Is It possible not to have one ounce of Self-Esteem...

[Nubemeister]

I'm 20 years old and I don't have any Self-Esteem, since maybe I was 14. I haven't been your pretty girl ever. Never will be no matter what I do. I would love to have some and say yes look at me I'm.....so on

But I can't and I know it gets frustrating to some people.

I mean what some people say ...it just makes me get more into it.

True, Men like thin and beautiful women. That's a given...lol

That aspect I don't care for anymore...I obviously won't be liked.

But it is starting to affect my own thinking of what Im able to do...my abilities..

What does everyone suggest?

[lostforwords]

Nube this is gonna probably sound repetitive to you..... no doubt you have scanned thru some of the postings here at Loveshack.... but please seek some sort of counselling.... please.... you have done the first step and you know you have a problem with your self esteem... youve identified a problem.... now go and get help before it spirals into something worse..... please.... unfortunately you cant change the thinking of other people however you can start with yourself by accepting who you are.... sounds cheesy but it so true..... and to accept and respect yourself... is only when you can deal with other people... and quite frankly to hell with them..... to hell with what other people think..... just please go to counselling.

[Arabess]

Ahhh Nube...No one should think they don't have certain qualities about them which make them feel special and unique. It may not be mainstream characteristics they have....but a beauty beyond beauty. Like a diamond...waiting to be discovered.

 

The first person who has to discover the diamond within...would be YOU! Perhaps that will take counseling. Reading some self help books on the subject. Looking up sites on the internet which deal with self esteem. Making a personal list of the things about yourself which you DO like....then focus on them.

 

Men do not always gravitate towards thin beautiful women. They may LOOK at them....but most men fall in love with a woman who makes them feel loved and appreciated. Then when they fall in love....they think she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Look at all the wives and girlfriends around you.....they are NOT all thin and beautiful.

 

Like Lost said....get some help from someone who can guide you into seeing the person you really are and how valuable you are.

 

Arabess

[Breadcrumb]

I think many people are very shallow.

 

You say you are not one of the pretty girls. well, I can tell you that I wouldn't hold that against you. Don't think that way about yourself

 

I understand how lonely a person can be when the feeling is 'i just don't measure up'... but seriously ... screw all of the people who make you feel inferior. Don't ever believe it. Believe in yourself. Why not pick out one, just ONE, thing about yourself which you can be proud of. Maybe appearance related--maybe your eyes, your nose, your teeth, smile, hair, cute ears, good laugh..... something. Then take stock in all of the good personality traits. Think about them for awhile.

 

Believe that you are a person worthy of love. You are to be cherished. Believe that you will find someone who will appreciate and love you for who you really are.

 

A lot of people are shallow, always looking for the next more attractive person to come walking by. I think the more attractive a person is, generally the more respect they receive. I can't believe it. I like to treat everyone with the same politeness.

 

Just keep trying. It's hard these days. Everything tells you that you are aren't worth much if you're not attractive. PC people will say otherwise in the media, but it's glaring right back at the public in a message clear as day, through reality shows based on fake-o yet above average looking people, in TV, movies, real life, the dating scene, job searching, mate selection......the list goes on and on. I really feel for anyone who is not society's version of gorgeous. I like to think that everyone's a pretty good catch in at least a few different ways

[yes]

so you think you'd like to be thinner? why not take up exercising and a healthy eating style?? it will make you feel better in two ways - you'll be more fit; you'll be healthier; exercise also induces "feeling good" hormones.

 

so in addition to getting to that counsellor... get to the gym! (i guess it's best to consult with someone for an exercise program for you...)

 

-yes

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

Nube...

 

i have learnt in my late 20's that beauty is in the eye of the beholder

 

you do not have to look like a covergirl to be attractive to somebody

 

often a nice smile and a beaming personality are what attracts a man to a woman before her looks

 

however i also recommend you exercise and eat healthily as these will only compliment you

 

men like a woman or girl that looks after herself

 

good luck!

[Morticia2k1]

Hi Nube,

Know just where your coming from...the hardest thing in the world is to love/value yourself.

My belief is that it comes from being unloved/appreciated/encouraged as a child.

 

For years I kicked against that but now I accept it as a fact!! As the mother of two very grown up kids I am well aware of the effect of positive up-bringing!! If you are told something often enough you believe it. Commonly known as the "dripping tap" effect.

 

Solution? Very simple, but also the hardest as I said. I struggle with it on a day to day basis. Put simply.. every time you have a negative thought about yourself, kick it out!! You are just re-inforcing someone else's negativity. Not yours.

 

if you have problems with your own self-image i.e. weight etc. deal with it for yourself, no one else, they are not responsible, you are! Why let them win? Thin does not equal happiness, but if you are unhappy about your size then do something.

 

There is no one in the world more entitled to be happy than you are!

Love is unconditional, give it to yourself first.

Good luck, your worth it!!

Morticia x

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

Morticia2k1 you know what you are talking about alright and i seem to have had a somewhat similiar experience

 

as a teenager i didn't get on with my one of my parents who i didn't speak to much in the past 14 years then he died very young this year

 

he was fairly good to me when i was younger but not when i was a teenager for whatever reason,

 

I had to leave the family home when i was 17 before going to university, i was never asked to return to my home and somehow i managed to end up with a post graduate qualification and more nowadays but where I live in Europe it won't even get me a job

 

now my girlfriend broke up with me recently and i have to say i have been at the lowest in my life with zero self worth of belief, I have had to get councelling recently and it is apparent that people like me take rejection so badly it debilitates them beyond belief, this I was told relates what has happened to me over the past... basically being rejected by one of my parents, I always found it hard to let anyone into my life and when I do I am disturbingly vunerable

 

its all a bit too easy to say just kick it out etc. and do it all yourself when a person is beyond helping themselves, I would advise anyone to get support and ask for help, there are many many people out there who will help you out

 

how many celebrities have fitness trainers/motivators?...

 

almost all! why? because they need support and CAN'T do it themselves

 

being thin won't necessarily make you happy but a better self image if that is important to you will give you the confidence to value yourself and then other things will happen for you!

 

its always good to be humble though

 

sometimes it is hard to love yourself first, it just doesn't happen like that all the time, i know I have a current problem with my zero self esteem and when people point out how i should have it because of a b c I just can't see it

 

most people who are human and actually worth knowing will value a person who is kind, friendly and unselfish despite their looks over a self obsessed beautiful looking person!!!!!