boldjack Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Good point LIz, Posters have come to LS and said that their partners gave them an STD, then to find out that the poster was also having unprotected affair sex. So who gave what to whom?
Spoiled Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 For those of you who have had or are having a PA do you use protection or has it fallen by the wayside? My H was the only man I had ever engaged in unprotected sex until my A. We never used protection. Just because we knew each other for so many years means absolutely nothing. So stupid to put myself and especially my H at risk.
Fallen Angel Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Yes, but....this one has one or two other people in it. Does that not concern you? (And this is a question not an accusation). It should. I guess since we both tested before there was any sexual contact I felt 'safe'. I have thought about 'what if his W is having an affair of her own'... but I guess I have discounted that in the equation based on what I do know about her which is that part of the gulf between them is that another man has taken over her life.. "God". Seems silly saying it outloud now, well, seems stupid actually, but I guess I have rationalized it as "She is so involved with her church with their son(attending services three or more times a week, and every event they have, something almost everynight!) that she doesn't have time for an affair." Maybe it is time we both get retested... *sigh*
misternoname Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 My ex didn't...brought me home a "special" surprise. Isn't that nice?
Dexter Morgan Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 My ex didn't...brought me home a "special" surprise. Isn't that nice? hopefully it was something curable
smarterthanbefore Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I think anyone that has unprotected sex with an AP, then comes back and has sex with their spouse should be tried for attempted murder. I have to agree with you Dexter. I am a nurse, and I happen to work in Infectious disease. I can't tell you how many Wives and husbands come in my office with STD's given to them by their loving spouse. I have held the hands of so many people who contracted HIV from their spouses due to infidelity, and this thread has really made me beyond angry and upset. HOW DARE YOU PUT YOUR PARTNERS LIFE AT RISK LIKE THAT! You know what is so funny to me, how people say this, " I trust my affair partner". Are you kidding me. How stupid can you be. This person is lying and cheating on thier spouse, and you trust them. OMG. This really just proved to me why you never take a cheating spouse back. Not only do they break your heart, they could literally kill you as well from disease.
RedDevil66 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Sort of giggling at how naive some of you are. My ex of 11 yrs who I trusted with my LIFE and my SOUL, was cheating on me with a married woman who claimed she only had sex with two men, he ex and her current husband. Well well, turns out she has HIV. So while my dirty rat of an ex was screwing her UNPROTECTED, he was also screwed me. FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR! I was NOT infected but he was. Good luck to those who do not use protection in your Fantasy worlds!
bentnotbroken Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Sort of giggling at how naive some of you are. My ex of 11 yrs who I trusted with my LIFE and my SOUL, was cheating on me with a married woman who claimed she only had sex with two men, he ex and her current husband. Well well, turns out she has HIV. So while my dirty rat of an ex was screwing her UNPROTECTED, he was also screwed me. FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR! I was NOT infected but he was. Good luck to those who do not use protection in your Fantasy worlds! :eek:Wow. Sorry to hear that. Nothing is worth unprotected sex.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I would wager more people engaged in affairs go bareback than not, and I've seen on other boards where hardly any of the members that post use protection with their affair partners. They mostly say it has to do with trusting your affair person. Oxymoron if I ever heard one, though neither participant realizes it until they are in the 'hindsight' phase. Practical matters of any sort rarely come into play in affairs, until it is too late that is.
mybrowneyedgirl Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 we did EVERY time, but *insert the big L on my forehead here* not for that reason. we were double-uping on birth control as we didnt want to risk it all on pills.
JumpinJimmy Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 No. I am sure that millions have as well.
NoIDidn't Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 As a comment, I think out of respect for your wife or husband, don't you think it is best to keep that person protected, too? I know both affair partners are making the assumption that "we are not cheating on each other while we are cheating on our spouse(s)," but since an affair is cheating, CAN you make that assumption? Just curious. I guess if it was me, then I would have a difficult time NOT using a condom. I would wager more people engaged in affairs go bareback than not, and I've seen on other boards where hardly any of the members that post use protection with their affair partners. They mostly say it has to do with trusting your affair person. Oxymoron if I ever heard one, though neither participant realizes it until they are in the 'hindsight' phase. Practical matters of any sort rarely come into play in affairs, until it is too late that is. I totally agree. The amount of people that I know of personally that did the initial testing thing, and STILL ended up with Herpes and the like from their supposedly clean AP is not small. I would NEVER play with my health or my H's in that way. If I were going to have sex with someone else, it would be protected. Period. I was this way even when single. And I am still amazed at the numbers of single people having unprotected sex and getting off *easy* by finding out that they are expecting a baby, instead of waiting for the next break out. Sorry folks, but I don't *do* unprotected sex ever and can't understand it or the rational that goes with it. Sorry to sound so judgmental. I just feel like the nurse about the whole thing.
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I dont even think it matters if you have protection, condoms still break. chicks still poke holes in them with needles. Unexpected pregnancy, hiv, std's. I mean damn and besides even with condoms on cant you still catch crabs??? That's one of my biggest dealbreakers. I would never be with someone who physically put my life at risk like that. I've never stayed with any woman who has slept with someone else. because of that issue itself. She dont know what he has and she's gonna end up bringing it to me? Get the F outta here! lol.
NoIDidn't Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I dont even think it matters if you have protection, condoms still break. chicks still poke holes in them with needles. Unexpected pregnancy, hiv, std's. I mean damn and besides even with condoms on cant you still catch crabs??? Exactly. The things that you mention are the reasons that I feel that extra-marital sex is not worth the risks, protected or not. Diseases you can get even though you used a condom: Herpes Crabs Vagina Warts (HPV) Hepatitis None of those things are worth my putting myself or my H at risk. This is probably one of the main reasons that the ancients tried to convince us that we are monogamous (while we still struggle with it). (And I say this for myself, no judgment to those that have already taken the risk....but are hopefully rethinking it)
OWoman Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 For those of you who have had or are having a PA do you use protection or has it fallen by the wayside? There's no such thing as "safe" sex, only "safer" sex. My home country has one of the highest HIV/AIDS infection rates in the world. I make a point of testing regularly every few months. I'm also really careful about who I pick to have sex with. While we were sexually exclusive in the A, no, we didn't use condoms. We both knew the risks and made that conscious choice.
JamesM Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Exactly. The things that you mention are the reasons that I feel that extra-marital sex is not worth the risks, protected or not. Diseases you can get even though you used a condom: Herpes Crabs Vagina Warts (HPV) Hepatitis Yes, but the risk is not as great as it sounds. Not condoning affairs by saying this, but one can get hit by a car while walking across the street. One can shake hands with someone and catch the swine flu, bring it home and infect one's partner. There are risks to everything. And making sex somehow riskier when using condoms than say any other activity can border on scaremongering. NID, I understand what you are saying, but condoms DO prevent most every STD most of the time. And many STDs are blood borne. My wife is a health worker. She has poked herself with a needle a couple of times, and once was when taking care of an AIDS patient. Did she get it? No. Did she quit taking care of patients or even patients with AIDS? No. There's no such thing as "safe" sex, only "safer" sex. There is no such thing that anything is safe in life, but we still do it. Driving a car is more dangerous than flying a plane, but many of us are more worried on a plane than in a car. We take our family with the children and travel knowing the risks. We shake hands with total strangers, knowing that the germs they carry from every kind of flu, cold, pink eye, and other viruses, can be easily given to us. Those germs then infect our family. My wife will shake hands with patients today who have many germs associated with them. While she will wash her hands, this is not fool proof either. And I will probably shake hands with some sales rep today and who knows what germs he or she carries. Wearing gloves would prevent many viruses, but we never even consider doing that. Back to STDs and affairs.... Having unprotected sex when a condom can prevent STDs most of the time would seem foolish IMO...especially when in a relationship with someone who has already shown that he or she cannot be trusted.
stdslove Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 (edited) STD rates soar worldwide!!! Use a condom to protect you yourself!!!! A friend of mine who works for the largest STD dating site told me that the new subscribers have increased 200% over 2008. Rising STD rate sparks online dating sites. Edited October 14, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
65tr6 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Just curious. I guess if it was me, then I would have a difficult time NOT using a condom. If I were the OM I would have...no question. My wife and her lover did not. Well, the OM apparently tried but could not make it "work". So they threw protection out the window. That was my third or fourth question when my wife admitted she was cheating on me if they used protection. I learnt subsequently it is not too uncommon for waywards not to use protection. I told her the other day....."you have no idea, how close you were to becoming pregnant again". - Not to mention the risk associated with not using protection.
Lizzie60 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 If I were the OM I would have...no question. My wife and her lover did not. Well, the OM apparently tried but could not make it "work". So they threw protection out the window. That was my third or fourth question when my wife admitted she was cheating on me if they used protection. I learnt subsequently it is not too uncommon for waywards not to use protection. I told her the other day....."you have no idea, how close you were to becoming pregnant again". - Not to mention the risk associated with not using protection. Check my post #20... trust me I know.. it's very very common for WS NOT to use protection...
65tr6 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Check my post #20... trust me I know.. it's very very common for WS NOT to use protection... So you agree with me then ? I think i put too many negatives in my statement to confuse the hell out of everyone. Sorry. What I meant. It is very common for waywards NOT to use protection.
FreezorBurn Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Howand why the hell would you not use protection when cheating? I thought this would be a no brainer? You always use protection Why do people not use it when cheating???
65tr6 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I thought this would be a no brainer? You know I am thinking it may be a good idea to add an "addendum" to the marriage vows that includes.. "If I ever cheat on my spouse, I promise to use protection. This will protect me, my spouse and my children"
Uncontrollable_laugh Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Here's a good one. I had an affair with a married man - We had both been married to our respective spouses for 20+ years. His wife was also having an affair during that time frame unbeknownst to him. She contracted genital herp from her affair partner - gave it to him & he gave it to me. Whoop Whoop! So, something that isn't gonna kill me - but I'll have to live with it forever.
imagine Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Here's a good one. I had an affair with a married man - We had both been married to our respective spouses for 20+ years. His wife was also having an affair during that time frame unbeknownst to him. She contracted genital herp from her affair partner - gave it to him & he gave it to me. Whoop Whoop! So, something that isn't gonna kill me - but I'll have to live with it forever. No. The question is: Is it something that your husband is going to live with?
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