gypsy_nicky Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 That brings me to my next question. If the love wears off to the point of resentment, then was it really love to begin with? Or a really strong lust, that was confused with love? it is in my belief, yes it was love. Were human and not gods and so our love is very much limited to being conditional, meaning two people can only give love in the presence of reciprocity.
Sam Spade Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Spade your conception of love is also limiting because true love can develop from several circumstances not just one. What your saying is if a friend is good enough to love and be with, then go with it even if there's no chemistry, sexual tension, passion etc. Also, how come most people would not choose to go down this path from the get go? Booker t's statement on how love is a powerful feeling nails it down. Our sameness is what makes us different from each other at the same time. But that's exactly what I'm saying - there are multiple avenues and manifestations of love. Old comfy pair of slippers kind of love is just as valid and authentic as the whatever the 'crazy' one is supposed to be. Mind you, I've felt this way in the past, and that's precisely why I think it's overrated. As for sex etc. - duh, that's a given, and again - why picture it in halmarc/hardcore porn colors, when in reality all you need is someone cute enough that gets you excited in the bedroom . I'm impressed (and glad) that this thread didn't quickly deterioirate to condescending boneheaded statements like "someday it'll happen to you and you'll understand"
Soul Bear Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Lonesock- If butterflies are a girl thing, then that must make me a big girl. ... Oh my god...I'm a lesbian trapped inside a mans body......
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Yes love is overrated. Having experienced crazy in love feeling few times, I truly do not think I have the energy for it again. The problem with being "madly in love" is that for me it completely takes focus off all other areas of my life like work, family etc. I live in this obsessive, heightened emotional state where the guy I am in love with is ALL that matters. I am now done with that, and would like to experience a stable relationship. Someone with whom I can still function well in other areas of life and with whom I can feel enough affection to be able to have sex with while still able to think logically.
pandagirl Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Love is not overrated! It's what makes the world go round -- good feelings, etc. However, I do think passion/butterflies and all that other stuff IS overrated. Love should be a special connection, not a bunch of hormones.
Author aerogurl87 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 I am of the school of thought that people are fundamentally the same, and as long as you find a decent one with whom you can have friendship with regular orgasms you're good to go for the long haul . That's what I was thinking. If people focused more on who they can find to build a solid friendship with, have some attraction towards, and someone decent if not good in bed, then the divorce rate might be a little smaller. So I agree. In an ironic way, the endless pursuit of Titanic style love in the west is a lot more limiting and reducing people's freedom than the afore mentioned people in the thirs world who marry for practical reasons. There are many people who **** on perfectly good relationships in the name of the 'butterflies' and make themselves and people around them miserable for no reason other than the ultimately oppressive idea that there *has* to be something more to relationships . Oh I agree once again, hmm I like your logic.
Author aerogurl87 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 it is in my belief, yes it was love. Were human and not gods and so our love is very much limited to being conditional, meaning two people can only give love in the presence of reciprocity. I think humans have the ability to experience love that is unconditional, as is seen in the bond between most parents and their children. And that's the difference I guess in the "butterflies" love and "comfortable" love. Butterflies love is only conditional while comfortable love usually has more of the potential to be unconditional since it lacks the idea of your mate being perfect and flawless.
fral945 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Ok after reading someone else's thread, I started wondering is love overrated? I mean do you have to feel those feelings of butterflies in your tummy and hear angels sing when your SO walks in the room, to have a successful relationship? Or can you just be with someone whom you feel both comfortable and secure with, but not head over heels in love with, and have the same result? Your thoughts please. Love is overrated as far as from its degree of necessity in a relationship. Yeah but don't those who marry for reasons other than love usually have marriages that last longer than those that marry for love? Yes, and that's probably why people from cultures where arranged marriage is the norm are afraid of love based marriages like more progressive societies have. I'm all for the current system, but people have to realize it is going to be more volatile. The people decrying the increase in divorce shouldn't be surprised because society has moved over time from a more practical version of marriage to a more impractical version. I mean at least they have one common concrete goal to work towards and/or one or more reasons to stick together. Whilst the couple who marries for love usually has that little tricky thing known as love, binding them together, and nobody knows how long the butterflies will last. Not that I'm saying either is better than the other, just an observation. Love is an emotion, and emotions change over time, hour to hour, minute to minute. Expecting one partner who meets all your "love" needs is unreasonable and unrealistic IMO. But that's the way most of developed, modern society is. As one poster said, people in affluent societies have more time to sit around and worry about their feelings and meeting their emotional needs than survival. Yeah I guess you could say it's similar to adrenaline. It's like a wave that comes over you and leaves you helpless and at the other person's mercy emotionally. Anyway, after feeling that type of love to the extent I felt it with my ex I don't want to have it ever again. Yes it was nice and it didn't fade initially, but it also involved me crashing hard and suddenly, something I never want to feel again. I'd rather just know what I have in front of me without the haziness of "romantic love" surrounding that person and all their traits. I think that's why I like my boyfriend now, because I don't feel that intense butterflies feeling with him, but when I'm with him I still feel at ease and just peaceful. Like all is right in the world. :bunny: IMO, what you describe will make for a good long term relationship. Where I see problem in my real life experiences is with women who expect those butterflies, strong emotions, feelings, etc. throughout the lifetime of a relationship. They want the fairy tale. The reality is you and your partner will age, you may lose the love feelings, physical attraction, etc. to various degrees. But if you treat marriage more like a partnership and less purely from an emotional satisfaction standpoint you'll have a longer lasting relationship.
sumdude Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Love is what you do.. it's a verb. When you love someone you take care of them, protect them, do nice things for them maybe hoping for yet not expecting anything in return. Romantically it's mutual when at it's best. The 'feelings' butterflies etc are infatuation and lust... which you kinda have to have at some level and at some point to create the desire to do the rest.
Ariadne Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Ok after reading someone else's thread, I started wondering is love overrated? I mean do you have to feel those feelings of butterflies in your tummy and hear angels sing when your SO walks in the room, to have a successful relationship? Or can you just be with someone whom you feel both comfortable and secure with, but not head over heels in love with, and have the same result? Your thoughts please. No, love is not overrated for the few people who find it. But it's extremelly rare. What you are describing up is infatuation and companionship, none of those are true love.
Soul Bear Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Love is UNDER RATED Infatuation is OVER RATED
fatamus Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Our western modern society is all about the next “best” thing, everything is temporary and disposable it’s all about “me” and what’s best for “me”. I guess love isn’t any different in that context. I know many girls who have had 20+ boyfriends who they all "loved" i think people like that jump from one thing to the next to get the whole lust thing out of it and on to the next person. The worst is when the one you love hurts you so bad it forces you to stop loving them. The ones you love the most will hurt you the worst.
Author aerogurl87 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 Love is UNDER RATED Infatuation is OVER RATED Also true. But as another poster said, I think most people mix up infatuation with love and when the haze of lovey doviness disappears and people are left with the real (and imperfect) versions of their partners they leave. And that's why I say that love (in that unrealistic sense) is overrated.
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