TeacupMovinON Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 For the last several months a very attractive gentleman has been coming into my office showing interest in our program (I work for a school). Wow, is this fella a looker!! I waited patiently, wondering if he was ever going to ask me out on a date. Finally, he took a class at our school and the instuctor mentioned that I was single and that the student should ask for my number if he is interested. The very handsome man, we will call him R, did finally ask for my phone number. The next day he called me and asked me out. We went to the park where we walked and talked for hours! He follows up after our date with an email and asks me on another. To sum this entire thing up... I am getting the vibe that my new friend may be gay. Here is why: 1. He is 31, never been married, says he has never been in love and he has no children. 2. He has not ever touched me, other than a hug. No looking at me really, no brush up against my arm, nothing. Keep in mind we have had two great dates. 3. I have heard him speak of hypothetical male crushes on three or more occasions. 4. On his facebook account he has omitted the question that identifies if he is interested in males or females. So, what do you guys think? Is this man interested in men??? Should I ask him?
Johnny M Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Don't ask him directly if he's gay. If he's not, there's a good chance that he will get very offended and not want to see you again. Just ask him about his past relationships. If he's gay, it will come out pretty quickly.
BCCA Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 1. Im a few years younger than him, and have not been married, and have no kids. Granted, Ive been in love before, but perhaps he hasnt met anyone special. 2. Two dates isnt a big deal, but I can see your concern. Maybe make a move and see what happens? 3. In what context, as in, crushes he had? 4. I dont have anything but my birthday on my FB. I dont want to give out all my personal info, and people that know me know whats up. I think its hard to say based on this info if he is in fact gay. Do you have any other dates set up? Try giving him a peck on the cheek and see what happens. And asking would be sort of rude, no?
Author TeacupMovinON Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 1. Im a few years younger than him, and have not been married, and have no kids. Granted, Ive been in love before, but perhaps he hasnt met anyone special. 2. Two dates isnt a big deal, but I can see your concern. Maybe make a move and see what happens? 3. In what context, as in, crushes he had? 4. I dont have anything but my birthday on my FB. I dont want to give out all my personal info, and people that know me know whats up. I think its hard to say based on this info if he is in fact gay. Do you have any other dates set up? Try giving him a peck on the cheek and see what happens. And asking would be sort of rude, no? I agree that asking would be out of line, it was just a thought. He spoke of his hypothetical male crushes when we were talking about actors and actresses that we liked. He just out right said such and such "is my male crush", which alone would not be a big deal. I guess another reason that I am curious is because he is SO VERY HANDSOME and KIND, that it is a bit shocking that he does not have women all over him... I just have a feeling he has not come out of the closet.
boogieboy Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Go in for a kiss, if he recoils, you got all your answers.
Author TeacupMovinON Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 Go in for a kiss, if he recoils, you got all your answers. I am a bit nervous about kissing him, but I will have to eventually. I want to know one way or another... But, what if he goes both ways, or is confused about his sexuality or is interested in having a female around to keep up appearances?? Just some thoughts, sorry to ramble.
Quest Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 1. He is 31, never been married, says he has never been in love and he has no children. 2. He has not ever touched me, other than a hug. No looking at me really, no brush up against my arm, nothing. Keep in mind we have had two great dates. 3. I have heard him speak of hypothetical male crushes on three or more occasions. 4. On his facebook account he has omitted the question that identifies if he is interested in males or females. So, what do you guys think? Is this man interested in men??? Should I ask him? 1. Don't think that is significant. I can think of one male friend who didn't have a relationship until he was about 34 and THEN fell in love and got married. Can also think of plenty of male friends not married and childless at 40 - most would say they hadn't met the right person yet which could translate as not having been in love. 2. Two dates isn't a lot. The last guy I dated didn't make any moves AT ALL for about four dates. All the dates prior to that were great and like you I kept wondering why no hugs etc. 3. I have heard guys say things like, "I'd kiss Brad Pitt" or whatever ... meaning they can see the attraction for women. 4. A lot of people don't bother with the personal stuff on Facebook. .......So, all in all, I wouldn't have thought he was gay on the basis of any of the above. Ask him if he likes Judy Garland or Barbara Streisland ...
boogieboy Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I am a bit nervous about kissing him, but I will have to eventually. I want to know one way or another... But, what if he goes both ways, or is confused about his sexuality or is interested in having a female around to keep up appearances?? Just some thoughts, sorry to ramble. Keep an eye peeled for red flags. You will see strange things if any of that is true.
WineCountry Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Well, I have to be the different one. But, from my own experiences, I have NEVER heard any male refer to ANY other male as "my male crush" or use words like that, if he wasnt gay, or was very much suspected of being that way. That's just what I have seen. Any male that i have known that was even willing to comment on the looks of another male never used words like "crush". They would say something like.."well I guess he's alright" ..or something like that. And you would have to drag THAT out of them. lol And you wouldnt get them saying that "several" times either, as this guy has. I agree about trying to maybe get physically close to him..snuggle in for a kiss, etc. But, go with your heart. If something is not feeling right, maybe it isnt.
Soul Bear Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Try take him out for a few STRONG drinks, and then as him WHY there is not WOMAN in his life. If he's sloshed enough he'll come clean
WineCountry Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Try take him out for a few STRONG drinks, and then as him WHY there is not WOMAN in his life. If he's sloshed enough he'll come clean Oh Oh..or after the strong drinks, get him talking about sex somehow. Ask him if he has ever been to a strip club, for instance. Then regardless of what he says, tell him that you have thought of what it would be like to be with a woman..but you havent tried it YET. (I dont care if that's not true..just tell HIM that) Then while y'all are in that frame of mind (experimentation) you ask him if he has ever thought about being with a man. See what he says...and how he says it. Keep the conversation light. Depending on what he says..dig deeper and say oh come on..have you tried it?? Then giggle, and say come on, tell me the truth! See if THAT works. And keep the booze flowing all the while.
Curious-One Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I agree that asking would be out of line, it was just a thought. He spoke of his hypothetical male crushes when we were talking about actors and actresses that we liked. He just out right said such and such "is my male crush", which alone would not be a big deal. I guess another reason that I am curious is because he is SO VERY HANDSOME and KIND, that it is a bit shocking that he does not have women all over him... I just have a feeling he has not come out of the closet. Maybe he was shy so thats why he doesn't have girls... That is the most likely scenario ...
Monroe Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Try take him out for a few STRONG drinks, and then as him WHY there is not WOMAN in his life. If he's sloshed enough he'll come clean Yup! I believe this way of approach will help you definetly.......
Author TeacupMovinON Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 Oh Oh..or after the strong drinks, get him talking about sex somehow. Ask him if he has ever been to a strip club, for instance. Then regardless of what he says, tell him that you have thought of what it would be like to be with a woman..but you havent tried it YET. (I dont care if that's not true..just tell HIM that) Then while y'all are in that frame of mind (experimentation) you ask him if he has ever thought about being with a man. See what he says...and how he says it. Keep the conversation light. Depending on what he says..dig deeper and say oh come on..have you tried it?? Then giggle, and say come on, tell me the truth! See if THAT works. And keep the booze flowing all the while. While I LOVE that idea, it would not work in this situation. He does not drink a drop. Not even a lil' sip here or there, so that plan is a no go...
Author TeacupMovinON Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 We have made plans for a coffee date later this week and then he is attending a big work function with me on Saturday. Two more dates should be enough time for him to warm up and lay a smooch on me. Right?? Keeping my fingers crossed...
burning 4 revenge Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 3. I have heard guys say things like, "I'd kiss Brad Pitt" or whatever ... meaning they can see the attraction for women. Yuck, Im sorry thats just really gay
Skump Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Uh, if you have interest in potentially developing a long term relationship with this guy, acting like you're ready to jump his bones after two freaking dates might not be a good idea! I'd sure as hell expect any girl I were dating to exercise more maturity than that... ditto on the bit about dropping fake comments about being "curious" about other girls. So damn cliched, and FWIW I'd have *zero* interest in dating any bisexual girl anyway. Be yourself. I personally wouldn't beat around the bush about this. If the guy is raising questions in your mind, I'd find some way to introduce the fact that you have no interest in dating a guy who's gay or bisexual (assuming the latter is true). My 2 cents.
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