astrid Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Hi, I am new here. Hopefully some of you can provide me with some much needed insight into my situation. I have been with my GF for 4 years (2 of which I have been living with her). We moved to a new city while I completed school (she came with me, w/ no job, just to be with me). For the past 6 months I have been seriously considering breaking up with her. I am getting more confused by the day. She can be a sweet girl and we do have things in common, although I have had this feeling of wanting something else. I wasn't sure if this feeling was normal and I couldn't imagine not having her in my future. For the past 6 months things have gotten worse. I think I have emotionally taken myself out of the relationship (doing things like, not combining our bank accounts, keeping spending separate, flirting and thinking about other women more). We fight a lot, and often it gets to name calling. I find she is angry at me a lot. However she can be sweet and we do enjoy certain times together. I find that now I may want something different. I feel like I never got to 'party' when I was in school. She doesn't like to party or like to hang out with my friends. I feel like I never got to let loose and just do whatever I feel like, on my own. On top of this, I had this older co-worker (im 26 she's 36) start to really like me. I like her a lot, too. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I felt really terrible about this. I not not one of those guys (at least I didn't think so). I always tried to do things for my GF and support her. I just find she doesn't accept my affection a lot of times. Recently, 2 weeks ago I thought I had made up my mind to break up with her. I initiated the conversation, which I thought might go differently. I didn't expect her to be so harsh but at the same time upset and confused. She said she really loves me and wants to try to work it out. She accused me of not trying in the relationship or giving up without trying. This is the part that confused me. I guess I was thinking that she had a point. Maybe I didn't try hard enough and maybe I needed to try.... so after sleeping on the coach and feeling bad at work the next day, I agreed to try to work at the relationship with her... 2 weeks later I am in the same situation. I feel like I could be ok alone experiencing different things, but I feel guilty that I am breaking her heart and how difficult it will be on her. I don't know sometimes... I get the feeling that I should just commit 100% with her, but I am afraid that it will be like 2 years later in the same situation unhappy and wasted all this time. Do you think it is silly to feel like I need to let loose? It is important to do so in your life? or is it selfish? What do you think I should do? I live with her and don't know where I would stay or what to do... I feel like I love her sometimes, but other times I feel anger towards how she treats me. Thanks - T
t0ri Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) You sound eerily similar to my ex. I think he felt just the way you do, and I was like your girlfriend - he ended up dumping me. That was 6 months ago, and you know what? I'm totally fine now. I'm actually thankful he did it because I could feel him pulling away, and I knew our relationship was falling apart, but I was trying to carry the weight of it all on my shoulders; I wanted to break up with him actually, but never worked up the courage. Anyway, first of all, you cheated on her. So you're already acting out on your desires to see what else is out there for you, for you to "let loose" and have fun, AND you say you like this other woman. That alone, gives you enough reason to end your current relationship, for your girlfriend's sake. This relationship is utterly doomed because it takes TWO people to make a relationship work, and you're obviously not invested. It will break her heart, but she will heal, and she'll be just fine without you. I think she's better off. Edited October 13, 2009 by t0ri
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