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LDR is coming to an end but I'm not as excited as I thought I would be...

Lovelymisa

By Lovelymisa
in Long-Distance Relationships

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Lovelymisa Member

Lovelymisa

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Hi all -

 

I've been living with my boyfriend in Spain for one year before I had to move back to California for tying up some loose ends... and to get all paperworks and such ready for our future marriage in spain. When I first came back to California I was miserable - every day crawled by and it kills me to be so far from the love of my life... I miss him so much and everyday around sunset I would feel very lonely and sad. We've been apart for 4 months now and I see the end of our LDR coming in about 3 months when I make my official move to Spain to marry him and be with him everyday for the rest of my life :love:

 

Today I confirmed this by actually finding a very reasonable priced ticket to Spain for the 28th of December coming up...yet I am not excited about it and the aspect of starting my new life over there.

 

I find myself feeling so sad now - but a totally different type of sadness. I love my boyfriend so much - I miss him so much I still feel very lonely without him - but now I am dreading coming back to Spain and leaving behind my family here. I am an only child and I'm all that my parents have. I also have two grandparents here and a very old and loyal dog. I feel like I am being so selfish to go and follow my heart - start my new life leaving the people who loved me the most behind...

 

My parents are very supportive of me moving to Spain because all they ever want for me is to find happiness. I did find happiness - but I am not 100% happy being so far away from my family especially my parents. My boyfriend moving to the states is impossible because he has many ties and responsibilities in Spain. I just wish I can have both my family and my boyfriend near me -

 

I guess I am just trying to sort out my feelings - I love my boyfriend with all of my heart - I love my parents they have worked so hard all their lives for me... I really want to go back to Spain and book this ticket for the 28th of December - my parents are encouraging me to as well...I know that ultimately I will book the ticket and go I am just not sure how to get rid of this sadness - it seems to increase more as the date upon leaving draws near... :(

 

If you have any advice on how I can take control of my emotions please please give them to me.. Thank you everyone so much.

Edited by Lovelymisa
Toe Jam Member

Toe Jam

Posted
Posted

lovers come and go but family is around forever...

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Lovelymisa Member

Lovelymisa

Posted
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Posted (edited)
lovers come and go but family is around forever...

 

So does that mean that I should go with my heart because my family will always be around forever?

 

Or

 

Stay and be with my family because lovers come and go.....

 

Sorry if it is obvious but I just can't seem to see it ...:(

Edited by Lovelymisa
carvidep Established Member

carvidep

Posted
Posted

Your situation is actually very similar to mine, minus the getting married part. I'm also an only, mom and dad's little baby, and my 12.5 year old little brother (collie haha) just passed away a few weeks ago. He was old and his body was beginning to fail him. He's actually the one I felt most guilty about leaving behind, because I can talk to my parents on Skype any time I want, but he'd never understand any of it, and I'd hate for him to pass while I was gone. I hate thinking of this as a blessing in disguise though, thinking "oh, he's gone now so there's no more reason to feel guilty about leaving." It's okay though, and your dog will be okay I'm sure. I hope that didn't scare you too much!

 

As for parental guidance, my parents are like yours. They only want me to be happy, and they're always telling me to follow my heart. I'm planning to be in Spain for a year at the least, so I'm not sure when I'll see them again after I go, but it'll happen. Heck, it gives them an excuse to visit Spain!! ;)

 

My advice to you is the same advice I give myself every day. Go, try it, have your adventure, and if things don't turn out the way you want them to in the end, you can always come back. :)

 

Besides, what am I gonna do after class while I'm in Barcelona if I don't have my fellow American LS friend to go to the beach with?? :bunny::p

SuburbanOblivion Established Member

SuburbanOblivion

Posted
Posted

You are about to give up everything you know to move to a country with an entirely different culture, language, and everything else..I'd be surprised if you *weren't* having issues! :)

 

Just remember that even though it feels like it when we are separated from our loved ones, in reality the world isn't that big. Get your family hooked up on Skype voice and video chat so you can talk and see each other regularly. Plan regular trips home for holidays. Have your parents send regular care packages of things from home that you can't get over there.

 

It's normal to be nervous about making such a big change, but don't let nerves get the best of you, you've gone through too much to let a little homesickness get in the way of love :love:

Xelha Member

Xelha

Posted
Posted

I've been thinking about the exact same thing lately. My boyfriend is also Spanish, and it makes me a bit sad to think that the more logical choice is for me to one day move over there. I have a few more years until I have to worry about that, though.

 

But yeah, I know what you mean about feeling "selfish". I feel like where my bf and I decide to live in the future has nothing to do with what we want, in a way, it has more to do with what our families want and what would be best for everyone involved. I'd like to be able to stay in my country though, in spite of it all.:p We'll see what happens.

 

Do you plan on going back to visit the US after moving to Spain?

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Lovelymisa Member

Lovelymisa

Posted
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Your situation is actually very similar to mine, minus the getting married part. I'm also an only, mom and dad's little baby, and my 12.5 year old little brother (collie haha) just passed away a few weeks ago. He was old and his body was beginning to fail him. He's actually the one I felt most guilty about leaving behind, because I can talk to my parents on Skype any time I want, but he'd never understand any of it, and I'd hate for him to pass while I was gone. I hate thinking of this as a blessing in disguise though, thinking "oh, he's gone now so there's no more reason to feel guilty about leaving." It's okay though, and your dog will be okay I'm sure. I hope that didn't scare you too much!

 

As for parental guidance, my parents are like yours. They only want me to be happy, and they're always telling me to follow my heart. I'm planning to be in Spain for a year at the least, so I'm not sure when I'll see them again after I go, but it'll happen. Heck, it gives them an excuse to visit Spain!! ;)

 

My advice to you is the same advice I give myself every day. Go, try it, have your adventure, and if things don't turn out the way you want them to in the end, you can always come back. :)

 

Besides, what am I gonna do after class while I'm in Barcelona if I don't have my fellow American LS friend to go to the beach with?? :bunny::p

 

Hey pretty - thank you for your words. It really helps me knowing that I'd have at least one friend over there :)

 

You are absolutely right about going and trying it - I actually spoke with my parents my feelings today and they really helped calm down my nerves. And yes I know I'll always have my family here in case I want to come back. Family is family - they will never leave you right?

 

Btw are you going to stay in Barcelona the full month of taking that class? I'd love to really actually meet you and we could yes go to the beach although im sure it will be so cold no? But we could most definitely have drinks and go out for fun :)

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Lovelymisa Member

Lovelymisa

Posted
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Posted
You are about to give up everything you know to move to a country with an entirely different culture, language, and everything else..I'd be surprised if you *weren't* having issues! :)

 

Just remember that even though it feels like it when we are separated from our loved ones, in reality the world isn't that big. Get your family hooked up on Skype voice and video chat so you can talk and see each other regularly. Plan regular trips home for holidays. Have your parents send regular care packages of things from home that you can't get over there.

 

It's normal to be nervous about making such a big change, but don't let nerves get the best of you, you've gone through too much to let a little homesickness get in the way of love :love:

 

Hi SuburbanOblivion - thank you for taking the time to help me with my situation. You hit some key points and it is so true that the world is really not that big if the people want to be in touch. I know of people who live literally down the street from one another yet rarely visit.

 

My boyfriend is just so wonderful and he is trying his best to support me and he knows I am very sad right now and is very sweet and comforting :) I know that it would not be a mistake to separate from my parents to be with him - he's one of a kind. We've been through way too much to let homesickness get in our way :love:

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Lovelymisa Member

Lovelymisa

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I've been thinking about the exact same thing lately. My boyfriend is also Spanish, and it makes me a bit sad to think that the more logical choice is for me to one day move over there. I have a few more years until I have to worry about that, though.

 

But yeah, I know what you mean about feeling "selfish". I feel like where my bf and I decide to live in the future has nothing to do with what we want, in a way, it has more to do with what our families want and what would be best for everyone involved. I'd like to be able to stay in my country though, in spite of it all.:p We'll see what happens.

 

Do you plan on going back to visit the US after moving to Spain?

 

Thanks Xelha for sharing with me how you are feeling as well. In life sometimes we just cannot have the best of both worlds - there is always give and take - and one thing we must learn sometimes is to just say good bye even if its just for a while.

 

I'm trying my best to think positive and be happy - and really enjoy the time I have with my parents now. I definitely plan to come back and visit the US however I need to get situated first and it might take some time for the first visit - after that it should be quite often :)

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