MoneySells Posted December 2, 2003 Posted December 2, 2003 OK. Today i've been reading alot of about everyones break up. Bottom line is that all us guys are feeling the same thing. Now, since my ex has broken up with me after 5 yrs, and now shes with another guy, that is making her happy, but not sexually, odd because she's the horny type!!!. I want to give her space, to figure things out, but how do i go about it, to make her curious about what i'm doing in my life now. he tells me she's loves me, but is not in love anymore, and just wants to be friends. Well thats BS. Because when i don't call or anything, she's all wanting me to hang out and do things. Its hard to resist, and I want to get back with her. Its also hard since i planned to ask her to marry me on Our 5th year , which is Dec 11th. I had everything bought, 2 ct ring, vacation to Hawaii for 2 weeks, Got it all special because we never did that before. I did all this in Sept and tried to keep it a big secret to make it so cool. But then on Halloween, she broke up with me. Boy was I hurt. 5 weeks of alot of thinking and hurting. But i also know i can live life without her like I have before 5 yrs ago. She still wants contact with me, and all that crap, but how do i make her really want to be interested in me. There might not be a way, but has anyone done something that worked. Sometimes she'll leave voice messages saying she misses my friendship and my romantic things i did for her. But she's only into this new guy for his personality and how fun he seems to be. He's like 10 yrs older, not yet divorced, but yet she has said that doesn't bother her, not to meantion he can't keep up with her. In the 5 weeks i've lost so much weight to stress and working out, and when i do see her she goes.. wow.. you look great... I like it. She confuses me and herself. Tells me one thing, I see the feelings in her eyes, but yet won't be without this guy. Maybe the only thing do to is start over, do my thing and let her come back to me, instead of me trying to figure out how to get back. Its so strange that everyone has the same or similiar problems. Girls must all act the same way. Hopefully things work out for me and everyone else. Sometimes i feel like a mid life crisis guy, wanting to buy the porche or the vette to make life easier and more impressive. BUt maybe I'll settle on a 350Z instead lol. I told her i was going to buy a car, and she got all excited. I guess. I'll try to not break the radio silence, try not to feel so hurt, move on, and see what happens. Unless there is another sure fire way out there that someone knows about.. So any ideas or comments would be awesome guys/gals.
lost_in_chgo Posted December 2, 2003 Posted December 2, 2003 Another one joins the club... You know, I wish I could get her to actually see me. She's adamant that she will not have any contact. I managed to get her to see me a couple months ago, but nothing since. You know that that is about her still having feelings and making some logical decision not to listen to her heart. Give it time. I pushed too much and have gone without any contact for a month now because of that. I doubt you are ever going to get back that first few months romantic whirlwind passion, but it can be replaced with a more mature and deeper love if you both are willing to work at it. Give her time.
Author MoneySells Posted December 2, 2003 Author Posted December 2, 2003 i was talking to a good friend of mine..actually two, one being the guy who hooked us up. This other friend is a girl and she's been on all sides of a breakup. She said if a girl is into a guy, then she can be comfortable, relaxed and willing to share things with. And sex, is a major part of that. She went on saying if she can't finish, then thats a tattle tale sign she's not into this guy. She said he heart knows whats real and what it wants, but having her listen to that and not the peer pressure of him and his friends she's hanging out with is hard to filter through. Although she did say its extremely good she is having these feelings and still does contact me. But i almost would not like contact to get my pain to go away. But you know how that goes. If feel pitty on her sometimes because this guy is using her, most of all he drives a Firebird and still things he's a big hair band 80's rocker. Just when i thought i understood women slighty, i go back to square one. Lost you are rigth about the space and time. As hard as it is to understand, I guess it works.
KitWalker Posted December 2, 2003 Posted December 2, 2003 Mmmmmmmmm time......seems to be the best answer so far! I did start up a thread a little while back about success stories, there are a few out there who have wrote that they did give time and space and their loved one came back.........the time apart varies though! From between 2 weeks to 2 yrs......god, its only been 2 months for me, I dont think I could ever do 2 yrs????? I wish so much that there is somewhere i can go for answers, a crystal ball that I can look in! i wonder how many of you have prayed to god (or anyone else) or promised to give anything to get back with your ex??? I know I have, every single day!!!! Some of you have had your ex's seeing someone else.....mine isnt at the moment and I dont know what I'll do or how i'd feel if that ever happened! My hat off to you guys who have that happened to you and you can still push on....
sarah12 Posted December 4, 2003 Posted December 4, 2003 goodness, there are a lot of broken hearts out here. And I feel terrible after reading this because I realize that I am/was the "other person" in these relationships. I don't know if you guys read my story, but basically I dated this guy for a short period of time before he ended things because he felt too guilty about dating too soon after him and his long time ex broke up. I do feel badly for the ex gf but I am also sad now too because we were really compatible..before you all hate on me and tell me I don't understand, read my story.. Anyways, as everyone has been saying, I really hope that time does wonders..
Author MoneySells Posted December 4, 2003 Author Posted December 4, 2003 I've read your story, and what you did for yourself was right. Everyone is different, and you do what you need to do to be happy. Broken hearts to mend in time i guess, i've had g/fs in the past, but none that has left me so heartbroken like this. I guess its because of all the time and effort we spent in our relationship. Being best friends, lovers and depending on eachother daily is hard to break so fast. Keeping my distance and hopeing time will heal all this, is the only thing i can do.
Arabess Posted December 4, 2003 Posted December 4, 2003 Personally, I don't think I would ever wait on ANYONE to come back to me. The main reason being .....because I've used the "give me space" line. I said it because it was easier than telling someone I didn't want to be with them anymore. I don't think that ALL people mean it the way I mean it...but just in case they do.....I wouldn't waste my time and energy on HOPE. Couples break up for 'reasons'....not because they need 'time'. I may be wrong though.....what do you guys think?? And in waiting for someone to come back....would you feel secure in the relationship if they really did? Wouldn't you be afraid they would just walk out again and you would have to start this whole painful process all over? Call me a "chicken heart".....but MAN....I couldn't go thru it twice with the same person.
superman Posted December 6, 2003 Posted December 6, 2003 With my first girlfriend I went through it more times than I should have. I never really kept track but if I had to guess I would say maybe 4 or 5 times. Each time she would leave me to pursue someone that was more like her or someone that was a pretty boy type. I loved her and that is why I kept taking her back. But the last time she went to far. She said some things that really hurt and I broke off all contacts. Of course she didn't try to contact me because she thought she was making the right decision. A few months later our paths crossed. (It was inevitable. We went to the school. She was a dancer and I played football.) I did my best to keep my distance. After realizing she would never find anyone that would respect, treat, ect. her better she wanted to get back together. Part of me wanted to. But the damage had been done. About the same time I started dating a girl who had her heart broken by her boyfriend of 7 years. I thought I could trust her and she would never do this to me. And then she did it too me. I made her happier than she had been in a long time. I treated her like gold. She gave me no reasons for breaking up. She couldn't there was nothing wrong. But she still did. I love her more than anything and I know she has feelings for me but is doing a damn good job of supressing them. One week she is asking me questions about what our wedding should be like and the next I am just a guy that she dated and that was that.
lost_in_chgo Posted December 6, 2003 Posted December 6, 2003 Arabess, Timing has alot a do with the success of a relationship. If one person or the other is in the wrong frame of mind, or has the wrong issues in their life at the time, things just don't work out. But that doesn't mean that things couldn't work out later on, when the people have grown a bit, or the circumstances are different. A guy I used to work with reconciled with his wife after they divorced, maybe 5 years later. He told me that they just weren't mature enuf when they were married the first time around. They remarried and after a couple years, they adopted a baby boy. That was a couple years ago and they are still going strong. Certainly, attempting to reconcile major differences cant happen in a short time frame. Some distance for growth needs to be there so that emotions don't rule the day and the sane side of your mind can have it's say. But, if you never allow yourself to revisit old relationships, of course there will never be any reconciliations. "Give me space" and "I need time" are often lies as you said. Why not try honesty. Just say, I don't want to be in a relationship with you. If the person doesn't want to believe it, they wont either way. But at least you aren't deliberately holding them up. But sometimes "give me space" just means "I want to think about this a bit before I plunge in, and I don't want you around while I do it, because I want to think with a clear head and not be influenced by your presence."
sarah12 Posted December 7, 2003 Posted December 7, 2003 But sometimes "give me space" just means "I want to think about this a bit before I plunge in, and I don't want you around while I do it, because I want to think with a clear head and not be influenced by your presence." That is always how I take the "give me space" phrase to mean. I wish more people were honest and direct though. When I broke up with my ex, I told him that was it, there was no going back so he shouldn't get his hopes up. Of course he still didn't listen, but I was honest. I think that before the "break" or "break up", it is only fair if the person who broke up with you explain the reasons for the break up so that you understand. If either say that they need time/space after the break up, the other person should listen and respect that. I think that the terms of the future relationship/friendship should definitely be discussed though so that no one is led onto false hopes. If you don't believe you can have a friendship, you need to say so. If you don't believe you can have a future relationship, you need to say so. It's just being honest.
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