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Discovered that my "hubby" is posting ads on a craigslist-esque site for gay sex

Odetta Dean

By Odetta Dean
in Infidelity

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Devil Inside Established Member

Devil Inside

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Should i see my councillor before i go to the courthouse? Do you think she would call them for me and explain what it was exactly she was talking about? I didn't know you could get a "child protection order" without the other parent knowing? She said it is all hush hush, and he wouldn't have to know. I hope she knows what she's talking about.

 

Should i tell him first? Or should I get this "CP Order", pack his things, and then drop it on him? Should I even tell him that i know about the craigslist ads?

 

Can someone offer me some advice?

 

I would have a discussion with your therapist again about this issue...just tell her that you would like to discuss the process and the pros and cons of going through with it.

 

I am a family therapist that works closely with social services in my area. I know, at least in my county, that one parent can definitely get a protection order without the other's knowledge. It comes to their knowledge later...but you can initiate the process without them knowing. I would advise you to get some legal counsel. If you can afford it get an attorney with experience in family law...if not I know my county has a court facilitator that can at least explain the process to you in detail...you need to understand what you are doing before going through with it..because he will be upset and will probably fight it.

 

Good luck keeping your baby safe.

kma11 Member

kma11

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Print out what you've found, leave it out on the kitchen table for him, with a note saying "Since I'm not really your 'wife', I guess it shouldn't matter to you that I'm leaving you, I want a divorce" then, pack up a suitcase, take your daughter and go stay with your parents or a good friend.

 

Let him stew in this ALONE for a while. If he tries to contact you, BE STRONG and tell him that he MUST seek counselling, figure out what is going on inside of him. Is he gay? Bi? Curious? Reguardless of the outcome, you two STILL have to co-parent together, somehow..

 

Anyway, yes, take the day off. Why bust him on the spot! That will do more damage to you. Talk to him and let him know what you've found and that you are not putting up with it.

 

Just note on that....He should pack up and leave. Do not Leave Your House!! Legally u could be screwing yourself...Do as above...just pack his bags..not yours

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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Should I go home when they are in the middle of it?

i don't know if that would be a good scene

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Odetta Dean Member

Odetta Dean

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Just note on that....He should pack up and leave. Do not Leave Your House!! Legally u could be screwing yourself...Do as above...just pack his bags..not yours

Yes, for sure. Everything is in my name. We are renting but his name isn't on the lease. All the furniture i brought into the relationship or bought, all he has left is a stereo, playstation and alot of junk. I won't leave everything behind that i've worked so hard for while he drank his money up and because he wanted more action, yet again on the side after promising countless times to change.

 

Not sure if that made sense, but you know what i mean right? Its a mouthful, *sighs* I'm just so exhausted from all this. Having a hard time concentrating on work.

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Odetta Dean Member

Odetta Dean

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I would have a discussion with your therapist again about this issue...just tell her that you would like to discuss the process and the pros and cons of going through with it.

 

I am a family therapist that works closely with social services in my area. I know, at least in my county, that one parent can definitely get a protection order without the other's knowledge. It comes to their knowledge later...but you can initiate the process without them knowing. I would advise you to get some legal counsel. If you can afford it get an attorney with experience in family law...if not I know my county has a court facilitator that can at least explain the process to you in detail...you need to understand what you are doing before going through with it..because he will be upset and will probably fight it.

 

Good luck keeping your baby safe.

Thanks DI. I've phoned and left a message with my councillor. Hopefully she can get me in sometime this week. I don't want to spend much more time pretending with him, it's so hard to put on a happy face.

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Odetta Dean Member

Odetta Dean

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I just had a nasty idea. I should reply to one of the ads where he says he's into everything and barely anything is taboo. I wonder what else he has up his sleeve?

Angel1111 Established Member

Angel1111

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I just had a nasty idea. I should reply to one of the ads where he says he's into everything and barely anything is taboo. I wonder what else he has up his sleeve?

 

Actually, that would be pretty funny. Go for it.

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Odetta Dean Member

Odetta Dean

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i'm evil. I did it. I asked him if he'd be into a threesome with another woman. He said he'd gladly blow me but he was cool with the woman being there, that she and i could do what ever we want. But he was in a committed relationship and wouldn't touch the other woman. :confused: he hoped that it wasn't a deal breaker.

 

He's messed up. Cheating is cheating. Bringing a stranger into our home while our baby is sleeping is messed up. But he's loyal to me with women? All of a sudden? WTH?

howcouldInotknow Established Member

howcouldInotknow

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This is what I did when I caught my wife in a emotional affair. She was like a deer in headlights when she saw and read the note.

 

Don't mention "Divorce" so easily. I think that work should not be talked about untill the very end. the word "Divorce" should not be just thrown around like that.

 

He loved you and you touched his soul at some point. So what he wrote could have been just reteric or he was just angy at you at that moment.

 

So, your husband is Bi. you can make your marriage still work. He must want it to work if he nevery told you anything. He just wants to fufill his Urges.

 

The only thing that matters is what you and your husband agrea to. Screw the public opintion or what other people and religon tells you is morally right. When it feels right for You and him then it is right. Maybe try a lifestyle change. Have sex with your husband and another guy that might be just all he wants.

 

 

Umm no thank you. If I found my husband/boyfriend with another man it would be over faster than ink can dry on paper. In a marriage that is fraud he misrepresented who is and lied about his marriage vows. Leave him if that is who he is the urges arent going to go away

Angel1111 Established Member

Angel1111

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Umm no thank you. If I found my husband/boyfriend with another man it would be over faster than ink can dry on paper. In a marriage that is fraud he misrepresented who is and lied about his marriage vows. Leave him if that is who he is the urges arent going to go away

 

I totally agree. I have a zero-tolerance for this crap and there is no discussion in the world that would change it. I would've run the second he admitted he was bi.

Angel1111 Established Member

Angel1111

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i'm evil. I did it. I asked him if he'd be into a threesome with another woman. He said he'd gladly blow me but he was cool with the woman being there, that she and i could do what ever we want. But he was in a committed relationship and wouldn't touch the other woman. :confused: he hoped that it wasn't a deal breaker.

 

He's messed up. Cheating is cheating. Bringing a stranger into our home while our baby is sleeping is messed up. But he's loyal to me with women? All of a sudden? WTH?

 

No, that doesn't make a bit of sense. I think he just doesn't get that turned on by women. But how how does he figure that blowing another woman isn't cheating? His morals are so far off-base I wouldn't know where to begin. You should talk to him as though you were a man - then see what he has to say.

schewter Established Member

schewter

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I think she did portray herself as another man...hence the "I'll blow you" statement. I never heard of blowing a woman.

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Odetta Dean Member

Odetta Dean

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I think she did portray herself as another man...hence the "I'll blow you" statement. I never heard of blowing a woman.

Yes thats what i did. I got two more messages from him after that. here is the worst one.

 

Gave it some thought, and I'm in. Just let me know what your friend looks like, I'm not into "the large ones" but other than that just let me know. I am becomming increasingly interested in this. ~ and it goes on after that.

 

I felt a little better lastnight knowing that he wouldn't touch any woman. But now i find this? It hurts, but it was my own fault for probing. At least now i'm positive what he is.

 

How am i suppsed to end this "phony" plan? Should I give him a fake house & street number and see if he goes through with it? Ugh. I feel so awful.

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howcouldInotknow Established Member

howcouldInotknow

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I am sorry your boyfriend is just gross. If you ask me his lack of interest in other woman is a hint that he is more than likely gay and just probably worried about what others will think. Now I don't want everyone to think I am some kind of gay hater but this would be a HUGE turn off to me. I would not want to find out more or anything like that I would be finished.

IfWishesWereHorses Established Member

IfWishesWereHorses

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Send him a pic of yourself... his sister... your sister...someone he knows that will blow his mind! God, you've come this far, atleast have a little fun with it!:p

Stroon Established Member

Stroon

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Send him a pic of yourself... his sister... your sister...someone he knows that will blow his mind! God, you've come this far, atleast have a little fun with it!:p

 

I know this is a serious and hurtfull situation but i cant help feeling that this is a great idea from IFWH.

At the worst, he'd realise it was you, oh well, at least its out in the open then.

At best, he'll actually believe that its a mere coincidence that the 'other woman' is someone he knows. imagine how much that would do his head in!

IfWishesWereHorses Established Member

IfWishesWereHorses

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I honestly was not making light of her situation... if put in the same place... at this point... I'ld atleast have some fun with him.

lonelyandfrustrated Established Member

lonelyandfrustrated

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You really want to eff with his head, send a photo of his mother. If she's still living, of course. Even better, a photo of his mother and father together.

lonelyandfrustrated Established Member

lonelyandfrustrated

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As far as ending the phony plan, ask him to meet the female at a public place--a restaurant or something, and that she will escort him to the rendezvous spot--and that she will be wearing something specific, like a purple scarf or something. Then sit and wait. It will be all Pina Colada Song, lol.

IfWishesWereHorses Established Member

IfWishesWereHorses

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The possibilities are endless... his bosses wife... his sister-in-law...

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Odetta Dean Member

Odetta Dean

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I've dug myself into a hole. I could send him a picture of me, but he's violent. I think it would send him over the edge if he knew it was me. He'd probably lose it and beat the shyte out of me again. (It happened a LONG time ago)

 

I can't help but feel guilty because of what i did. Snooping is one thing. (but , tell me honestly, if you found an email on a computer that only you and your partner use with an email like "wantsomec*ck etc.." wouldn't you?)

But posting and finding out if he'd be with women as well was a whole different thing. I feel like i've trapped him in some way. I hate that i feel this way. I wish i could just hate him.

 

The worst part of it all is that i'm alone. Also when people ask y i booted him what, what the heck do i say? I broke into his email and found out he was looking for sex with men and women? *sighs* I would feel guilty about outing him in a small town such as this. He'd probably be beaten up a few good times. God I wish he wasn't the father of my baby. :(

lonelyandfrustrated Established Member

lonelyandfrustrated

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Listen, you are NOT the first person in town who knows he's into guys, okay?

 

Protect yourself if he's violent. Forget what I said about meeting him. Send the mother and father photos. That should make him good and ill. And get out. Don't get beat up because he's a lying cheating a-hole.

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Odetta Dean Member

Odetta Dean

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Listen, you are NOT the first person in town who knows he's into guys, okay?

 

Protect yourself if he's violent. Forget what I said about meeting him. Send the mother and father photos. That should make him good and ill. And get out. Don't get beat up because he's a lying cheating a-hole.

I need to get him out of my house. Everything is in my name and if the landlord found out that he was in there and i wasn't he'd be evicted anyway. So i have to find a way to get him out after all this.

 

Should i print off the emails, including my "fake" ones and show him? Or should I just tell him i want to break up? He never takes no for an answer any other time we've broken up. I've always let him back. I need to leave him this time for good.

lonelyandfrustrated Established Member

lonelyandfrustrated

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Can the landlord help? Would he/she be willing to change the locks (at your expense, perhaps) to keep him out? Post a note on the door that his belongings are being held wherever (landlord's, storage room with a month paid and key provided) and any future setting his foot on that property will be prosecutable trespassing?

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Odetta Dean Member

Odetta Dean

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Can the landlord help? Would he/she be willing to change the locks (at your expense, perhaps) to keep him out? Post a note on the door that his belongings are being held wherever (landlord's, storage room with a month paid and key provided) and any future setting his foot on that property will be prosecutable trespassing?

I wish it was that easy. His name isn't on the lease, so if they found out i could get evicted too.

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