SadGirlUK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 A quick run down about my situation: I'm 20 years old and female living in the UK. My boyfriend is my age, he's my very first boyfriend and we are both studying law in uni (same class too, this is how we met). For a number of years before meeting him I have suffered with depression and self esteem issues. I was able to cope with it but since I have started a relationship (of 6 months, he's my very first boyfriend), my problems have gotten a hundred times worse, to the point where everyday I just wish I didn't exist. Being in a relationship has brought out traits in me I didn't even know I had. I've become increasingly jealous, to the point where it's starting to control my life. If he looks in the direction of another attractive woman, I get pangs of jealousy and sadness. It could effect my mood for the whole day and make me feel worthless and ugly. Paranoia is another issue related to my jealousy. When he goes out with his friends, I sit at home and think up all these scenarios in my head about random gorgeous women turning him on, dancing all over him, touching him... I imagine him thinking how much he wishes he was with them, how much he wants them and how turned on he's getting by them. I also imagine his friends dragging him to a strip club one night. It's never happened so far but I'm so scared of this thought coming true. And now, something else has started to torment me... In class, there is an absolutely beautiful student our age. She's Russian and joined this year, ever since she joined I have felt sick to the stomach every single day. She's beautiful, shocking big blue eyes, long legs, long flowing hair, the perfect figure, tanned... Just beautiful. She's also overly intelligent and passes everything with high marks. Even being in the same room as her makes me want to just give up and run away. I sit there with my boyfriend and wonder if he's looking at her, what he's thinking about her, wondering if he thinks about her when he's intimate with me... He hasn't done anything to make me feel like this, he hasn't cheated or flirted with anyone in front of me. It's me and my fears. I've only been with him 6 months and those six months have been the most miserable months of my life, I sleep all through the evenings just to stop myself thinking. I don't know what to do. I love him but being with him is making my life a living hell.
Bejita463 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 He is with you, not these other women. He has made his choice. I have had a girlfriend that was paranoid in a similar manner as you describe, and it ended up being what ended the relationship. Whenever you find yourself worrying about these women, remember who he chose. If you let yourself forget it and stir yourself up needlessly, you will end up pushing him away.
stace79 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I think that since you were depressed even before being with him that you should see a counselor. If you are truly wanting to get better, then sometimes a counselor can help you see different aspects of yourself that give you new perspectives and new ways to combat your negative thinking. It's also possible you could try medication, if you were willing. Yes, your thinking is irrational, but it could be something deeper with you that counseling could help resolve. Have you tried talking with your boyfriend, in a non-accusatory way, to just tell him what you're going through? Make sure you say what you told us -- that he has done nothing to break your trust and that it's totally a you thing. But maybe he could help you, too. Especially if you are sleeping a lot, that is a real sign of clinical depression. I hope you can get some help and find some peace. That is definitely an awful way to live.
Jada Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 What your thinking isn't healthy and what the previous poster said I agree with you need to go for counseling. It seems to me that you might have self worth issues that are being reflected in your jealousy. I have had jealousy before but it never stayed that long and it was an instant emotion rather than a long drawn out one. Try finding forums that deal specifically with the topics you have, sooner or later you'll find a person who has had either a close experience or the same experience as you. And it's good when they've come out the other side and can give you the advice that you need. Sooner or later your jealousy is going to break up the relationship, as for the depression I know how that feels as I've been through that as well. With depression try and find out what is making you depress then work around what's going to lift it, depression is hard, it's bad enough trying to face another day when you have it. Taking medication might help you to alleviate it. There's a depression forum you'll find it if you google it, I don't think you can posts links here so I can't give it to you. Just google depression forum that's how I found it, lots of support there and people who are in the same boat.
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