blueidgrl75 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 We've been together for 11 yrs but married for 4. I have 12 yr old and 14 yr old daughters. He doesn't say much to them and always says they are my kids, and uses the excuse that I say something when he tries to discipline. I stated that the only time he says anything to them is negative and kids need positive. He's never told my kids he loves them or gives them even half of a hug. He never shows interest in anything they have to say. He gets a long with the younger one a little better but he has serious issues with the older one. She is challenging (she's 14) she's a drama queen and she's been through being molested at age 5 and her parents getting divorced at 6. She drives me crazy to but she is a child. We are trying to find advice for him to hopefully reconcile with each other but also he needs to work on making things right with my children before I can even think about taking him back. Anyone have any similiar situations or advice? Please no cocky comments, just serious advice please.
RedDevil66 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I'm not a huge fan of my BF's kids who are ages 12 and 14. They are not well behaved kids and since I have no say over what they do etc, I just keep my distance. Has your husband known these kids for the entire 11 yrs? How was his childhood? What is your role in this?
carhill Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 OK, you're separated? Different domiciles? Nice path to a D, if my experience is any guide. Did you 'kick him out'? How does he feel about that? IMO, this is a good time for some MC and FC. Part of his issues are his behavior as a step-parent and part of the issues are likely with the older daughter who was molested by a male in her past. Difficult situation. I don't have a lot of respect for a guy who is cold to children, but evidently you saw something in him to marry him, so ask him if he'd be willing to let a professional help you all. I'd suggest a psychologist familiar with abuse/molestation and family dynamics. Hug the kids
fooled once Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Why did you marry someone who doesn't like your kids??? He doesn't have to say "I love you" to them. He doesn't have to love them. He does have to treat them decently; as in being a role model, a friend, like an uncle. Your kids also need to treat him decently. Divorce at 6 is no reason for a kid at 14 to still be being a butt head. Has your D had counseling for the molestation?
Lucky_One Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 You've been together for 11 years, so you would think that him being in your family is all they remember. Honestly, I can't imagine marrying someone who after 7 years (11 of together, 4 married, so 7 dating) still doesn't appear to love (or even like) my children. There has to be something, as Carhill says, that made you love him and made you think he would be a good husband/parenting figure. What were those things? Family counselling is a must here, I think.
ADF Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Some men honestly get confused about what their role should be with regards to stepchildren. However, that doesn't sound like the problem in your case. What you describe just sounds like plain old lack of interest. That's very unfair. When he married you, he became part of your family, which includes you kids. I am a little bewildered why this has only become a problem now, consdering that you've been together 11 years. I think you need to tell him exactly what your expectations are, and let him now that by remaining passive, he is putting too much of the burden on you.
bluegreen12 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 We've been together for 11 yrs but married for 4. I have 12 yr old and 14 yr old daughters. He doesn't say much to them and always says they are my kids, and uses the excuse that I say something when he tries to discipline. I stated that the only time he says anything to them is negative and kids need positive. He's never told my kids he loves them or gives them even half of a hug. He never shows interest in anything they have to say. He gets a long with the younger one a little better but he has serious issues with the older one. She is challenging (she's 14) she's a drama queen and she's been through being molested at age 5 and her parents getting divorced at 6. She drives me crazy to but she is a child. We are trying to find advice for him to hopefully reconcile with each other but also he needs to work on making things right with my children before I can even think about taking him back. Anyone have any similiar situations or advice? Please no cocky comments, just serious advice please. Who molested your daughter? You just can't expect or demand a man to love some teenagers as his own blood. The fact is, they are not. As long as he is not mean to them, you should be aight with it. Is their father in their lives?
stanlovesJ Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 wow , to start off i am 15 right now and i hate my dad. he is a pain in the ass and always nags me for everything i do. he never says anything positive and is a knowitall.i hate it when hes home. if you dont kick your boyfriend out or if hes not going to change, your going to see drastic changes in your family life in the next 2 years. i guarantee you.
Recommended Posts