Estevon Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Last night my ex of 2yrs called me and said she really needed me to be there. Even though i have been seeing a new girl for a month now i am kind of used to being there for my ex no matter what. I was loyal the entire night, just talked and even resisted sex, it was not easy. I slept on the floor while she slept on the bed. Emotionally i guess i was cheating by then. In the morning we started drinkin with her roommates, after they left we had sex. I feel horrible, ive never cheated with a relationship that has to deal with sex. I betrayed this new girl, she is really fallin for me, now i dont know if i should make the honest moral choice or decieve her. Is it worth causing that pain to just feel better about my actions? I know i have to make my own decision but i could use some advice.
fabulous_chk Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I really feel for you, since I did the same thing you did. Read my thread. Most will bash you for what you've done and be told to tell your cheating to your current gf and move on. Exes are the devil, aren't they? They'd dump you but when they're going thru tough times they will use you for their own selfish needs.
Bryanp Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 If the roles were reversed would you wish your girlfriend to continue to lie and deceive you?
lkjh Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 This thread sounds fake but if it is real just break up with her( just like fabulus should).
JohnP82 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 This is crazy. Every time I log on there is someone in some ridiculous situation that they caused and don't know if they want to take responsibility for it. OP I really don't want to be mean but act like you have some balls. Own up to what you've done and end the relationship or tell her and allow her to decide if she wants to stay with you.
Bejita463 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Read my thread. Most will bash you for what you've done and be told to tell your cheating to your current gf and move on. Not liking an answer to a question does not make it wrong.
New_Life08 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Yeah, the problem is that you put yourself in a vulnerable situation without thinking about how your girl would feel about it. It's a phenomenon as old as time. Even with the best intentions, these situations can get out of hand. If you care about your girlfriend, don't get into these situations in the first place; it is common sense. Let someone else be your exes emotional safety net. If you're trying to build something with your gf, there should be no room or desire in your life for this nonsense. It is destructive and selfish. Your ex will go back to her life and you are left in emotional turmoil. How fun! The problem with not telling the gf is that these things have a way of coming out. That will be worse than telling her yourself.
Author Estevon Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 Cheating is the worst feeling i could have, but i decided that telling the truth would not be fair to the girl im seeing now. Ive made a living ammend not to do it again and move on. Its just not fair to hurt her over information that she doesnt know about. You could say i need to grow a pair and face it but i feel no need to bring justice to myself. I only have one life and ive messed up and learned, no need to ruin a part of hers. and ive also decided to not be friends with my ex because its just not worth the trouble. ive made a horrible decision and i just dont wanna make it worse, so ill hide that it happend.
seibert253 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Cheating is the worst feeling i could have, but i decided that telling the truth would not be fair to the girl im seeing now. Ive made a living ammend not to do it again and move on. Its just not fair to hurt her over information that she doesnt know about. You could say i need to grow a pair and face it but i feel no need to bring justice to myself. I only have one life and ive messed up and learned, no need to ruin a part of hers. and ive also decided to not be friends with my ex because its just not worth the trouble. ive made a horrible decision and i just dont wanna make it worse, so ill hide that it happend. No, you don't want to face the consequences of your actions, that's why you hide it.
JustLooking123 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Cheating is the worst feeling i could have, but i decided that telling the truth would not be fair to the girl im seeing now. Ive made a living ammend not to do it again and move on. Its just not fair to hurt her over information that she doesnt know about. You could say i need to grow a pair and face it but i feel no need to bring justice to myself. I only have one life and ive messed up and learned, no need to ruin a part of hers. and ive also decided to not be friends with my ex because its just not worth the trouble. ive made a horrible decision and i just dont wanna make it worse, so ill hide that it happend. Doesn't she have the right to make her own decision about you? Why do you feel entitled to make this decision for her? You feel guilty and know that the relationship is ruined, and you're lying by omission to try and salvage it. The bolded text speaks for itself. Oh, and by the way, it's far too late to "make the honest, moral choice." That went out the window when you screwed your ex. Now it's just damage control; "moral" has nothing to do with it. Tell your girlfriend everything and let HER decide.
TaraMaiden Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I thought this was going to be a big question regarding a social dilemma, like abortion, Capital punishment or euthenasia. Instead, it's just a feeble guilt trip by some guy who was too tempted by something on offer and couldn't control himself. Or rather, he could have, but chose not to. You CHOSE to see your ex. You CHOSE to sleep with her. This was a deliberate, wilful act and you scr€w€d her because you felt like it, and wanted to. This leads me to believe you don't love your new and current GF as much as you think you do - because if you did, the very thought of cheating on her with anyone, let alone your ex- would be a totally abhorrent thing to you. Secondly, taking the choice away from her by hiding your actions is dishonest and deceitful. If you really care about your current GF, you'll admit to her what happened, and accept the consequences, whatever she decides they are. You CHOSE to f*ck your ex. Allow your current GF to exercise the same privilege of Choice.
New_Life08 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Cheating is the worst feeling i could have, but i decided that telling the truth would not be fair to the girl im seeing now. I am not out to bust your balls here. I know stupid things happen sometimes. But, not telling her is what is unfair to her. Pain is a necessary evil when we choose to live in the moment without regard for the consequences. The thing that is hard to realize, but must be realized; is that a relationship doesn't only belong to you. It belongs to the other person too, and the choices we make affect them as much as it affects us. Choosing to sleep with the ex was wrong. You know that, but now you are choosing another betrayal by not being honest. Unfortunately for you these things have a way of coming out later, and the consequences are going to be much worse than the complete honesty you can give to her now. It seems it would be the worst thing in the world to tell her. But, showing that accountability for a mistake you deeply regret will mean more to her than you know. She might even leave you, but if she loves you she will likely come around and try to work on the relationship. Simply because you were honest with her. If she finds out the hard way - that is a double betrayal and she will not only mistrust you alone with other women, she will mistrust your integrity. I know you are afraid of the pain it will cause, and the consequences. But from a woman's perspective - I would be much more apt to work it out if he was up front; showing remorse and regret...than if I found out through the grape vine.
Javelin Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Read my thread. Most will bash you for what you've done and be told to tell your cheating to your current gf and move on. Only someone still riding the fine selfish line would take criticism as, 'bashing.' Anyway, I suggest not reading her thread, but do listen to the people asking you to take responsibility for your actions and tell your current girlfriend of your infidelity. The least you can do is give her a fair shot at life and decide for herself if you're worth staying with. You put yourself in this mess and now you need to clean it up, literally. So man up and start doing the right thing.
lkjh Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Cheating is the worst feeling i could have, but i decided that telling the truth would not be fair to the girl im seeing now. Ive made a living ammend not to do it again and move on. Its just not fair to hurt her over information that she doesnt know about. You could say i need to grow a pair and face it but i feel no need to bring justice to myself. I only have one life and ive messed up and learned, no need to ruin a part of hers. and ive also decided to not be friends with my ex because its just not worth the trouble. ive made a horrible decision and i just dont wanna make it worse, so ill hide that it happend. Way to bring justice to yourself Wyatt Erp. At least man up on this forum and admit that you are scared of the consequences. If you don't want to hurt her than dump her
No first names Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I know what I want to say here, but I'm struggling with how to put into words. So here goes...How will you ever know what level your current relationship could reach if you hide the truth? If you two ever consider taking your relationship to the next level, meaning marriage, no matter how "wonderful" things appear to be on the outside you haven't truly reached the level of intimacy required to make a marriage work because you chose not to disclose your infidelity. In my opinion your entire relationship is now based on a lie! There isn't any other way to define it. I hope that makes sense.
lamaman3 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Youve been kind of seeing another girl for "a month?" Oh Please...this other girl isnt your gf - you never made a commitment to her, in fact, shes probably dating around now too! Its common to date someone for at LEAST 2-3 months before you decide you want to commit to them and get serious. Why is everyone getting so dramatic? If I had went on a few dates with a girl over the course of the month - no way would I assume she was being 100% monogamous with me. Why would I unless she explicitly states it?
dreamergrl Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I really feel for you, since I did the same thing you did. Read my thread. Most will bash you for what you've done and be told to tell your cheating to your current gf and move on. Exes are the devil, aren't they? They'd dump you but when they're going thru tough times they will use you for their own selfish needs. We told you to let your bf decide if he wants to be with you after knowing what you did. You chose not to tell him in hopes you could take him out to play Cheating is the worst feeling i could have, but i decided that telling the truth would not be fair to the girl im seeing now. Ive made a living ammend not to do it again and move on. Its just not fair to hurt her over information that she doesnt know about. You could say i need to grow a pair and face it but i feel no need to bring justice to myself. I only have one life and ive messed up and learned, no need to ruin a part of hers. and ive also decided to not be friends with my ex because its just not worth the trouble. ive made a horrible decision and i just dont wanna make it worse, so ill hide that it happend. This smells like a troll to me. Way too much like another poster. No, you don't want to face the consequences of your actions, that's why you hide it. Doesn't she have the right to make her own decision about you? Why do you feel entitled to make this decision for her? You feel guilty and know that the relationship is ruined, and you're lying by omission to try and salvage it. The bolded text speaks for itself. Oh, and by the way, it's far too late to "make the honest, moral choice." That went out the window when you screwed your ex. Now it's just damage control; "moral" has nothing to do with it. Tell your girlfriend everything and let HER decide. And still a lot of the same responses the other poster with such a similar situation got.
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