nikeman57 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 ill keep it short. there is a women that i have been friends with for a while and we are not dating, but when we hang out we act pretty much as we are. her friendship is super important to me. however, her ex is physco and has found out that we have been hanging out a lot and he lives far away. the things she has told me about him, cheating, being a complete ass, etc makes him a complete duesh in my mind and hers. so my problem is now that he knows we hang out alot, ie weekend trips, spending the night, and going out at night. since he has found out he has really been turning the screws to her and i feel like she has backed off. how do i get her to finally get her to be free of the ex? thanks
wizardof7 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I'm in a similar situation . We are dating .But we started out as friends However her ex lives in the same city . And he has been putting the kids against her , As well when he found out she was dating he really gave her a lot of crap .And this did have an impact on our relationship . So all I can say is never engage in destuctive or competitive behavior with him , just stay out of it . And its up to her to keep him at bay . if you intervene she will resent you . Things work out over time . And if she has to be reeled in by his bull**** . Let her find her own way out of it . I just have one question . Are you having sex?
dreamergrl Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It's up to her to be free of her ex. It also sounds to me that she may be using you for comfort.
Author nikeman57 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 occasionally, never planed or anything. Comfort huh? Well do you suppose i do with that one. I am involved with the ex situation, not that i care to be, but i am. Personally I could care less about the ex, but when it hurts our friendship, that is when i care. So i guess I am on the losing end of the battle?
dreamergrl Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 You can take yourself out of the situation until she sorts things out. You seem to be do 'couple' things together, yet you're only friends. Go back to doing 'friend' things together.
GroupFitness Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It is on HER to recognize the destructive behavorial pattern of the ex and extricate herself from it. You can't *get her to be free of the ex*. Hell, you can't get her to be anything. She knows he's bad news, then what the hell is she doing even talking to him?
Author nikeman57 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 It is on HER to recognize the destructive behavorial pattern of the ex and extricate herself from it. You can't *get her to be free of the ex*. Hell, you can't get her to be anything. She knows he's bad news, then what the hell is she doing even talking to him? The kid is crazy and keeps calling and texting and she gives in after a while. grr
dreamergrl Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 The kid is crazy and keeps calling and texting and she gives in after a while. grr That is HER issue. She's going back for a reason. Maybe she likes the drama. Maybe she likes the attention (maybe that's why you're around, for the attention, you are leaving yourself involved).
Odyssey Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 (edited) That is HER issue. She's going back for a reason. Maybe she likes the drama. Maybe she likes the attention (maybe that's why you're around, for the attention, you are leaving yourself involved). I think Dreamergrl has this pretty well covered. Good and concise post there. I got nothing to add, other than stressing that you should back off a bit and give her the space, then see what happens. It sucks i know. Edited October 15, 2009 by Odyssey
Recommended Posts