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I find it ignorant when people say "He or she can do better" just based on looks

AD1980

By AD1980
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AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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You always see this said when somebody thinks one person in a relationship is the "better looking" person..

 

Why could somebody do better just because they can possibly get somebody more physically attractive??

 

Does it make somebody a better catch auotmatically becasue they might be better looking then the person youre with? Do we put no value on personality or being a good person anymore??

 

It seems as if weve gotten so vain and sueprical in society that we put better looking people on a higher pedestal not just on looks but as human beings

Soul Bear Established Member

Soul Bear

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Both my wee brothers have said that about my ex and one girl I was seeing recently.

I find it really annoying. There is a flip side tho, where it makes me feel good too :lmao:

tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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Both my wee brothers have said that about my ex and one girl I was seeing recently.

I find it really annoying. There is a flip side tho, where it makes me feel good too :lmao:

 

Did they say it like the girls could do better, or you?

 

When someone tells me that I could do better, looks or otherwise, it offends me because it makes me think, "Oh, so you think I've got bad taste? Should I let you pick my boyfriends out for me?" I have said that to friends before and they would just shut up after. :laugh:

TheLoneSock Established Member

TheLoneSock

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If you think that's bad. Try having an ex tell you they can do better as you're breaking up haha. It sucks.

 

Luckily validation came to me a month later in the form of a sobbing phone call from a girl that, in fact, didn't find better.

dreamergrl Established Member

dreamergrl

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I'm going to get mauled ... but here it goes.

 

I think it partially has to do with the confidence that comes with 'good looks'. I'm not saying good looks make you confident, but let's be honest... it gives some people a boost. And lacking it makes some people insecure.

 

So confident people are more attractive then those who are not confident. How many people have we seen on LS that can't get a girl or guy because they are worried about the younger girls, or how short they or their fingers are.

 

Now I truly believe people with an average look can be just as good as a person with out standing looks, it really depends on the person's ability to be confident in who they are.

Soul Bear Established Member

Soul Bear

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Tigress- They told me I could do better. If they had said that to her, I would have shown them why I'm their big bro :p

 

Lonesock- Nice isn't it when the tables turn ;)

 

Dreamer- It's exactly that- Confidence is what reigns golden. Beautiful or not so.

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AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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I'm going to get mauled ... but here it goes.

 

I think it partially has to do with the confidence that comes with 'good looks'. I'm not saying good looks make you confident, but let's be honest... it gives some people a boost. And lacking it makes some people insecure.

 

So confident people are more attractive then those who are not confident. How many people have we seen on LS that can't get a girl or guy because they are worried about the younger girls, or how short they or their fingers are.

 

Now I truly believe people with an average look can be just as good as a person with out standing looks, it really depends on the person's ability to be confident in who they are.

 

But for that supposed inferior looking person to get that attractive women he or she must have had some confidence to get that person no?

 

I just think we put way too much emhpaiss on looks and some sort of imaginary chart that a person looks fall under and that people should be with people on "their level"

shadowplay Established Member

shadowplay

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I agree completely. I hate it when people say that about anybody.

dreamergrl Established Member

dreamergrl

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But for that supposed inferior looking person to get that attractive women he or she must have had some confidence to get that person no?

 

I just think we put way too much emhpaiss on looks and some sort of imaginary chart that a person looks fall under and that people should be with people on "their level"

 

I don't think it's just looks alone though. People's insecurities shine through. People's lack of confidence can be seen. It's more about the person and how they perceive themselves then what the standard idea of good looking is.

 

If someone is crying about not being able to get this or that person - they should look at themselves and start seeing the good and not just the bad.

 

Everyone has faults - inside and out. Some can be corrected, others just have to be accepted.

clv0116 Established Member

clv0116

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Guys in particular grade women on appearance. You see a desirable guy dating a hog, the thought just comes to mind that he could (or could have) done better.

BCCA Established Member

BCCA

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Well, like it or not, looks are important. DG makes a great point, that confidence is also huge, but a combination of the two is deadly.

 

And people say stuff to people to make them feel better, 'you can do better' included. Weve all said that here to someone, and we have no idea if they can actually do better.

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AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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Well, like it or not, looks are important. DG makes a great point, that confidence is also huge, but a combination of the two is deadly.

 

.

 

Thats not my point of course looks are important the point is if he or she is happy witth that person why should it matter??

 

Just because he or she may be able to get somoene "better looking" does that mean its automatically a betetr person or option??

 

We almost seem to put peoples value as a human beings on their looks..

Soul Bear Established Member

Soul Bear

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That's the difference between humans and monkeys

Phateless Established Member

Phateless

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Like it or not, the society we all live in does have attractiveness classism. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just saying that it is.

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I don't think when simply looking at someone, you can necessarily tell if they're confident. For some, yes, it "shines through," but for most people, it doesn't. THIS is why saying "he or she can do better" based only on appearances is asinine.

dreamergrl Established Member

dreamergrl

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Thats not my point of course looks are important the point is if he or she is happy witth that person why should it matter??

 

Just because he or she may be able to get somoene "better looking" does that mean its automatically a betetr person or option??

 

We almost seem to put peoples value as a human beings on their looks..

 

But it really depends. I mean there are some people who would be more attractive if they took better care of themselves. It's not so black and white.

 

And no, just because someone is better looking, it doesn't make them a better person, but with those better looks comes extra confidence at times, and when you have that confidence you're other good qualities come out more.

 

When you lack confidence, you're less likely to show you're good qualities - especially if you get to focused on everything that is wrong with you.

tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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Thats not my point of course looks are important the point is if he or she is happy witth that person why should it matter??

 

Just because he or she may be able to get somoene "better looking" does that mean its automatically a betetr person or option??

 

It doesn't matter at all if the person being told they can do better is happy with their partner. Sure, it's offensive, but in the end as long as the person in question is happy, then they won't be influenced by negative opinion.

TheLoneSock Established Member

TheLoneSock

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Like it or not, the society we all live in does have attractiveness classism. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just saying that it is.

 

What is attractiveness classism? Never heard of it before, so it's a new term to me.

Toe Jam Member

Toe Jam

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You always see this said when somebody thinks one person in a relationship is the "better looking" person..

 

Why could somebody do better just because they can possibly get somebody more physically attractive??

 

Does it make somebody a better catch auotmatically becasue they might be better looking then the person youre with? Do we put no value on personality or being a good person anymore??

 

It seems as if weve gotten so vain and sueprical in society that we put better looking people on a higher pedestal not just on looks but as human beings

i think it has more to do with the fact that we're used to seeing couples who are fairly equally matched up in the looks department. when we see a couple that is mis-matched (looks, weight, income, education, height, race) then our antenna goes up and we wonder why they are together.

tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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i think it has more to do with the fact that we're used to seeing couples who are fairly equally matched up in the looks department. when we see a couple that is mis-matched (looks, weight, income, education, height, race) then our antenna goes up and we wonder why they are together.

 

This is true. Physical impressions are everything at first. It's only after getting to know two people who are in what could be described as an "unconventional" couple that we can know other reasons why they're together. You can't be clued into someone's personality just by looking at them.

dreamergrl Established Member

dreamergrl

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I also don't think confidence can be faked - to a point.. I think when a person says they fake being confident they are just being modest. You're pulling it from some where.

 

Now if a person brags about how confident they are - then that leads me to think they really aren't. A person who believes in themselves doesn't need to shout it to the world. That's just trying to convince yourself. It's one thing to say you are confident one or two times, but those who make it a point to repeat it over and over and over again - IMO - aren't that confident. Just like those who feel the need to brag about how helpful they are or nice or whatever. When it is said 5 or 6 times - it's just their way of pretending.

 

There is also a fine line from being confident to being self centered. I think when one brags about how great they are or this or that (like above) it could also mean they are just full of it and themselves.

harmfulsweetz Established Member

harmfulsweetz

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I think it depends on the circumstances in which it was said. Me and my friends knew a girl who was dating an absolute hottie, he was lovely too, and well she was ok lookswise, and not so ok personality wise (she ended up cheating on him 5 times proofs in the pudding) and everyone that saw them together said the same thing 'he can do better.' i.e he's good looking, is lovely, generous etc, and her, she's a skank.

 

I've been told numerous occaisions I can do better than all of my exes, and they were trying to boost my confidence up, to help me get rid of the guy whom I needed to get rid of. It's not such a bad thing to say.

 

It is bad however, to say it based on looks and looks alone. But then its a confidence thing, if someone looks confident, walks confident, you feel like they look better than someone who walks with their eyes to the ground, slouched.

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AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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I think it depends on the circumstances in which it was said. Me and my friends knew a girl who was dating an absolute hottie, he was lovely too, and well she was ok lookswise, and not so ok personality wise (she ended up cheating on him 5 times proofs in the pudding) and everyone that saw them together said the same thing 'he can do better.' i.e he's good looking, is lovely, generous etc, and her, she's a skank.

 

I've been told numerous occaisions I can do better than all of my exes, and they were trying to boost my confidence up, to help me get rid of the guy whom I needed to get rid of. It's not such a bad thing to say.

 

It is bad however, to say it based on looks and looks alone. But then its a confidence thing, if someone looks confident, walks confident, you feel like they look better than someone who walks with their eyes to the ground, slouched.

 

I agree i just think when two people are in a seemingly happy realationship and people still comment that the person can do better then it is ignorant because youre assuming a partner is simply better based on looks..

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

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I find it even more amusing when the LSers commenting ... saying for example.. you're not that hot.. etc... are not even close of being as good looking as the poster asking for comments.. :eek:

Phateless Established Member

Phateless

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What is attractiveness classism? Never heard of it before, so it's a new term to me.

 

Classism is discrimination against somebody based on economic standing or their rung on the social ladder. Blue collar/white collar, for example. An attorney feeling superior to a cashier.

 

Attractiveness classism would be discrimination based on a person's level of attractiveness. Someone who is very hott will be treated much differently than someone very plain, and it's not likely that someone very attractive will date someone very plain. Just like an attorney might not date a cashier. OBVIOUSLY, it does happen, but we're speaking in generalities here.

 

I think attractiveness classism does exist in our society. Again, not saying it's right or wrong, just saying that it is.

 

Personally, I have to be attracted to someone in order to date them, but beyond that I don't care if they're a 6 or a 10.

 

Make sense? What do you guys think?

Edited by Phateless
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