No idea

[Agalby]

So, I thought I would come on here and post my story to get an outsider’s opinion.

 

I dated this guy we’ll call “John” for two and a half years. In December he proposed and I said yes. Things had been a little rough for us months prior to our engagement (just arguing about pointless/meaningless things) and we went through counseling and felt our relationship was on the right track.

 

Now let’s fast forward to the beginning of May. Our fighting was at an all time high. It was all we did. Then, he called off the wedding which was set for September. I moved out of our place and in with my parents. I moved out all of my belongings and attempted to start over. I was devastated.

 

We didn’t talk again until July. At that point, he wanted to get back together, but many things had changed. I found out he slept with a woman I worked with for 4.5 years and I had been with other people as well (at least they were strangers to him though). Ultimately, I wasn’t ready to “be” with him again. So, once again we cut off communication.

 

The beginning of September we began talking again. I was lonely, sad and just generally missed him. We started seeing each other again on 9-9-09 and he called it our “fresh start”. During the engagement we had set our wedding date for 9-19-09. We wanted to spend that weekend together, but we both had made plans for that weekend before we got back together. I had to go to someone else’s wedding two hours away and he went back to our hometown for a party. Which is odd and hurtful all itself because his parents through this party and it was everything we had planned for our wedding minus the ceremony.

 

Since reuniting on 9-9-09 we have not discussed who we have seen from July until now. It has been eating away at me. It’s like a catch 22 do I feel better not knowing and wondering all the time? Or would I feel better knowing what’s happened? Either way, it was on my mind this past Saturday and the subject was brought up. At this point I know he has seen other people I just don’t know how many. I really don’t know why it would matter because I saw other people as well. It just hurt so much to know that he slept with a woman I worked with for so long. I saw her in the spring and was showing her my engagement ring. It just crushed me because I can put a face with a name and almost imagine how it happened with them.

 

For the most part things were going very well with us back together. I was willing to keep the past in the past and I knew I would eventually move on and I felt like we could work through this, until last night. We had made plans to decorate for Halloween and he was going to make dinner and we bought a bottle of wine. It was going to be a nice low key evening to relax and enjoy each other’s company. I called him when I got off work and I was going to meet him at his place. He said he had to run to the store but he wouldn’t be long. After we got off the phone I called my best friend from our hometown. John and I have the same circle of friends and grew up in the same tiny town. While I was on the phone with her she told me that when John was home for the party a few weekends ago he stayed at this woman Robyn’s house.

 

As soon as he got back to his place I asked him about it. He said she was just a friend from back home. After more talking though he finally admitted that they made out and she gave him head. John blames it on shrooms he had eaten that evening. I don’t want to hear any excuses. He feels incredibly guilty and wishes he could take it back. He seems genuinely regretful. I am incredibly hurt.

 

I don’t know what I should do. My family is telling me to cut all ties right now, but that is easier said than done. I’m mad at myself that I got close to him again so he could hurt me. I feel like I want to make things work, but I don’t know if I will be able to let go. I don’t know if it’s worth the time and effort to try and make a go with someone who obviously doesn’t care about me or my feelings. I feel like I know what I should do, but it’s hard when you care about someone so much.

 

Sorry this thread has gotten so long, but I had to get it all out. I would love to hear what anyone has to say.

Edited October 14, 2009 by Agalby

[imagine]

I don't think that you are in the forefront of his heart right now. I believe that he has real concerns getting married right at this time.

 

You need a man with a plan for two. His plan includes just him.

[New Again]

S He feels incredibly guilty and wishes he could take it back. He seems genuinely regretful. I am incredibly hurt.

 

I very much doubt this. Sorry he got caught maybe.

 

So much for your "fresh start," huh? If it were really a fresh start than 1. He would've been doing his best to make sure you could trust him and making an effort to rebuild his relationship with you and 2. Anyone that he dated while you two were apart wouldn't have been a problem for you....a fresh start means forgiving and forgetting, and all that, ya know?

 

If he really wanted to be with you, he would be giving you the respect you deserve - he wouldn't be putting himself in shady situations such as staying over at another woman's house (what's wrong with his parents' place?), and doing shrooms if he really can't control himself when he's under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

 

"John" is an asswipe, and I understand you care about him, but it would be the best thing for you, for sure.