livingthrudying Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I have been having severe panic attacks and feelings of depression and issues with morality and all kinds of other issues. I will say in advance please forgive me for this post being long but nesscary to explain everything so hopefully i get some good advice. Back around christmas time of last year i discovered my wife (soon to be ex, papers have been filed) was back in contact with her ex (she cheated on me with him). She had promised no contact with him ever again since obviously there was a issue. I decided to basiaclly pack up and leave my entire life behind. This is where the real issue starts. I sold off alot of my things and headed to Virginia to stay with my half brother (we have not had much of a realtionship at all throughout our lives). He is in the car business and i have lived with him for the past 7 months or so. HE is the complete opposite of me. Where i am a nice guy and generally try to worry about morals and doing things right regardless of what my gain from it is, he is a salesmen thru and thru. His mantra basiclly is Lie, Rob Cheat and steal (such is the nature of this business i have learned). He steals things constantly from little things in a store just to do it to major things to mess with people he feels has wronged him. He has a very bad cocaine problem, is married and has a crumbling relationship with his wife and son (again i live in this house and have to see all this on a daily basis). I have been in the position of having to lie constantly to cover for when he goes out all night on cocaine binges with Prostitues. I have watched him be a jerk to people just to be a jerk to people in a sadistic manor cause he derives pleasure from it. Throughout everything we have lost one business due to him being involved in drug binges and not doing the right things when he should have. BAsically everything is smoke and mirrrors and always working some kind of angle with everyone. He says he is honest and upfront with me, but i do not believe it. I have been questioned by police several times involving stupid things he has done to get back at people, everything from stealing a car and hiding it to steaing a copy machine and just other stupid stuff ( i have a felony on my record from when i was stupid and 17, i am 34 now) so this worries me a great deal as i walk the straight and narrow as one time in trouble was enough for me in my life. This is just a breif sysnopsis of my problem. I have been very depressed over life ingeneral. I do not think being in the car business is for me. It takes someone who cares very little about morality and honesty and these are things i aspire to try and make a daily part of my life. My step mother has offered a place for me to stay back in texas where i moved from. My ex father in law has said i am welcome anytime at his place and wants to help me get involved with church and having faith in my life. I also believe i need conciling from a troubled childhood and sexual abuse as i do not feel i believe in or love myself at all. I spoke to my brother and he said he wants to try help me get help and have me stay here, that there is no reason for moving back to texas as i dont have any great business opportunitiues waiting for me there. I am part owner of this business ( Only 9 percent) and while he is right it will be extremely tough for me financially i believe i will be able to sleep better at night and have friends again and maybe one day find a job and life that i feel good about. I welcome any and all thoughts and questions about this please. I am pretty close to just selling everything i have and moving back to texas but want to make sure i dont make a bad decision again. I feel likei am being manipulated and trying to be controlled but unsure Please help and thanks in advance!
quankanne Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 moving to a place where you feel good about yourself and you've got the kind of support you need is a smart move in my book. I know it's hard loving someone, but being repulsed by the way they choose to live (the lying, cheating, etc) – moving out of your brother's house doesn't mean you love him any less, but that you understand this isn't the kind of healing environment you need right now. best of luck to you ...
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) Back around christmas time of last year i discovered my wife (soon to be ex, papers have been filed) was back in contact with her ex (she cheated on me with him). She had promised no contact with him ever again since obviously there was a issue. I decided to basiaclly pack up and leave my entire life behind. That's terrible. Its helpful to find a support network - people who can provide you guidance in terms of how to financially handle your life change, being able to vent, spiritual guidance and then moving (or living adjustments). I would imagine that divorce settlements are handled at the state-level. Which state were the divorce papers filed? This is where the real issue starts. I sold off alot of my things and headed to Virginia to stay with my half brother (we have not had much of a realtionship at all throughout our lives). He is in the car business and i have lived with him for the past 7 months or so. HE is the complete opposite of me. Where i am a nice guy and generally try to worry about morals and doing things right regardless of what my gain from it is, he is a salesmen thru and thru. His mantra basiclly is Lie, Rob Cheat and steal (such is the nature of this business i have learned). He steals things constantly from little things in a store just to do it to major things to mess with people he feels has wronged him. He has a very bad cocaine problem, is married and has a crumbling relationship with his wife and son (again i live in this house and have to see all this on a daily basis). I have been in the position of having to lie constantly to cover for when he goes out all night on cocaine binges with Prostitues. I have watched him be a jerk to people just to be a jerk to people in a sadistic manor cause he derives pleasure from it. Throughout everything we have lost one business due to him being involved in drug binges and not doing the right things when he should have. BAsically everything is smoke and mirrrors and always working some kind of angle with everyone. He says he is honest and upfront with me, but i do not believe it. I have been questioned by police several times involving stupid things he has done to get back at people, everything from stealing a car and hiding it to steaing a copy machine and just other stupid stuff ( i have a felony on my record from when i was stupid and 17, i am 34 now) so this worries me a great deal as i walk the straight and narrow as one time in trouble was enough for me in my life.! You ask us if your brother is a sociopath. Well, you stated that he stole a car and a copy machine - obviously he has a criminal record related to theft and lies quite a bit, that doesn't qualify him as a sociopath. From what I gather, a sociopath is a master manipulator - but I'm not a licensed psychiatrist/psychologist, nor do I claim to understand the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (DSM IV). The poster named Thomas X forever seemed to be pretty well versed in it (or seem to be). Man, that sucks. I'm sorry to hear about the misfortunes that your half-brother caused you but you say the police questioned you. What was that like? What kind of business did you lose? This is just a breif sysnopsis of my problem. I have been very depressed over life ingeneral. I do not think being in the car business is for me. It takes someone who cares very little about morality and honesty and these are things i aspire to try and make a daily part of my life. My step mother has offered a place for me to stay back in texas where i moved from. My ex father in law has said i am welcome anytime at his place and wants to help me get involved with church and having faith in my life. I also believe i need conciling from a troubled childhood and sexual abuse as i do not feel i believe in or love myself at all. I spoke to my brother and he said he wants to try help me get help and have me stay here, that there is no reason for moving back to texas as i dont have any great business opportunitiues waiting for me there. I am part owner of this business (Only 9 percent) and while he is right it will be extremely tough for me financially i believe i will be able to sleep better at night and have friends again and maybe one day find a job and life that i feel good about.! Dude, sorry to hear about your troubled childhood. I hope you can find someone, whether it be a counselor, religious staff or psychiatrist that can help you get through this. Some things that may help you sleep better at night in the mean time: - regular, intense exercise - adjusting state of mind - listening to music, watching something entertaining - Talking to someone you trust - Not eating too late Best of luck to you. Edited October 12, 2009 by You'reasian
Athena Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) Your brother appears high in Machiavellian traits -- basically people who will do anything to win... they are the typical con artists and have little empathy and no remorse for their actions. You have already witnessed what he is capable of doing to his own wife!, never mind to unsuspecting clients. Since you are tied to him by blood, a place to stay, and a 9% interest in his business, you should start to extricate yourself from what you can. Either give him the 9% or get paid out, but do whatever you can to legally GET OUT of any 'partnership' with him, because when he finally has the law catch up with his wheeling and dealing, lying and cheating, he will likely point the finger at you and bring you down with him. Why are you placing your trust in an untrustworthy person? Haven't you been through enough with a cheating wife already?! AVOID people who are unscrupulous... Move back to TX, but you don't necessarily have to sell everything... take it with you if you prefer... at any rate get the heck out of that man's clutches! Have you heard of a regression towards the mean? You will become more like him over time... Edited October 13, 2009 by Athena
boundaryproblem Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 I agree with Athena. Ditch the brother. You are 10 times the man he is. Surround yourself with good people/friends and your soul will recover and you will come out of your depression. Money is important, but your soul is more valuable. So you will have to weigh the price of getting your 9% from your brother. Try to get paid up front, even if you only get paid out - say 5%. He has no incentive to put a deal together with you because he is paying out. I recently put a difficult deal together with a narcissist. I used external pressure to get him to look at the proposed agreement: I hired a lawyer for him and booked a mediator. ie deadline of expensive mediation if he didn't go to his lawyer and just sign the deal I offered. I presented him with the written offer/agreement. Make it really easy for him to agree (ie do all the work on both sides of the deal and even help him arrange the financing to pay you out). That's what worked for me. Do all the work and set a deadline by booking an expensive mediation date that each party has to pay 1/2 the cost.
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