DustySaltus Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I need to just move on already, for good. Stop analyzing everything and just accept it for what it is. ITS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did a lot for this woman but I can't just keep beating myself up. It's been 3 MONTHS, it's got to stop. I know we were engaged but ITS OVER. She was very insecure and has a very weak mind. I need some help here guys and gals.....a good tongue lashing or inspirational tale will do! Thanks -D
on edge Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I had someone tell me to "Man Up!" To me manning up means not letting your feelings or emotions take control. This can be dangerous. You've experienced a lost, and need to feel something. Trust me, it gets better. What have you been doing to keep yourself busy? Try and find some new interests, something that you can get passionate about.
JaggedRoad Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 You really did all that you could have done save being omnipotent. Dude, why couldn't you become a God to prevent what happened? Why are you so human? WHY?
rainbowsandkittens Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 ok no tounge lashing and i know my situation is much different from yours but this is what i woke up thinking this morning: there is nothing to obsess about. it's OVER. there's nothing you can say or do. no way to will or think it into NOT being over- it just is. obsessing about what went wrong, thinking about her and her flaws, wanting her back, checking her out online, calling, whatever- none of those things are going to actually bring her back or fix or change what happened. it's done. in the past. all you can do now is focus on the present. find ways to make yourself happy NOW. bring YOU joy. because she is not sitting around thinking about you and wondering how to get you back and feeling like a heel. she's LIVING. she's already moved on. so now it's your turn. i read "it's called a break up because it's broken" and one thing they say that helped me is that if you got fired from your job you wouldn't continue to show up to work. you wouldn't look at the website every day to see what they're up to or if they replaced you. you wouldn't call your job just to say hi. right? you might spend some time thinking about why you lost your job and how you can improve yourself for your next job but that's it. you'd already be on your way to making yourself ready and available for your next job. anyway, i think it's a good analogy. no one's perfect. i woke up thinking "wow, i am movin' on! starting right now! woo woo!" and then i realized he posted on my friend's fb page (he's blocked so i can't see his posts but since she repsonsed to seemingly nothing i can guess he wrote something) and that got me all worked up. so i went to check the website he has an online dating profile and lo and behold he was online! right then! and just like that i realize AGAIN- I'M the one who's not moving on. HE'S actively looking for someone else. why on earth would i think about him? kwim? anyway hth!
Author DustySaltus Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 If I took my own advice I would be fine by now. But I just need to find that strength. I've been in contact with her over stupid stuff and need to start NC FOR GOOD! I've been hanging out with friends, playing ball and doing everything I normally do. The problem is that I've been having these "attacks" where I think about her....it doesn't matter where it is: at work, in the middle of a softball game, in the shower, on the train, on another date....you name it.
alphamale Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I did a lot for this woman and thats the reason why she split. you forgot to have her do things for you too
Author DustySaltus Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 A week after I came back I set up an online dating profile to try and move on quicker, which didn't work. As a matter of fact since she hacked into my email she found out the password to the site and started checking out all the girls I was talking to...after we broke up. Crazy no? I've been really focusing on playing the piano. That's what I need to do...every time I think of her or are sad, play the piano...do something else constructive that will make me a better person.
Author DustySaltus Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 and thats the reason why she split. you forgot to have her do things for you too she said she did a lot but in the end when I moved to her country, everything she did was self-serving because she never wanted to leave her country. Of course if she told me this BEFORE we got engaged it would be a different story.
Thebob Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I need to just move on already, for good. Stop analyzing everything and just accept it for what it is. ITS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did a lot for this woman but I can't just keep beating myself up. It's been 3 MONTHS, it's got to stop. I know we were engaged but ITS OVER. She was very insecure and has a very weak mind. I need some help here guys and gals.....a good tongue lashing or inspirational tale will do! Thanks -D You need to mash buttons and get out and meet other women! that'll help, i promise
angelface78 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It has been 3 months for me too Dusty. I was also engaged. I was with this man for 5 years. He is now seeing somebody already. I NEED TO MAN UP...AND IM NOT EVEN A MAN!! lol! Yes i like yourself am always thinking and analyzing things. We really do need to stop obsessing and understand that its over. Its so hard!! I guess time will be the only thing that heals us. Cause i know ive made some progress even if its a little bit. I now am starting to accept that he is with someone else..when before i was in denial..i didnt want to believe it. WE WILL GET BETTER IN TIME.
GrayClouds Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 i sugget reading TaraMadian, A.K.A.; Xena the Warrior Buddhist Monk Princess post to me on this tread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t205338/ Starting second page, subsitute DustySaltus for GrayCloud.
Exit Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Don't feel too bad, it's been 6 months for me and I'm not doing any better. Still dreaming about her every night. I try to hang out with friends but I'm sitting there trapped in my own thoughts while everyone else is laughing and having a good time. My initial resolve to work out and be a success and turn my life around has collapsed into not sticking with my diet and smoking too much.
lonelypiscesguy Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Yeah, man, don't feel like you're the only one that takes time to heal, even if it seems like some people are over their's seemingly overnight. Just shows you have a heart. I STILL do the same thing, have thought about her everyday since she broke up with me March 24th this year. I hate it!!! I loved that job analogy, BTW! I posted elsewhere that I think she called anonymously the day after her B-Day and then a few weeks later. I finally broke down and emailed her, told her I regret how things went down, things I said in anger, and wished her happiness and love, and surprisingly, she emailed back, and wished the same for me. She said we both could have behaved better, and that her prayers are with me and my son. She gave me the closure I needed, thank God! I still am convinced it was her that called 2 and a half months after she said "NO contact!", but after emailing her back and forth, I'm sure I won't get those calls anymore. Anyway, take all the time you need, bro. The best you can do is discipline your mind to not think of her as best you can and accept that in time, one day, you'll find she is a dispassionate memory, like all exes eventually become. Best of luck!
NSW768 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 i feel similar to everyone in this thread. im glad we have this place.
NoneoftheAbove Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I need to just move on already, for good. Stop analyzing everything and just accept it for what it is. ITS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did a lot for this woman but I can't just keep beating myself up. It's been 3 MONTHS, it's got to stop. I know we were engaged but ITS OVER. She was very insecure and has a very weak mind. I need some help here guys and gals.....a good tongue lashing or inspirational tale will do! Thanks -D I feel the same, and im with you on this one. I did alot too for her, everytime i think all the things i've done and look at the things she is doing right now. It pisses the f*ck out of me. She is already on dating website =] moving on, however WE are not the ones who lost something in our lives, one day they will realize how they pushed us away from their lives when we GAVE them everything and put them above us. It will be too late than, hang in there man you are not alone.
on edge Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 The problem is that I've been having these "attacks" where I think about her....it doesn't matter where it is: at work, in the middle of a softball game, in the shower, on the train, on another date....you name it. I had those too, they were the worst and could ruin my entire day. From your posts below, your ex sounds bat**** crazy. In a few months you will wonder why you let her upset you this much.
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