Chiken Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 A couple of weeks ago, I posted about my ex re-adding me on facebook. I took your advice and clicked "ignore", and it felt great. I felt like I had power over someone who's been troubling me for some time. But over the last couple of weeks, she's been on my mind more and more. Not really in a "I want to get back together" way, but just in the frustrating way you'll remember the good times and how they hurt you in the breakup. I mean, it's been a whole year, shouldn't these feelings have died down already? Am I still lacking closure? I should be very happy with life right now, but I can't help feeling hopeless.
TaraMaiden Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 you do realise your ex- hasn't done anything, don't you? You do realise this is all self-generated? it happens.... I still find myself thinking of exes before my ex....and we're talking 30+ years here.... Not in a romantic, nostalgic, hankering way though... they're just part and parcel of experiences.... Look, you have a memory. It remembers things. And these things were important to you, and are relatively recent. But because you were romantically involved, and she dumped you (right?) then it still smarts. Even a broken leg can bring twinges years after it's healed. It's natural, so don't bash yourself over the skull with it. remember with fondness. They shape who you are, what you project..... But HOW they shape you is up to you.
Author Chiken Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 I certainly know it's my own head, and not her that's doing this. And I know that memories aren't going to go away. I guess I'm just frustrated, because she's on my mind a lot more as of late, and not in a good way. I guess you could say I find myself looking at my present in comparison to that past, rather than just enjoying and making the most of now.
TaraMaiden Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It's different. Not better, not worse, just different. First, she wasn't there, then she was, and then she wasn't. The reason you sabotage your consciousness, is by dwelling, and evolving the thought into a mini-series, a drama you play out in your head. Because whatever thought comes into your head, you begin to add the commentary. Watch that commentary. if it leads you down the path of maudlin depression, stop. Go back to the original thought - and change path. That, to steal a line from Robert Frost, Will make all the difference.
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