mortensorchid Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 For those of you not familiar with my previous threads, I have turned over a new leaf of sorts. I am in love with someone but have decided to put it on the back burner. I am trying again with the online world in order to meet someone. I am going about it with a new attitude. I have only posted on more legit sites (have learned my lesson from bad previous ones). I am approaching it as cheerfully as possible, just being friendly but not too friendly to others. I think I have everything down as it should be, after all I think most everyone (man or woman) just skims the photos without reading descriptions and just clicks on whoever looks hottest. And I am not sending winks or emails to anyone, they have to approach me with an email not just a wink or something. But what I can't get past is the fact that everyone (I'm talking just the guys that is) looks, well, fat. And not just an extra 20 lbs, I mean like 50+. In the past, I have met up with guys who have turned out to be fat, not wanting to seem shallow. But, unfortunately, I am. I've been accused of only going for attractive guys, pretty boys even. I'm sure they get more attention from women than the average, for sure, but is it so bad that I ask that they be attractive as well? I take care of my appearance, or try to anyway. I wonder if there are just as many guys who don't. Am I being shallow? How can I get past this if so?
deux ex machina Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Classic good looks aren't a high priority to me (I usually go for ugly-sexy, which is very hard to explain ), but if they do to you, I don't think anyone should have a quarrel with it. You know what you want. As long as you don't lead anyone on, I don't think you are shallow.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 MC, I remember from a previous post of yours in LS land that you'd lost a ton of weight. That said I do think you're entitled to at least be a little shallow about the type of men you date, especially if their physicality borders on the extreme or obese. Afterall, it's okay to set standards for yourself especially if you worked your butt off to look good. If men can give women the same old complaint about getting love handles, than we as women are more than titled to complain about their beer belly. However, I would like to comment whether you might have better luck meeting men outside the internet craze? I know dating sites are all the rage, but the demands on sites relies less on compatibility and more on physical appearances and photo attractions.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It's not shallow to have preferences. Everyone has their vices, so to speak. A lot of women care a lot about how much a man makes. I, personally, don't (as long as he has a job of some sort and can support himself), but I do care that they are in appealing physical shape. Overweight is a huge turnoff for me! Even when I see those match.com or eharmony commercials I always think to myself "what a bunch of cute girls and dumpy looking guys!" The sad reality is that, or so it seems, in the online dating world there is a major shortage of physically appealing men to physically appealing women. *Waits for hate and bashing from overweight and/or unattractive men*
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It seems to me that physically attractive men get snapped up much faster than physically attractive women. In fact, I have never met a hot guy that has been single for any length of time and I have met hot girls that have. In about 90% of couples I see on the streets, the girl is hotter than the guy. That's just a sad reality.
AD1980 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It seems to me that physically attractive men get snapped up much faster than physically attractive women. In fact, I have never met a hot guy that has been single for any length of time and I have met hot girls that have. In about 90% of couples I see on the streets, the girl is hotter than the guy. That's just a sad reality. Where are these single hot girls?? Maybe theyre still single because they have an infalated view of themselves and what their partner should look like..
Jaytb Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 nothing wrong at all with what you're saying. You work your butt off so you are entitled to be discriminating with regards to the weight of your partner. Weight, I think, is a complex issue. It's not just looks, but health, compatibility, and lifestyle. I don't mind heavier people, but they just aren't my cup of tea. Maybe you can find guys at a gym? or some other fitness group or club?
Sam Spade Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It seems to me that physically attractive men get snapped up much faster than physically attractive women. In fact, I have never met a hot guy that has been single for any length of time and I have met hot girls that have. In about 90% of couples I see on the streets, the girl is hotter than the guy. That's just a sad reality. Maybe. I have this nagging feeling that very, really, very hot girls are "overpriced" - i.e. takes unjustifiably huge effort/resources to date them, i.e. it is not worth the marginal increase in hotness (while even very handsome men are just happy to be with someone pretty and with good attitude).
AD1980 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Maybe. I have this nagging feeling that very, really, very hot girls are "overpriced" - i.e. takes unjustifiably huge effort/resources to date them, i.e. it is not worth the marginal increase in hotness (while even very handsome men are just happy to be with someone pretty and with good attitude). Ill take a sweet caring 6 or 7 over a 9 whos high maintenance lacks any personality and is full of themselves.. Once a women hits a certain age her looks fade and gravity hits anyway so if youre gonna be with some selfish airhead just because shes really hot then youre in for a rude awakening when those looks fade and theyres nothign else to fall back on..
Johnny M Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 But what I can't get past is the fact that everyone (I'm talking just the guys that is) looks, well, fat. And not just an extra 20 lbs, I mean like 50+. In the past, I have met up with guys who have turned out to be fat, not wanting to seem shallow. But, unfortunately, I am. I've been accused of only going for attractive guys, pretty boys even. I'm sure they get more attention from women than the average, for sure, but is it so bad that I ask that they be attractive as well? I take care of my appearance, or try to anyway. I wonder if there are just as many guys who don't. Am I being shallow? How can I get past this if so? No you are not being shallow. There is absolutely no reason why a person who takes care of himself/herself and is good physical shape should settle for a lazy, fat slob. There's nothing shallow about not being attracted to fat guys. What I personally find extremely annoying is all the overweight women who describe themselves as average or even worse, "athletic", on dating sites. What sort of an athlete has love handles, a flabby gut, cellulite, etc? Last I checked, there were no women in sumo wrestling... As for the fact that everyone you meet is fat, I think it has a lot to do with where you live. Americans are by far the fattest nation on earth....it's quite disgusting, really. I went to Florida a couple of years ago and was absolutely appalled by what saw on the beach.....all those flabby, grotesque bodies. I'm not talking about people who are just a little overweight...I mean morbidly obese folks who'd work up a sweat walking from their hotel to a McDonald's across the street. What a sad sight...
zicke Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Ill take a sweet caring 6 or 7 over a 9 whos high maintenance lacks any personality and is full of themselves.. Once a women hits a certain age her looks fade and gravity hits anyway so if youre gonna be with some selfish airhead just because shes really hot then youre in for a rude awakening when those looks fade and theyres nothign else to fall back on.. OH PLEASE! Young men are seriously delusional if they think that men don't age as well. This is such a stupid statement, LOOKS FADE LADIES! Better watch out or you will be a lonely ugly spinster. I'm in my 40's and my "looks" haven't "faded". And don't even come back with the, men go up in value as they age, as they make more money. In this day and age, IT DOESN'T MATTER. Women are making just as much, if not more than men. In fact, the women I know are making more money than the men I know. Incidentally, unless you are making 200K+, I wouldn't count on young hotties clamouring after your saggy old ass.(who according to you are going to get old n ugly anyways in a few years). Can young men please just get this delusional mind think out of their heads please? It's archaic and stupid.
Sam Spade Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Sometimes people who stop drinking after overcoming an alcohol problem become the most annoying judgemental self-righteous azzholes as far as other's alcohol consumption is concerned. I'm not suggesting that's your case, but simply ignoring the fatties may be the best way to go instead of getting worked up. I too am pissed that there are so many fatsos to contaminate the visual landscape and throw off the clothing sizes, but there is no point in getting too upset - it's their life, so let them ruin it as they please, you are in no way obliged to take part in it. The sad reality is that the *minority* of people are in half-decent shape, and that my definition reduces the odds of dating someone in shape.
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Zicke, I know! What a ridiculous statement that men look best at 40 or that they look better the older they get. I mean do they think that we are turned on by wrinkles, hair loss and pot bellies? Hell no. Many women in their 30's and 40's prefer younger men just for that reason.
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 As for "achievements", I can take care of myself and don't care how much a man makes. The only thing that I truly care about is overall connection, attraction and compatibility. Money is meaningless to me (as is to all my female friends).
Sam Spade Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 OH PLEASE! Young men are seriously delusional if they think that men don't age as well. This is such a stupid statement, LOOKS FADE LADIES! Better watch out or you will be a lonely ugly spinster. I'm in my 40's and my "looks" haven't "faded". And don't even come back with the, men go up in value as they age, as they make more money. In this day and age, IT DOESN'T MATTER. Women are making just as much, if not more than men. In fact, the women I know are making more money than the men I know. Incidentally, unless you are making 200K+, I wouldn't count on young hotties clamouring after your saggy old ass.(who according to you are going to get old n ugly anyways in a few years). Can young men please just get this delusional mind think out of their heads please? It's archaic and stupid. There are outliers on either direction (and congrats for being one of them), but on average, as sad as it is, it is true. All else equal, guys have about 5, maybe even 10, if they're lucky, years more of 'breathing room' as far as being around their peak is concerned. As for income, it doesn't matter - for guys. Women of any income group want a stable and succesful guy who can take care of them, even if they make their own money . In my admittedly limited experience, I am yet to witness a happy long term relationship where the woman consistently out-earns the guy and it okay with that.
Jaytb Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 OH PLEASE! Young men are seriously delusional if they think that men don't age as well. This is such a stupid statement, LOOKS FADE LADIES! Better watch out or you will be a lonely ugly spinster. I'm in my 40's and my "looks" haven't "faded". don't want to get too much into this, but that poster did in essence say he wants a good personality over good looks.
GroupFitness Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 You're not being shallow, we all have our preferences and there is nothing wrong with that. Online dating is tricky because essentially you ONLY have photos to go on and majority of people will initiate conversation based on looks only. Many never read the drivel that is in your profile, or they read it AFTER they've glanced at your pics and are satisfied with what they see. Right or wrong, that is just the way it works. Countless online dating prospects that I've shared great conversation with only to exchange pics and have one person drop off just because they don't like what they see. I try not to take it personally as I have done the same too. You can't put all your eggs in one basket, you have to substitute online dating with meeting people in the real world, through work, hobbies, bars, whatever floats your boat. It's a numbers game and eventually you will run into one who fits.
torranceshipman Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Be more proactive! I had the cheeriest approach to online dating that any human can have, despite using it for a very long time and meeting my fair share of duds... ...I was always happy to wink away and/or send a quick email to cuties, and lots of fun dinner dates, etc, came of that...eventually I found one who I wanted to keep and who was very interested in me, too! (luckily!) - my boyfriend, who I actually emailed/winked at first, which kicked off a fab email exchange and the best R I've EVER had. Quite a few cute guys did contact me first, but many were unattractive/fat/etc or good looking but a bit of a player/someone I didn't feel compatible with...I personally don't care who contacts who first - it makes absolutely no difference to me. When I met my boyfriend on there, he hadn't seen my profile - lets face it, there's lots on there, so you need to give yourself the advantage and make sure the ones you like can see you! Don't worry about them not writing back...some will and some wont and thats life - can't please everybody!- but you might well find the diamond in the rough a LOT quicker this way....I did! If I'd waited for him to find me he might never have found my profile, and right now my life would be very different! Don't feel bad about not finding overweight people attractive (the size you're talking about actually falls into the obese category, too!) - it is just personal preference at the end of the day...we all go for something different...
phineas Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I need to loose a good 15lbs. If a woman doesn't dig me because of that it really doesn't bother me. What woman wants a man with bigger breasts than her? LOL!
Skump Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 OH PLEASE! Young men are seriously delusional if they think that men don't age as well. This is such a stupid statement, LOOKS FADE LADIES! Better watch out or you will be a lonely ugly spinster. Of course men age, and there are a ton of over-weight, ugly old dudes around. But the reality is that it's generally easier for a guy to maintain his looks than it is for a girl, and the dating scene is a lot kinder to guys than girls once they hit their late twenties. This may not be fair in some cosmic sense, but reality is deaf to politically correct pieties.
C-i-C-u Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 For those of you not familiar with my previous threads, I have turned over a new leaf of sorts. I am in love with someone but have decided to put it on the back burner. I am trying again with the online world in order to meet someone. I am going about it with a new attitude. I have only posted on more legit sites (have learned my lesson from bad previous ones). I am approaching it as cheerfully as possible, just being friendly but not too friendly to others. I think I have everything down as it should be, after all I think most everyone (man or woman) just skims the photos without reading descriptions and just clicks on whoever looks hottest. And I am not sending winks or emails to anyone, they have to approach me with an email not just a wink or something. But what I can't get past is the fact that everyone (I'm talking just the guys that is) looks, well, fat. And not just an extra 20 lbs, I mean like 50+. In the past, I have met up with guys who have turned out to be fat, not wanting to seem shallow. But, unfortunately, I am. I've been accused of only going for attractive guys, pretty boys even. I'm sure they get more attention from women than the average, for sure, but is it so bad that I ask that they be attractive as well? I take care of my appearance, or try to anyway. I wonder if there are just as many guys who don't. Am I being shallow? How can I get past this if so? I know what you feel. I'am fat and I don't want a fat girl. I figure there has been plenty of girls-who were 9s and 10s-that wanted me regardless of my weight issue. I don't ever look at a fat girl and think we can be together. But it really depends on the fat size. Is it the fat size that they can't run and when they walk are they constantly out of breath? I don't want that. Is it fat where they are not out of breathe for walking then that is fat i can put up with. And so can you. I am trying to lose weight so that my next gf doesn't do what the last one did and that was complain when I called her fat. She was skinny but she started to get strectch marks and I called her out on it. And she blew up on me because this girl was a model(small time no biggie) extremely beautiful. She told me that she never said anything about my stretch marks and their plentiful all over my body, thighs, stomach. But I told her what I really mean and that it is easier for skinny people to stay skinny then it is for an overweight man to get to the point of being skinny. So we broke up and I got more stretch marks. I went back to being very ascetic. I can understand what you mean by not liking overweight people, I barely like myself. I don't know why I am here in this world when I have nothing to keep me here. But you are pretty I can tell from your posts and you deserve someone to treasure you, the way I treasured all my gfs and they returned it. I've had some great moments with my gfs and the memories will last a lifetime.
cognac Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Wow C-I-C-U I thought people like you only existed among women. This is a very American thing, Asian women who only want to date white guys, petite women who only want to date people over 6 feet tall, and now fat guys who only date skinny women. I don't think people who don't bring the trait they desire should complain when they don't find someone like them.
Lilwystynyra Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I need to loose a good 15lbs. If a woman doesn't dig me because of that it really doesn't bother me. What woman wants a man with bigger breasts than her? LOL! I do... Man with boobs? Best of both worlds baby! You play with mine, I'll play with yours. LOL To OP... No I don't think you're shallow. Everyone has their own preferances. Sometimes there are just things unacceptable in a partner!! Myself? I can't date anyone that does drugs. Cigarettes are passable - barely! I don't care if they're fat, or hairy (infact I've actually been attracted to some of them. My last partner actually looked a bit like Hagrid from Harry Potter...) But... no drugs and good hygiene (eg, no greasiness or bad smells). So if yours is a nice bone structure and tight buns then... doesn't bother me I do think tho... that it is a fair assumption that you won't actually get what you're interested in if you don't fit their stereotype attraction. It's pretty standard that hot ppl get together, fat ppl get together, creepy ppl get together (no offense intended to any of you, 90% of my attraction is based off personality, so I don't give a damn if you're hot or not!). So it's fine that you want an attractive partner. Just don't rage and call them shallow for wanting one in return. No hypocrites allowed!!
gypsy_nicky Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It seems to me that physically attractive men get snapped up much faster than physically attractive women. In fact, I have never met a hot guy that has been single for any length of time and I have met hot girls that have. In about 90% of couples I see on the streets, the girl is hotter than the guy. That's just a sad reality. Ok. So why then, are 90% of couples the girl is hot? Won't this conclusion be somewhat false if the hot girls you meet are mostly single and shouldn't hot guys be single as well since you also stated that the girl is 'hotter'. I think its because hot guys and girls are a rarity in the gene pool and tend to date similar people in looks.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I think its okay to be shallow as long as it doesn't border on extremes i.e looking for an ideal partner that's extremely rich, extremely handsome/pretty, certain height/weight etc. setting criteria too high and too low will mostly end with dissatisfaction and frustration.
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