jackson87 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Just a quick background of my situation. I was in a relationship with a girl for 4 years in high school. I was absolutely in love with her. We we're a year apart, and when I went to college things got rough. We still loved each other, but the strain that was put on our relationship was too much to handle. We made it through most of the year, but she ended up breaking up with me. Heartbroken, I came back home and transferred to a nice and very small college in our hometown. I struggled for the next year. Completely shut myself down, drank a lot, etc. Finally, the pain was numbed enough for me to start living again. I fixed old friendships, joined a rugby team, starting playing gigs around town (I'm a singer/songwriter), and just focused on me. Things were going okay until I heard she was coming to the same college as me. I was nervous, but when the year started we just ignored each other. We literally went two years without speaking (even though we had a class together). She dated seriously again, I enjoyed being single. Well, this past summer we ran into each other at a bar and finally spoke. We had an incredible, hilarious conversation and she basically said its okay for us to talk after two years of silence. So, now I'm in my senior year and we casually speak when we pass each other. But heres where it gets complicated. The other night I asked to make a copy of her notes for a class, and she said yeah, just come by her room. I showed up, started copying the notes in her room, and then all ofthe sudden she started having a serious conversation with me. We started out small, talking about our lives since the breakup, our families, school, etc. Then it moved onto us talking about the breakup and our relationship. It got really emotional for her and she cried at least 3 times..It was a good, and very necessary conversation. She told me she broke up with me because I wasn't the same person she fell in love with by the time I left for college. She said she tried to wait it out to see if things would change and they didnt. She said she loved me but wasnt sure what that love meant. She also said she has loved someone else since me. She did say, however, that she can tell I'm happy and am back to being like the guy she loved, leading her to say "If we we're dating now, it would really work." At one point, she even said how great our sex life was. After 3 hours, I left the room feelings all kinds of emotions. When I got to my house she had texted me saying "I don't blame you for anything , and you shouldn't blame yourself, we can always talk and I will always listen to what you have to say." I guess I'm trying to figure out if this is closure for both of us or some kind of opening for something. She did talk about the other guy she dated quite a bit, but also hinted at how well things could work if her and I were back together. I'm confused why the conversation even happened after so long. What do I do from here? Do I just sit back and keep living, or do I make some type of move? I'm still in love with her, but don't want to push her away. I know my love for her is real. Please give advice, sorry this was so long.
Author jackson87 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 So since my conversation with my ex, we have communicated through texts. Earlier, she sent me one asking about my music. She heard from a mutual friend that I was playing gigs around town again and asked what kind of stuff I was writing. We sent a few messages back and forth which lead to me telling her I would really appreciate some constructive feedback on some songs I've written (she was always my best critic). She said she would love to hear them. One thing lead to another, and before I knew it she was at my house. It was awkward for both of us, so we just went to my room and I played 4 or 5 songs. She really enjoyed them (even though some were clearly about us), and we talked for 20 minutes or so. She talked more about the guy she dated for a year (they broke up 2 months ago) and said he is coming in town next weekend and wants to see her. This just made everything more confusing. I'm glad her and I can talk and be friends, because she was my best friend for so long and I miss her, but I dont understand why shes being so friendly now. Its one thing to say hey and have casual conversation, but the last two days have been deep. What do I do and whats she thinking? ADVICE PLEASE!
confusedasever Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 What do you want to come of this? Why don't you just do nothing and see what happens? She came to you before with out you doing anything. She will come again.
Author jackson87 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 What do you want to come of this? Why don't you just do nothing and see what happens? She came to you before with out you doing anything. She will come again. I want to be with her. I still love her, but I've worked extremely hard for the last two years to prepare myself for possibly never speaking to her again. Now that we have spoken, a lot of old emotions have been stirred up. She might come again, but like I said she did talk about this other guy she was with for a year quite a bit. Hes coming in town next week and it sounds she thinks they might establish some sort of reconnection. I went two whole years without hearing from her. We passed by each other on campus every now and then, but I could have never prepared myself for the conversation we had. I just NEVER thought it would happen. Now that it has I cant help but wonder whats next. I'm not going to make a move, unless someone with a similar experience says to. I'm just going to say hey to her when I see her and hope I get another chance. It was me who screwed up our relationship (I was just unhappy for the last year we were together, not because of her). She said not to blame myself, but I definitely do. I was not a good boyfriend for the last half of our relationship. I never cheated or even though about anything of the sort, I just couldn't be happy or satisfied. She understands why and no longer blames me. But where to go from here?
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