LB85 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I gave up on the idea of ever finding love a few months back. I can't believe in love anymore even if I try to, I don't want to have any false hopes when the reality is too clear for me. I have never been asked out (except for being hit on by sleazy guys) and have only really liked two guys and got neither of them. The second guy was the right guy, everything I ever wanted in a guy (even better than my dream guy) and I fell really hard for him. He was always the one flirting and keeping in touch but he kept me at a distance the whole time. I never understood it (especially since he did ask to meet up once) so I decided to be patient and we eventually stopped having any contact with each other ( for the past month orso). I only just recently found out that he actually had a girlfriend for the past 1,5 years (who he doesn't tell anyone about). I can't stand it that finally I find a guy who is everything I wanted and it turns out I can never have him. He really is a good guy, not matter what happened. But what annoys me the most is that I would never find a guy who can be everything he is (if not more). Anyway besides that, I don't believe I will find love. It has always been something for everyone else but me. I am very picky but I think settling would be unfair for my partner (since I would never see them as good enough). On top of this, I am already 21 and although I have always had the freedom to date whoever I wanted, there is a certain age your supposed to get married in my culture. My parents are going to start pressuring me to think about settling down at 23 and will expect me to be married by the time I'm 25. Bear in mind that I don't want to get married much later either and don't want to disappoint them (so I want to obey this). This also means I am fine with marrying someone my parents choose for me (I don't dare to tell them that I would prefer this situation now since my mum would be disappointed because she would prefer it if I got married to the one I fall in love with). However, I have never found anyone in the past 21 years, how will I possibly get someone (to even like me) within the next 2 years!?! This is one of the reasons I see no reason to hope for something I am sure won't come my way (or not the way I want it to). P.S I would prefer it if no one starts telling me not to give up on love etc (these things don't have any effect anymore) but I would appreciate it if I could get some insight and advice on how to deal with this situation because I feel as though life is too boring and I need to find new aspirations, goals and hopes but I'm just stuck feeling lost. Thank you:D!
boogieboy Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Hey I remember you! Im gonna try this again. Im gonna get attacked for this, but LB would you happen to be a woman of Indian decent with your eyes set on the Caucasian persuasion? If you are I have an explanation for you...
Author LB85 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 Yeh your right, I am of Indian descent
Author LB85 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 nope, not particularly basing it any one race. My experiences have been with guys of various cultures, however all were brought up in the western world (regardless of their background). But if you want to know specifically, then I liked one Italian and one Indian. Have kissed a few white guys and been liked by a few, asked out by a few (weird) Indian guys, honestly had one boyfriend when I was 12 (only dated for a week and just about held hands) and he was south african but later became a good friend....and so it goes on...
singlegirl Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 LB, I am a great believer in fate.....I won't tell you not to give up on love . My advice is forget about love for now at least....Think of all the things you would like to acomplish, all the skills you would like to have..start to play the piano orwhatever it is that you wish to do. Love may come and tap you on the shoulder or maybe the one your parents choose will be the one you need.....Ask the universe and/or the God of your choice for what you need in a man and let it go.... hope you feel better soon
Author LB85 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 I really like your answer. I have done all these things, I decided to focus on myself 3 years ago and it has been all those years now, so I have to go on like before. It still doesn't answer my question though, I need to find a new aspiration and hope for my future because I used to believe my future was going to give me great love and that is why I never wanted to jump right in. I thought my wise choices would reward me but they didn't so I need to find a new reason, value, goal, dream in life for my future (just to keep it exciting).
Jaytb Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 However, I have never found anyone in the past 21 years, how will I possibly get someone (to even like me) within the next 2 years!?! you were looking for guys when you were just born? So you expect to fall in love and be married in only a few years? Your expectations of love are way out of line, so giving up is almost certainly a guarantee. But hey, if that's how you want to live, then that's fine. No one here will have the power to tell you what to do. I guess all I can say then is find something you like to do and just do it (hobby, etc.)
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 However, I have never found anyone in the past 21 years, how will I possibly get someone (to even like me) within the next 2 years!?! Yep, surely you were dawdling and toddling from age 0 to 7 when instead you should have been scouring the sandbox for potential mates. If you look at things more realistically, you've been an adult for three years, and still have that much time before you're 25 and an obvious old maid. Get out of the doldrums and present yourself with more energy and interest in the world around you, and you'll meet your goal!
BookerT Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I gave up on the idea of ever finding love a few months back. I can't believe in love anymore even if I try to, I don't want to have any false hopes when the reality is too clear for me. Anyway besides that, I don't believe I will find love. It has always been something for everyone else but me. I am very picky but I think settling would be unfair for my partner (since I would never see them as good enough). On top of this, I am already 21 and although I have always had the freedom to date whoever I wanted, there is a certain age your supposed to get married in my culture. My parents are going to start pressuring me to think about settling down at 23 and will expect me to be married by the time I'm 25. You always have a choice: 1) Become a nun 2) Be miserable 3) Since you are going to be pressured by your parents then go all the way and accept an arrange marriage to a man you don't love 4) Say, screw it and be happy! Don't go for gloom and doom and realize life is more than just finding a man and getting married, and then maybe because you are not putting too much importance on finding a man, you don't become needy and thus the guy naturally appears.
Author LB85 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Ok maybe I'm exaggerating but what I meant about not finding even one mate in those 20 years is that my friends had crushes, those love letters, kisses, boys running after them, them running after boys. I never had those things. And as a reply to Booker T, point 4 is great advice but I've tried it. I did that for 3 years, I actually didn't want anything and enjoyed living my life without having a guy. It eventually got boring and lonely so I started wondering why I never got approached and other things, eventually my friends said a girl is also supposed to make some effort so I did ( quite a bit, tried different things but didn't want to change myself); I only got hurt in the end and no interest in return. I constantly hear I'm pretty and everything but thats not even important for getting a relationship.
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