f123456789 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Should I allow him to explain or stick to NC. I have been involved with a man for 2 years now. We had a very strong bond. He would tell me how much he loves me etc. last Fri I called him and got his voice mail. I left a message. He texted me back that he will call me shortly. 15 mins later my phone rang so I answered, I heard him talking in the background, his phone mistakenly called me. To make a long story short he was in his vehicle with a female, there was music playing and they were talking very intimately, laughing etc. At one point it seemed as though they were making out because there was no talking for a while. With the music being loud I was not able to make out every word but from what I heard there was a relationship between them. This continued for over an hour and I sat there and listened to the entire episode. I even recorded it just in case he wanted to deny it. After she left him he realized his phone was on so he immediately said Hello to check to see if phone was on. I did not answer so he hung up. You guessed it, he immediately text me "what's going on babe, he misses me and can't wait to see me". I replied and played along like nothing happened. I asked him where he was coming from (I wanted to hear the lie) LOL he said he went to visit his sister. At that point I could not play along any longer I told him what I heard and that he should never contact me again, our relationship is over. it was very heated. He then changed his story and told me he was giving someone a ride home. I made a conscious effort at that time that I would never speak to him ever again. well he has called me 3 times leaving messages asking to allow him to explain. I have not replied to any of his texts or messages. He text me just now stating that I have jumped to the wrong conclusion and that he would like to explain, if I don't reply to him by the end of the day he promises to leave me alone and never ever contact me again. I know what I heard and he cannot convince me otherwise but do you think I should hear him out. What should I do?
Stroon Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 he lied to you about who was in his car, if it had been totally innocent, why would he do that? I'd be very wary about allowing him to explain himself, as soon as you do you're 'giving' a bit, and then you're going to be in a worse situation second guessing what he's saying and driving yourself crazy. Of course he's going to try and convince you that you were wrong but you're sure of what you heard, and you're sure you reacted in the correct way. trust these instincts. he'll make you doubt yourself, making you more susseptable to his explainations.
NowhereToHide Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Should I allow him to explain or stick to NC. I have been involved with a man for 2 years now. We had a very strong bond. He would tell me how much he loves me etc. last Fri I called him and got his voice mail. I left a message. He texted me back that he will call me shortly. 15 mins later my phone rang so I answered, I heard him talking in the background, his phone mistakenly called me. To make a long story short he was in his vehicle with a female, there was music playing and they were talking very intimately, laughing etc. At one point it seemed as though they were making out because there was no talking for a while. With the music being loud I was not able to make out every word but from what I heard there was a relationship between them. This continued for over an hour and I sat there and listened to the entire episode. I even recorded it just in case he wanted to deny it. After she left him he realized his phone was on so he immediately said Hello to check to see if phone was on. I did not answer so he hung up. You guessed it, he immediately text me "what's going on babe, he misses me and can't wait to see me". I replied and played along like nothing happened. I asked him where he was coming from (I wanted to hear the lie) LOL he said he went to visit his sister. At that point I could not play along any longer I told him what I heard and that he should never contact me again, our relationship is over. it was very heated. He then changed his story and told me he was giving someone a ride home. I made a conscious effort at that time that I would never speak to him ever again. well he has called me 3 times leaving messages asking to allow him to explain. I have not replied to any of his texts or messages. He text me just now stating that I have jumped to the wrong conclusion and that he would like to explain, if I don't reply to him by the end of the day he promises to leave me alone and never ever contact me again. I know what I heard and he cannot convince me otherwise but do you think I should hear him out. What should I do? He has already lied to you. Any explanation you get from him will just be a continuation of those lies. I don't think there is any reason to give him the chance.
GorillaTheater Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 What should I do? I suggest telling his wife. You may want to talk this over with your husband too, sort of get his take on the situation.
carhill Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 (edited) Background thread on similar topic: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t205789/ OP, you can request fresh opinion by responding to prior threads and bumping them up. Further background on whom I believe to be the same MM...<edit> now unsure.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t178418/ Edited October 14, 2009 by carhill
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 What do you want?? From him and for yourself. If you expect this relationship to be some fun on the side then it sounds like you'll have to convince him that you believe his lies. Convincing someone of what they want to believe is always easy. Then you carry on as you have been for the last few years. If you want to believe that you are his "one and only" besides his wife, I mean, then you'll have to lie to yourself, since you now KNOW the truth. The answer is easy depending on what you want.
2sure Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 You have been seeing him for two years , which is WAY long enough to expect committment , honesty, and respect. You know he has lied to you. You arent married, so you "got lucky" and found out. He knows it was just an overheard convo and has thought of a million ways to cover it up. But you know. He will , as a last resort accuse you of being crazy or paranoid. Use my hindsight: If you get back together with him without him coming completely clean and being able to verify it....there is no point. You will continue to be suspicious and worse , you will have established that you do not have an open and honest way to communicate or relationship. Ask him to prove he has not been cheating on you. He has the means, his cell phone records. Tell him you may or may not get over it, but until he comes clean and proves to you what is true...there is no going back for more.
2sure Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Holy Crap! Are you kidding? I didnt see the rest. Forget what I said, obviously.
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