dating a musician can be quite a roller-coaster ride. My musicians exes never cheated on me that I'm aware of, but at the same time they could never really commit to a relationship precisely because they couldn't offer any kind of long term stability. Music is one of those fields that requires a lot of dedication, and that's something that can be hard for a musician's partner to handle. Basically, few of the musicians I dated could ever make our relationship a priority: their music - understandably - came first. The relationships were often lopsided. While I understand why, it didn't make dating a musician any easier.
sumdude Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I have a group of friends who are musicians who are in great stable relationships, but man do they have to work their butts off. They all chose to specialize in something else, often music-related (sound engineering, starting their own record label or running their own music festival, etc.) Yeah.. that's basically my social circle as well. Though I'm currently single again. I ended up in the audio and broadcasting business but still do the music on the side. It really is tiring to live two lives but when I tried to totally give it up I ended up a very unhappy person.
Kamille Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Yeah.. that's basically my social circle as well. Though I'm currently single again. I ended up in the audio and broadcasting business but still do the music on the side. It really is tiring to live two lives but when I tried to totally give it up I ended up a very unhappy person. Exactly! It's one of those damned if you damned if you don't field. I always support more funding for the arts because I KNOW artists work hard. Else they can't make a living. And what's more, like you say, musicians often feel like they're sacrificing a part of themselves when they try to give it up. But all this adds up to: dating a musician isn't easy. It's a demanding career where musicians have to put themselves foward, have to learn to make their work a priority and that can be hard for non-artists to understand. And it can be really hard on a relationship because the amount of sacrifices musicians make often mean they don't even realize that they're neglecting their partners. I don't know how to explain it. In my experience it's that they become so focus on "having to make it" that they can't cope with any request for attention that isn't directly related to their career.
Author pandagirl Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 And what's more, like you say, musicians often feel like they're sacrificing a part of themselves when they try to give it up. Yeah. I've dated guys in bands, and it's true -- it's their priority, which makes it hard to be in a relationship when you feel like you're always second fiddle. I've also dated "failed musicians." Guys in their 30s who have given up on the dream of "making it." There's a sadness in them that makes me feel sorry for them. I can't blame them.
sumdude Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 But all this adds up to: dating a musician isn't easy. It's a demanding career where musicians have to put themselves foward, have to learn to make their work a priority and that can be hard for non-artists to understand. And it can be really hard on a relationship because the amount of sacrifices musicians make often mean they don't even realize that they're neglecting their partners. I don't know how to explain it. In my experience it's that they become so focus on "having to make it" that they can't cope with any request for attention that isn't directly related to their career. Well I'm past the whole "making it" idea though I still always want a better gig! It sure is hard for a non artist to 'get it' though. Most of my music buddies have good day jobs.. Many are married and have kids, usually when the kids are babies the guys stop gigging more or less. But at some point the sirens of music call to them and they find some way to make it happen. If only once or twice a month. Once it's in your blood there's no going back. This thread just struck a chord in me. Heck my last little relationship was with another musician and even that didn't work out. Now I see posts about how bad it is to date a musician. Yeesh you'd think we had some disease or something.
sumdude Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I've also dated "failed musicians." Guys in their 30s who have given up on the dream of "making it." There's a sadness in them that makes me feel sorry for them. I can't blame them. You only fail when you stop playing. You're either in it for the music or not. I still get a rush on stage, especially when it's one of those nights when you're just on. You keep giving more energy and soul and the audience gives it back to you. Man, that's what it's all about. Closest thing to it is really good sex. But I know what you mean, facing the sinking of a dream... any dream.. is hard on anyone. My ex wife had to watch me go through that stage. She had no idea what to do.
alphamale Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 i went out with a girl who played violin in the detroit symphony orchestra once. does that count? she blew me off after a couple dates cause i wasn't "artsy fartsy" enough
Author pandagirl Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 You only fail when you stop playing. You're either in it for the music or not. I still get a rush on stage, especially when it's one of those nights when you're just on. You keep giving more energy and soul and the audience gives it back to you. Man, that's what it's all about. Closest thing to it is really good sex. But I know what you mean, facing the sinking of a dream... any dream.. is hard on anyone. My ex wife had to watch me go through that stage. She had no idea what to do. He still played, but he obviously had some "issues" with music in general. Like the air was let out of his sail. He spent in teens and 20s pursuing music, dropped out of several colleges to follow his dream. His band almost got signed at 29, but didn't happen. After that, he quit and decided to become a "Grown-Up." The problem is he still doesn't know what that means. He seems kind of lost without that anchor of playing music in his life. But it hurts too much to go back to it.
tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I've also dated "failed musicians." Guys in their 30s who have given up on the dream of "making it." There's a sadness in them that makes me feel sorry for them. I can't blame them. This is getting on kind of a philosophical tangent but someone whose sole or main motivation for playing comes from the possibility of making it big isn't much of a musician, IMO. All musicians want to make it big and make money but you should be playing because you love to do so. Making it big would just be the icing on the cake. I also think that if the non-musician partner is not supportive of the musician partner's playing then that can throw a big wrench into the relationship. The rehearsing and gigging can be pretty time-consuming.
Author pandagirl Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 This is getting on kind of a philosophical tangent but someone whose sole or main motivation for playing comes from the possibility of making it big isn't much of a musician, IMO. All musicians want to make it big and make money but you should be playing because you love to do so. Making it big would just be the icing on the cake. Yeah, this is true -- but it gets to a point where if you don't make it, you can't do music full-time. Just no money in it! And unfortunately, in creative fields, you success depends on how many people like you. Goes for painters, writers, etc.
sb129 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I also think that if the non-musician partner is not supportive of the musician partner's playing then that can throw a big wrench into the relationship. The rehearsing and gigging can be pretty time-consuming. This applies to relationships and occupations in general really though, right?
alphamale Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 All musicians want to make it big and make money ...so they can get chicks and buy good drugs
tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Yeah, this is true -- but it gets to a point where if you don't make it, you can't do music full-time. Just no money in it! Yes and no. People who do music full-time tend to teach--either at schools or privately--or make money doing other things like writing music for commercials, playing in local symphonies, etc... But yeah, earning your living through music alone is extremely difficult.
Author pandagirl Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Yes and no. People who do music full-time tend to teach--either at schools or privately--or make money doing other things like writing music for commercials, playing in local symphonies, etc... But yeah, earning your living through music alone is extremely difficult. You just described my piano teacher! He teaches music, writes music commercially, and also does his solo stuff. He figured out how to make it work for him.
tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 This applies to relationships and occupations in general really though, right? I don't think I would say in general. I think most people are fine with their partner being gone M - F, 9 - 5. Musicians generally have day jobs and then do their practicing and gigging at night, particularly weekends. So if the non-musician partner isn't okay with that cutting into typical date nights then there will be problems. I played with a bass player who was constantly getting shyt from his wife for spending too much time playing music. She rarely went to one of his gigs and he was kind of torn between familial obligations and playing. Those problems aren't as prevalent if you're with someone who goes to most or all of your shows--maybe even enjoys them --and is supportive of that pursuit. Plus, music equipment can be pretty pricey. ...so they can get chicks and buy good drugs That applies to everyone, not just musicians.
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