beanzmom Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I originally posted back in early August titled Internet "Affair". Wanted to follow up and see what everyone thought of recent developments... Okay, I left some time go to see what happened next. Hubby is definitely an alcoholic, promised me he would never touch a drop again. Lasted a month (switched to drinking O'Doul's during that time, so never really quit) until he blamed me last weekend for being too "demanding" on him for bugging him to get a full time job and to better himself by finishing college, went out and bought a case of beer. WOW. Who knew I was being such an insufferable Beyotch by asking him to man up and help support the family? He brings in $600 per month and goes to school...and drinks nearly all of it away. He hasn't deposited a paycheck into the bank account in nearly two months. So I have no access to it unless I ask him. Nice. He blows through $300 in no time, not sure where it's going. I also found that he had signed up on one of those affair sites online and I also found a woman's IM address and a couple websites on a piece of paper in his wallet. He wants a party girl, someone he can go drinking with and take home and screw. Well, he can have it. Done with a capital D. He started drinking again and has blown through two cases of beer in a week. albeit a lesser amount of alcohol than what he did a month ago, he's still drinking a WHOLE lot...and it's apparently my fault he cheats, he drinks, etc. Because I want him to put as much emphasis on supporting our family and our future as I do. Niiice. I've been the primary breadwinner our entire marriage and he has had a succession of crappy part-time and dead-end jobs, all of which I heard about on a daily basis (I HATE THAT F-ing PLACE..blah blah blah). I've encouraged him to go back to school (maybe said something every 4 to 6 months, tops--wasn't nagging by a long shot) and make something of himself. He's the one that kept saying he was miserable and could have been a marine biologist or something like that. He's wasting his incredible intelligence, not me. He bitched and moaned about how he was going nowhere, so there you have it...I guess it was my fault that he quit school in ninth grade, as well. HE told me his life was a prison...So I'm going to offer him the key to his cell. He will not go and get help, he will not go on meds. He wants the kids and me to stay and be there to serve as an emotional punching bag, I guess. Not going to have it. I'm getting my ducks in a row and getting us the hell out of there. Oh, and I've had a long talk with my friend re: the kiss. He knows it was wrong, he was trying to make me feel better about myself. We have agreed never to be alone again so it doesn't happen again. I need his friendship right now with all this going on...can't let go of that part of him. He's been there forever and the thought of losing my husband AND my best friend is intolerable to me. His wife knows and we've talked and it's okay...we've told her we will never be alone again and she is surprisingly cool about it, as long as we stick to the "no alone" rule. He makes sure she is in the room when we talk on the phone and we don't e-mail anymore. I'm very lucky.
deux ex machina Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 ...His wife knows and we've talked and it's okay...we've told her we will never be alone again and she is surprisingly cool about it, as long as we stick to the "no alone" rule. He makes sure she is in the room when we talk on the phone and we don't e-mail anymore. I'm very lucky. I am pretty impressed with her. Yes, I'd say lucky is one way to put it. * Now is the time to get pragmatic. You are right, get your ducks in a row. Realistically, taking even those unforeseen things that can (and will) happen into account, how are you doing as far as getting out and staying out (financially, ect.)?
Author beanzmom Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 As I said before, I'm the breadwinner of the family. My paycheck pays nearly all the bills. My aunt-in-law lives with us and pays utilities. With a few cuts here and there, I should have absolutely NO problem making the bills and actually having some money left over at the end of the month. More than I do now. Because I won't have to pay for food, clothes, parking, gas, etc. for my husband, or food for the Aunt. The only problem will be daycare, which my Mom (who is in school) said she would help with by coming over in the mornings and heading to night school when I get home from work. I have some money squirreled away, so that's a cushion. Not much (couple hundred) but it's something. Again, I have no direct access to husband's paycheck anymore, so it's tough to slide $25 or $50 into my savings each pay. I'm just thoroughly disgusted. We haven't been (urm) intimate in six weeks. I know he's going elsewhere, the evidence is too mounting to believe he's not. I just wish I could find some hard evidence (hotel receipt, phone number, etc.) to make my case rock solid. He always has an excuse for why he goes on the Internet (mostly, my fault. exhaustion from working 10 hours per day, taking care of the house, running children to and from activities, keeping his school stuff in line, chores, grocery shopping, etc. etc. etc. isn't an excuse for not putting out. Oh, and there's that pesky alcohol thing...the smell makes me nauseous and he REEKS). Seriously. He thinks my duty is to give "it" to him whenever and wherever he wants. He quotes the bible (he's an athiest...go figure) and says that (according to God) it's my duty as a wife to take care of him. Yes, but what he conveniently forgets to quote is the rest of the passage that says that it should be done out of love and that the wife is to give to the husband as the husband is to give to the wife. it's a 50/50 proposition...if you don't give me the love, affection and respect I deserve I don't feel close, am exhausted and therefore don't feel "up to it". There have been sooooo many times that I have "put out" for him just to keep the peace in the house. More times than I can count. Afterward, I've felt dirty, used, disgusting. There is no cuddling, it's done and done. like a prostitute. Well, at least a prostitute gets paid at the end. :-)
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 . Oh, and there's that pesky alcohol thing...the smell makes me nauseous and he REEKS). Seriously. He thinks my duty is to give "it" to him whenever and wherever he wants. He quotes the bible (he's an athiest...go figure) and says that (according to God) it's my duty as a wife to take care of him. Yes, but what he conveniently forgets to quote is the rest of the passage that says that it should be done out of love and that the wife is to give to the husband as the husband is to give to the wife. OMG... I can't believe you married this guy! What a loser.
Author beanzmom Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 Yeah, I know. But he wasn't like this when we got married. He's done a complete 180. depressed, alcoholic, convinced he's owed a good living but won't do anything to get it, nasty temper, mean in front of the kids, etc. used to be fun, funny, considerate, nice. blames the whole transformation on me. amazing...
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