Empathy Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 This is long... but I'd like to share this with you all, what I just went through yesterday and the day before with my ex; Xaviera. In the beginning of our relationship, I was a protective but very caring boyfriend. Xaviera loved that I showed careness for her. I would spend all my allowance on her whenever I can, drive her anywhere whenever I could, and spend time with her whenever I could. I admit that when we get farther, I did less of that. However, I loved her just the same as I always did. I've been neglectful for the past few months. Then recently, I went passed the line and did something incredibly stupid. I had a dream that she cheated on me, so on impulse while I had some drinks, I called her and told her that it was over, that I was going to bring back her stuff. Little did I know, she was right next to the guy she was already getting close with. He comforted her against what I had done wrong. I realized what I had done wrong. So I came to her and I apologized, but she wanted to let me go. The next day, I begged her so much, that she finally came to me. I was so happy. So happy that she came back, I wanted to show her that I was going to be committed from now on. So I did what she wanted so much back then, but something I was very against. I gave my head a buzz-cut. And as you might know, I loved my hair, and as did my mother. In fact, my mother actually cried that I had done this to my hair because of her, because my mother was the one that did my hair. Anyway, I didn't even received much of a reaction. She was basically like... oh. Surprise. Then she went on to shower... Later, I went into the room and laid next to her. Guess what she was doing as I laid there? She was chatting with Alex. Alex Alex Alex. That's all that mattered to her. Later that night, she sat down and told me something unbearable. She had a "liking" for Alex, and this "liking" overpowered her "love" for me. So we made a deal. I had one week to show her the best of myself. I planned it out. Monday was Great America, Tuesday was the drive-in movies, Wednesday was pool, and Thursday (the last day) was when I would finally sing to her for the first time. I was so excited to do this for her, but at the same time I was torn asunder from what she had told me that night. I spent an all nighter figuring out what to do, how do improve myself, reading the lyrics of the song I was gonna sing. When morning was near, I took a giant elephant and placed it aside her. I placed a note assuring her that I was ready to give her the best time ever. I also put a rice crispy treat on one hand, and the Great America season pass on the other to signal that we were going there. When she woke up, she came to me and cried "Why are you still with me". The answer was obvious. I had the utmost love and care for her. There was nothing in this universe that would overpower that. I loved her more than anything and everything. So, I prepared her toothbrush, and went to make her breakfast. Things went downhill after. She decided to end it today instead. My plans were canceled, so I offered to walk her to one of the classes that I usually don't walk her to. But she didn't want me to. And why? Later, I went towards her classroom anyway. Then I saw her... smiling. The smile that she used to give me back then. And next to her was Alex Cox. Tall skinny white dude... but he was nice and rich. How could I compete? I've been screwing up, and now this dude... he has what I'm now lacking. So afterward, I attempt to give her another talk. I told her that I would want only one more chance to prove that I would never neglect her ever again, I would love her and care for her, forever and ever. But... she didn't want it. In fact, she laughed. Apparently it was funny to her. She showed no emotion, as I teared and sobbed about her leaving me. Apparently, I loved her more than she... liked me. So later, I took her home. I unpacked things for her into the car. I try begging her one more time, only to receive very little emotion back, and obviously, a no. So I dropped her off, and brought her stuff into her room. I came down hoping for at least a grand good bye... only to receive a small hug, a peck on the lips, and then she walked away into her house...not even looking back. I drove out, and on the way out, I saw her new admiration drive in: Alex. Now at this point, I have not eaten, drank, slept in over 24 hours. I was constantly shaking and my heart was constantly racing as I thought about my life felt dead. Apparently my mother had called her to ask her to come back. My mother and father thought of her as a daughter. And yet... she denied my parents. She wanted only Alex, and I was no longer of any worthy existence. As she told my mother this, she began to cry... and cry.... and cry.... Then she gave me a call, because my mother had told her to talk to me. One last time, I asked her to give me one last chance. Only... to hear her laughing at the movie. Apparently, the movie's priority was now higher than mine. I'm still heartbroken even now. I don't know what to do. I'm completely lost. And yet... I still love her. Xaviera treated me so well... but it seems she's shown her true colors. She... only cares about her own fun and well-being. Alex is her new treasure, I'm... just a piece of ****.
RevivExThexSouL Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I feel for you and I understand your pain, but this isn't a moment to be putting yourself down. If she offered to give you a chance and than took it all away to give to someone else, than it shouldn't matter to you up to this point. All the love, patience and warmth that you tried to pour into her is now going into another individual, the one known as Alex. If she doesn't even have the heart to hear you out and let you try and apologize to her the best way you can, than you know what? She doesn't deserve you words. As for laughing at you for trying, How COLD and HEARTLESS she can be. If you're going to stand there and let her laugh at you while being with another guy, than I'm not gonna let you stand for that ****; Emotions are something that should NOT be toyed with, especially to this extent when someone's heart is at stake. Don't stand for this, don't let her put you down and take control of your emotions. Don't Lament the Soul, Revive it.
Author Empathy Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) I know what you mean. I'm just really lonely right now... Edited October 13, 2009 by Empathy
ATR Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Day-um man she sure treated you like a door mat. Where was your self respect? Go complete NC. Learn to love yourself and realise that being single is a great thing, you can love yourself more than anything now. You do not need this girl, you need no-one in this world except yourself. Good luck Healing.
JaggedRoad Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Hey, you did what you could. Sometimes we do stupid things on impulse and we learn to regret it, but I don't think you should blame yourself for it in this case. Had you not done what you had, you wouldn't have seen her for all she was. Be grateful that it ended now than later.
DustySaltus Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) She says this: She had a "liking" for Alex, and this "liking" overpowered her "love" for me. You do this: I prepared her toothbrush, and went to make her breakfast. She does this: Then she gave me a call, because my mother had told her to talk to me. One last time, I asked her to give me one last chance. Only... to hear her laughing at the movie. Apparently, the movie's priority was now higher than mine. And then you realized this: Xaviera treated me so well... but it seems she's shown her true colors. She... only cares about her own fun and well-being. . READ THE ABOVE OVER AND OVER TO YOURSELF, IS THIS SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU? Dreams are often times about your fears and unfortunately sometimes dreams can become reality. You don't want to be second best though. The things that you did for her are very commendable. You have no reason to beat yourself up. I know that it seems hard right now but in time you will realize that she wasn't the one for you. Someone is out there for you and will more than you ever imagined, you just need to focus on yourself and your needs and trust me....just when you least expected it, she'll be right in front of you. Stay strong and stay no contact with her. Edited October 13, 2009 by DustySaltus
Author Empathy Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 I still can't get my mind off her... I see her everyday in class.
NopeNah Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 When you see her in class..see her for who/what she IS not who you thought she was.
Author Empathy Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Don't hate me guys, but my denial made me carry this even further. Don't get me wrong though... I am officially done. Here's the conclusion: So after she broke up with me, I still decided to go on the date that we planned, believing that there was still hope. It was to be a day full of surprises, because I was going to be doing things that I've never done with her before, but they were things that she would've wanted. I wrote her a sweet poem about my feelings, and bought her pink roses. I then took her to play some pool, then the mountains to see the city lights. I was also supposed to take her out to dinner, but unfortunately I had run out of money. So instead I just bought her a drink and a snack. Finally, we came back to her house, and I helped her do laundry and unpack the rest of the clothes that were moved from my house. Now this whole time whenever we talked... it was about Alex. Alex's neighbor, Alex's parents, his room, him leaving, worrying about him, everything: him. Even so, I kept on to that hope. Before I left, I gave her a little piggy back ride before I left just for fun, around her front yard. Then she hugged me, kissed me on the cheek, and we said our byes. It was a fun date, and I hoped that I had made some sort of progress... Following the next day, I called her in the morning to wake her up. I acted as her alarm clock, and asked if she wanted to put me on snooze so I could call her again, or turn me off. Later, when we had class, I was about to walk her, like I usually did. But instead... she told me that she didn't want me to anymore. She had Alex... which wasn't surprising... but it was unfortunate. After the next class, I decided to run to her class to greet her. I even gave my biggest smile and everything. Then she finally told me... she had already been dating Alex right when she broke up with me. I was finally done. I told her to kiss me goodbye on the lips, and hug me, right in front of him. She did it... then I walked away. As I turned around, they walked off and held hands... and she had the same smile she had just a week ago... just months ago... just a year and seven months ago... when she used to be with me.
JaggedRoad Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 You shouldn't have asked her to kiss you on the lips in front of him. That only shows your weakness and jealously; it proved nothing else in the end. But I commend you for everything else that you did. Hey, life sucks, but at least you're not married to a bitch (yet?).
Author Empathy Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 You shouldn't have asked her to kiss you on the lips in front of him. That only shows your weakness and jealously; it proved nothing else in the end. But I commend you for everything else that you did. Hey, life sucks, but at least you're not married to a bitch (yet?). Well, I was testing her feelings. I told her "Kiss me on the lips and I'll leave you alone from now on (in terms of dating, etc)". And she was reluctant to kiss me on our date... so I figured, if she actually agreed and kissed me it meant she really didn't have any feelings left. It wasn't like a "Oh I miss your kisses, gimme one last one before you move on".
samerdardy Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 no offence, but harden the **** up. your acting like her little play toy, do whatever she asks, give her everything in the world.. she took you for granted. incase it hasnt gotten through to you yet, she doesnt like you anymore. there is nothing you can but to move on. there is nothing you can do that will chagne her mind (youve apparently tried everything under the sun) move on - there is a billion trillion other girls out there who would kill to have a person liek you. so just go find them. cheers
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