zuzupetalz Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 New to board, but confident in getting some food for thought. Today during lunch, I picked up a take-out order for my office and saw my friends' husband kissing another woman. He leaned over and kissed her pretty long. They were sharing a booth ...I only saw the back of her head. I do not recognize her...and he did not see me thank god. I stood behind this tall guy at the take-out counter and hunched over a little to hide from him. I left without my change. I love my girlfriend. I am so upset about this...DO I tell her and if so what do I say? Thanks alot. zzp. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Tell her. Tell her where. Let her decide what to do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Summerday Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Talk to him about it, and give him the option of telling her. Good luck, it's not fun getting involved in marital problems. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 I'm very thankful I haven't been in your position. Let's see... I think since it's a good friend of yours that you do have a duty to tell her. But this is very difficult information to handle -- both in delivering and receiving. Your goal in this is to serve your friend's best interests. Obviously you don't want her to be in the dark about her husband's probable infidelity when you have seen evidence of it with your own eyes. But you don't want to falsely accuse her husband of anything. And you don't want to humiliate your friend. There's also the possibility that she will not want to believe that her husband would cheat, and would turn on you for suggesting it (even if she knows at heart that it's true and that you mean well). So I think that if I were in your shoes I might bring this up with your friend by telling her you saw her husband in the restaurant the other day. Ask her who he was having lunch with, in a conversational way. Tell her that you tried to get his attention to say hello, but he didn't seem to hear you (and you were in a hurry, blah blah). Let her take it from there. If she presses you for details, tell her that you couldn't be sure but it kind of looked to you like he was kissing the woman. Tell her you were shocked and embarrassed and not entirely sure of what you saw, so you didn't approach him right then and there. If she doesn't press you for details, she might well mention it to her husband -- and that will put him on notice that his indiscretion has been observed. Maybe he'll get in touch with you to see what you saw and what you're going to do. It's hard to say what's going on. It's also hard to say how your friend will react to what you saw. I don't think that should stop you from speaking to your friend. I'm not advising that you withhold information from your friend. You know her, I don't. You know what she can take far better than I. But I think that you should be careful, just put some thought into how you broach this with her. Yikes. I'd hate to be in your shoes! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
CaterpillarGirl Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Talk to the husband. Tell him that you saw him kissing another woman. Tell him he has an obligation to discuss this with his wife. Don't make threats or speak in anger, but rationally state that if he is having problems in his marriage he should try and sort these out with your friend. Then back off. Hopefully he will realize the seriousness of his actions and speak with his wife. If you catch him again after this, approach his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
KickHer@ss Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 I would NOT tell his wife. I've been in this situation before and the only thing that came out of the missive was the loss of my best friend of 20 years (we'd been friends from Kinder Garten). Her husband cried and lied and said I was making stuff up, since we'd drifted away a little after their marriage (I was single at the time). It was QUITE true that I missed our closeness and our daily hangout routines after she got married, but I was certainly not out to to break up their marriage, so I wouldn't feel lonely and bored by myself. I'd hoped that she'd see sense after they divorced a couple of years later - AND he re-married his mistress, but she never did. She attributed the divorce to communication problems, and would never admit that his cheating @ss had anything to do with it. So I remained ex-best friend. Not to sound -ve or discouraging. Just sharing my experience and my $0.02. Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 I agree with KHA... This will splatter on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 Originally posted by Skittles This will splatter on you. YEP....just like a great big seagull flying over your head!! Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 I appreciate the imagery Arabess. Link to post Share on other sites
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