Booh Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Ok so I will start off by saying that when I first started university I was having a rough time, I don’t socialize well with new faces and it took time to make proper friends. When I was at college I wasn’t enthusiastic at all, didn’t bother much at all with any of the subjects I took and I didn’t get very good grades, this is what my first year was like at uni but thankfully first year grades don’t count. Later on I met this girl who worked really hard and has a great work ethic and i guess it rubbed off on me as I’m now getting top marks in all my classes. But here lies the problem, as she is a very reliable, consistent person I do try to work with her a lot on a lot of projects and we have become close friends. But now, every time I go back to university I keep falling for her and it kills me as I'm trying to reserve my feelings (she doesn't feel the same) and keep my head down at the same time. It stresses me out quite a lot which makes me come across as a moody mofo. As it’s my final and most important year at uni I’ve started to ignore her a little which has helped me a lot when I need to focus on my work but I can feel the friendship is getting a bit tense. The whole ignoring thing is probably a bit too much so I was wondering if anyone has any hints where I can keep in touch with her on good terms but don’t want to get too close and end up in the same old situation again.
Pedigree Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Well, if she's giving you that much that grief, keep away from her. But if you want to still be friends with her, you would need to be able to accept the fact that you're not going to be anything more than a friend with her. So if you want to still be friends, acceptance is the key.
Ronni_W Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Booh, I agree with Pedigree that your acceptance of the exact nature of this relationship is one part of your solution. But it doesn't sound as if it's the girl who is giving you grief...it is that YOU are doing it to yourself (with your own unmanaged thoughts and feelings.) You could see this as an excellent opportunity to start learning some assertive (open, honest, direct, clear, kind) communication skills, which will be helpful for you to know for all your future relationships -- romantic, platonic, familial, professional. Tell her how much you appreciate her as a person and a friend, and that you're grateful to her for role-modeling a work ethic that you have embraced. Let her know that you want to really buckle down this year, and are doing your best to keep distractions to a minimum. If the conversation goes there, tell her that you totally do accept the friendship exactly for what it is and aren't trying to influence that part of things...but just that it can sometimes distract you from your primary goal for this year. Let her know that you do miss the closeness of prior years, and are missing that. "The whole ignoring thing" may have been fine in kindergarten, but not so much at your age and stage of life.
Author Booh Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 Thanks Pedigree and Ronni. Ronni you gave some perfectly sound advice and I can't agree with you more, like a light bulb started glowing above my head when I finished reading it.
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