drivesmecrazy3 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Now lets see. Personality wise, I am a person that's always been very laid back and easy going. I tend to do a lot for other people and usually put them before me if I care enough. Early on, I was always the kind of guy that would suprise a girl with flowers, etc. However, through various experiences, i've learned that even though this behavior is viewed as "romantic" or "charming" in the dating and relationship world, it usually never leads to any happy endings. In almost ALL of my relationships where iv'e been very emotionally communicative with the girls i've targeted, and its always ended up bad. Many times with the girl running to a badass. Does anyone think that there is a way to force oneself to be a badass???? I mean, I sort of dress like one because I wear expensive stuff/hats/etc. but im just too damn emotional.
GorillaTheater Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Yeah, I think so; at least, some can. I started out much like you are, got burned a few times, then went into full "bad boy" mode at around 19 or so, which really wasn't much of a stretch since I pretty "bad" outside of relationships with girls/women. But I fairly quickly settled down to a happy medium. I sugeest the latter is what you may want to shoot for. But it can't be faked. The absolute best thing you can do is be true to yourself.
carhill Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Sure, it's easy; just develop and implement boundaries. New people won't likely notice but the old ones who were used to the doormat will be seeing a bad boy now, in comparison. It's not you, rather their perception, which is skewed
AD1980 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Most women who are sane dont like "bad boys" thast a huge myth if a girl likes bad boys she must have self esteem issues.. You might see women with guys who seem like arrogant jerks or bad boys but its not neccasarily becasue women like that its that most really good looking guys know they can get way with beign a jerk and most women because hes really good looking will put up with his crap.. Stay a good guy and the right women will come your way..Trying to be a jerk or bad guy wil just attract women to you who have tons of issues..
Sith Apprentice Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 What to do what to do.. I think you should end it, find a slut and move on. Get all those notions of romance and charm out of your system. Why? Guys pulling the most ass aren't being romantic to get them. You have to put your time into the game and become deprogrammed. I used to be just like you. A bitter AFC nice guy who got no action. Eventually the nice guy will disappear and the Bad guy in you will say I put 2 dates into this hor I better get laid.
lucy9216 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 WOW!!! There is nothing wrong with being a good guy, you just havent found the right girl. I was with a really good guy and I messed that one up and he left me, he was really into me did all of the right things and he wasn't extremely attractive but I found him to be the sexiest guy ever just by the way he treated me and his looks became more and more attractive to me every day. Now that it is over between us he is trying to some kind of bad ass himself and this will never get him a real relationship but just some random girls. If that is what you are looking for then go for it, treat women like ****, if not than just be yourself. If you are looking to be yourself I could suggest just toning it down a little bit, maybe you are comming off as smothering. There is a good balance and you will find it.
BookerT Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 You want the right healthy balance? It's this. Women don't want to date another woman, that's why even if they say they want a nice guy they get turned off by a guy that's too nice. At the same time if you're a badass you can attract women but kiss any healthy relationship goodbye. The key is to understand how to communicate your feelings without being subservient or needy. To do that you have to want someone instead of need someone, and not care if they are not interested or could walk out on you one day. When you thinking that way they won't walk out because they will value you. Applies to both men and women.
limitless Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 In order to change into a badass you have to understand how a badass behaves. You need to understand why girls (but not all girls) like a "badass" and why the stuff you did, did not work. Girls don't actually like badasses. They like guys who are confident and sticks up for what he believes in and is not afraid to say what's on his mind. Girls like a challenge because it makes a relationship fun. It just so happens that usually the "badasses" are confident and challenging. For example, you always surprise a girl with flowers. Did she do anything to deserve the flowers? Then you do something else romantic for her but did she deserve that? Now don't think ok so if I do something romantic for a girl I expect something in return. That's not how it works. You only do something romantic if she did something FIRST to deserve it OR it is for a special occasion. And you only do something romantic that is proportional to what she did to deserve it or even less to challenge her. If you are always giving her stuff, how are you a challenge? She doesn't need to do a thing and you shower her with gifts. You say you are very emotional and emotionally communicative. Are you always telling her exactly how you feel about her? DON"T! Why are you telling her anyways? Control yourself! If you tell her everything, it takes the challenge away. If you must tell someone, tell a trusted friend instead to blow out some steam or whatever. Write about it somewhere. Remember be challenging. I think it's a great attribute to be able to put someone else before yourself. It is very altruistic. Just don't bend over backward for girls. Just don't unless they start bending over backwards for you. Again like I say before you only give what they deserve. It's also fine to be laid back. But you need to have boundaries. If you don't, then start figuring out what is acceptable and what is not acceptable for you. If you do not have boundaries, everyone will walk on you and that's what a doormat is.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 In my opinion you're better off as a medium rather than a full- on bad boy because 1) you're a romantic and 2) faking it will not get you anywhere unless you plan to keep the lifestyle. I believe the main reason you have a problem forming relationships is that you come on to someone too strong and too fast. Women like to be pursued but if the guy approaches things like their life depends on landing the woman, then their attempts at chasing comes across as desperate. The only reaction women will pull on this kind of man are avoiding phone calls and running away. The important thing you need to work on yourself is self control. I believe you do have the confidence to approach women except sometimes you go about it thinking it's what they want when it's the exact opposite. As someone has mentioned, avoid the flowers and the candies unless the girl actually deserved to be treated so or when you guys are actually celebrating a anniversary. Gifts are better off for " special" occasions and not for typical Sunday afternoons. You don't need to prove yourself as a romantic with fancy things. A smile, a hug? All these things done on dates are enough to gauge interest. Keep your chin up and don't overthink things. Words of the wise: sometimes simplicity is the best.
alphamale Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Does anyone think that there is a way to force oneself to be a badass???? sure, just start smoking cigarettes and drinking heavily and dumb yourself down
lucy9216 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 sure, just start smoking cigarettes and drinking heavily and dumb yourself down WOW!! there is my ex for ya.... and my dumb ass is hung up on him so hey maybe it will work for you
Skump Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Early on, I was always the kind of guy that would suprise a girl with flowers, etc. However, through various experiences, i've learned that even though this behavior is viewed as "romantic" or "charming" in the dating and relationship world, it usually never leads to any happy endings. Woah woah woah. Forget the stereotypes for a second. Step 1 is to start really thinking about what you're communicating through your behavior. Let's take your example: giving a girl flowers. Early on in a relationship (by which I mean before you are seriously committed), this is a bad idea. Potentially a really bad idea. No matter what anyone says, this act is generally going to be subconsciously interpreted as an "offering." By giving a girl flowers, presents, etc. early on in a relationship, you are communicating that you don't believe you're valuable enough on your own to merit her attention; those petty gifts scream "Please like me!" Enough with that BS. The gift is you choosing to be with her <--- that's the attitude you need to internalize. There's no need to act like some pseudo-macho lunkhead. Just be confident and don't jump to please. Save the really romantic stuff for the point at which she's really earned it.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 sure, just start smoking cigarettes and drinking heavily and dumb yourself down Eh, wow in my mind I always thought a bad boy was a James Dean lookalike.
AD1980 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Eh, wow in my mind I always thought a bad boy was a James Dean lookalike. Thats the only reason the word is romanticized to some women because they think in their head its a movie star looking good looking guy who goes from women to women that all women think they can change, if they showed what most of these actual "bad boys" looked like they wouldnt use the term in such glowing terms anymore..
mortensorchid Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It's attitude as well as appearances. I thought I was with "Mr. Nice Guy" a few years ago, he turned out to not be what we would call the "Stereotypical Bad Boy", but he was just as abusive as a Bad Boy can be. He didn't drink or smoke or get into trouble with the law or any of those other things, but he was mean, self centered and insecure. Instead of fixing himself he took out his angers and frustrations on me. So it's attitude in many ways, not appearances.
my_new_haircut Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Yes I agree with everyone else, girls are into guys that don't put them on a pedistol. And yes, it IS possible to transform into someone else. over time people change, it's a naturall part of life.
JohnP82 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I did for a while. I guess I was a little like you. I never bought girls flowers, but I was much too open emotionally and as a result was crushed. I'm trying to get to the middle, but the fear of being perceived as a nice guy really pushes me more to the bad guy side. Definitely a flaw but we're all flawed and I really don't care. Nice Guy = Girls don't like and wont have sex with Bad Boy = Girls don't like but will have sex with Good Guy = Girls like and will have sex with I guess you should act/be according to what you're looking for.
fatamus Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I just got myself a new R1 bike, my girl said to get rid of it before I kill myself when she saw it. I said I do what I want! and I just went for a midnight 160mph ride down the freeway. She will come around she likes the helmet at least. grin… nice guys ride bicycles around here, f*ck that sh*t.
Awesome Username Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Now lets see. Personality wise, I am a person that's always been very laid back and easy going. I tend to do a lot for other people and usually put them before me if I care enough. Early on, I was always the kind of guy that would suprise a girl with flowers, etc. However, through various experiences, i've learned that even though this behavior is viewed as "romantic" or "charming" in the dating and relationship world, it usually never leads to any happy endings. In almost ALL of my relationships where iv'e been very emotionally communicative with the girls i've targeted, and its always ended up bad. Many times with the girl running to a badass. Does anyone think that there is a way to force oneself to be a badass???? I mean, I sort of dress like one because I wear expensive stuff/hats/etc. but im just too damn emotional. Awwwww My heart just melted! I've heard the thing about good guys never getting girls and I have my own opinion about it; girls like nice guys, but not ones that smother them before the attraction is made. I have always been attracted to guys who were BUSY. It means that they have interests outside of me, which makes me at ease. I am afraid to hurt guys' feelings at the beginning of dating or relationships when they're thinking about ONLY me all of the time. Don't get me wrong, women definitely want the attention, but they want it after their attraction has grown for the man. This can take from a few days to a few months...you should be able to tell when this has happened. Guys are taught to smother a girl with gifts and love and bravado at the get go of meeting her. It seems kind of desperate when a guy moves mountains like this when you don't know each other yet. What most women want, in my experience, is a guy who has a lot of positive things and fun going on in his life that could potentially be the man of her dreams. For the most part, women take a little bit longer to build the initial attraction than men do. You don't have to be the type of guy that gets into trouble all of the time, or start drinking or be an ******* and ignore women. I think you should just keep yourself busy by being in situations where you can meet a lot of women (clubs, volunteering, being really social and going to parties, throwing parties, etc.) just be natural and you'll get lucky! People that do this but don't sleep around usually get good quality women, from what I've seen.
torranceshipman Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 You sound lovely! Just be yourself and eventually you'll meet the right girl that appreciates it. You sound like my boyfriend actually, but listen to limitless, if you are giving flowers, etc, make sure it is for a good reason and because the girl deserves it, and when she is already your girlfriend....don't jst shower affection and sweetness on a girl when she's done nothing to merit the good treatment...
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