lastnight Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Help meeee... My girlfriend says she loves me and wants to still be my lady, but hates our relationship. We has a pretty frank heart to heart in which she suggested we need to go back to having fun and regaining the friendship in our relationship yet she is still really distant and is making it tough for me to meet up with her, it'll be a week tomorrow since i've last seen her. Some advice would be appreciated here. We split up over christmas last year and to heal i cut her out of my life and went nc and she came back. But now i dont feel like i can do that as it seems as if i wont care about her or addressing the issues of her feeling neglect. Hmmmm...
laricla Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 have a chat to her about how much she wants to hang out. Maybe arrange a few specific things you can do together, just once or twice a week. I'm not clear on whether this is supposed to just be a friendship, or whether you're hoping it'll turn into something more?
hoping2heal Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Help meeee... My girlfriend says she loves me and wants to still be my lady, but hates our relationship. We has a pretty frank heart to heart in which she suggested we need to go back to having fun and regaining the friendship in our relationship yet she is still really distant and is making it tough for me to meet up with her, it'll be a week tomorrow since i've last seen her. Some advice would be appreciated here. We split up over christmas last year and to heal i cut her out of my life and went nc and she came back. But now i dont feel like i can do that as it seems as if i wont care about her or addressing the issues of her feeling neglect. Hmmmm... So she is feeling neglected? That is a fixable issue, but also a large headed monster if allowed to fury away and grow over time. Why is she feeling neglected?
seoa Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 she suggested we need to go back to having fun and regaining the friendship in our relationship yet she is still really distant and is making it tough for me to meet up with her, it'll be a week tomorrow since i've last seen her. ...the issues of her feeling neglect. Q1. do you think her concerns are justified, or are you feeling resentful that she's 'making a fuss'...? Q2. are you clear on why she is feeling neglected - did she give examples...? Q3. do you agree that the lack of fun & friendship is a real issue...? Q4. do you have things that you think she needs to change to fix the relationship, rather than you having to do things...? If you are serious about fixing things, then go back to first principles - do what you did to win her in the first place - bring a bit of romance back... Compliment her, make her feel special (what works for her - is she a 'gifts' person...?) - come up with creative ("fun") ideas for dates, and sell her on the idea... Sounds like she wants to be pursued... Although it's not about major gestures - don't (only) spend 3 months planning the 'perfect' date - arrange a good/great date once a week for the foreseeable future...
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