nyc25 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) To make this short my ex both 24 cheated on me with a married man twice her age with 2 kids. We dated for 3 years. She said she made a huge mistake and she wasnt thinking clearly and that shes stopped seeing him after. She's lost the respect of alot of our mutual friends. She claimed she was going through a phase of depression and her life sucked and somehow this man came along and "made her feel special". Fast forward to currently. After a month or so of chatting every now and then i decided its enough of this stringing me along. I asked her if she would want to work it out again and she said she doesn't think it'll work. I have reason to believe shes still seeing him. I have been in no contact with her for half a month. Shes tried to message me online a few times for random small talk but i never respond. Next week were suppose to go to a concert back in our college that we planned 3 months ago. She paid alot of money for those tickets. She asked me if i was still going because obviously she wants a ride. Shes never called me asking how i am, just random small talk all the time. I don't know what should i do? Be a jerk and ignore her or take her there and maybe it'll change her mind about our relationship? Thanks Edited October 12, 2009 by nyc25
ecm Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) It depends: -have you made it clear that you still want her, other than asking if she wants to work it out? -how badly do you want to see the concert? If you don't really care, I'd say skip it. -Can you find out if she is still with him? If she is and you go, you'll be sad and mad you went. If she isn't, it could be good... IF YOU PLAY IT RIGHT. (cheating is obviously not nice, but depending on th esituation..she MIGHT deserve a second chance...but NEVER a third) -she is/ was with a married man? That's something to think about. Do you want to be with someone who obviously doens't respect people's commitments? -does she have the actual tickets? Can you just ask for your ticket and make her get her own ride? Edited October 12, 2009 by ecm
Author nyc25 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 It depends: -have you made it clear that you still want her, other than asking if she wants to work it out? I haven't specifically said that i want to be with you in fearing of looking desperate but i've told her few times i want to try again -how badly do you want to see the concert? If you don't really care, I'd say skip it. The show we both love the band and we planned long time ago to see it. but besides the show i was going to go up anyways to see some old friends that we both know -Can you find out if she is still with him? If she is and you go, you'll be sad and mad you went. If she isn't, it could be good... IF YOU PLAY IT RIGHT. (cheating is obviously not nice, but depending on th esituation..she MIGHT deserve a second chance...but NEVER a third) well a few weeks ago when i met with her i found out she was still emailing him and suggesting places to go have fun. Can you elaborate little bit more on what you mean by playing it right. Like what kind of things can i do. She obviously knows there no future with this man and shes told me but she might be emotionally attached with him whos manipulating her. -she is/ was with a married man? That's something to think about. Do you want to be with someone who obviously doens't respect people's commitments? i think they might be just seeing each other on and off certain days but i'm really not sure since i havent contacted her in a while. he supposedly buys her things and takes her out to dinner. She tells everyone else that shes not seeing him anymore though -does she have the actual tickets? Can you just ask for your ticket and make her get her own ride? yes she paid for it all and i didnt pay anything. she was going to just let me go for free back then. i was planning on just buying one myself and going by myself before she asked.
MrFun Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 To make this short my ex both 24 cheated on me with... What a quality woman. Wow. She said she made a huge mistake...She's lost the respect of alot of our mutual friends. Haha. So it's your friends' fault that she did what she did? She claimed she was going through a phase of depression and her life sucked and somehow this man came along and "made her feel special". Oh, it was higher authority??? It was depression! Well, according to your post, you sound depressed. I asked her if she would want to work it out again and she said she doesn't think it'll work. Are you codependent? I have reason to believe shes still seeing him. Why do you even think in those terms? Let her see him. If she thought you were so great, she'd be beating down your door, sending you SMS's all day long or trying to contact your friends to bridge over to you. Shes tried to message me online a few times for random small talk but i never respond. Good start. Shes never called me asking how i am, just random small talk all the time. Because she does not care. She feels guilty for doing the dirty on you. Tell hear you forgive her for all her sins and tell her that it's normal and that you two tried and it just didn't work out. And that she's so special to you, and that you understand her point of you. And let her go. Buy a punching bag, hit on that a few thousand times and leave it at that. Let her think whatever, you deserve better. I don't know what should i do? Be a jerk and ignore her or take her there and maybe it'll change her mind about our relationship? Thanks Relationship? If your buddy stole 1000 bucks and ruined your trust, would you call that a relationship? Hell no. This ain't a relationship, this is you feeling destroyed because she cheated on you. Forget this chick, she's low value. Let karma sort it out and go lick your wounds and find someone else!
Author nyc25 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Thanks Mr.Fun for the tough love. You are right about everything. I'm not even gonna bother responding to her or telling her i forgave as i've already told her before i've accepted it. I'm just going to keep on with no contact as i've been doing and feeling alot better. It shouldnt be a concern of what she needs anymore
MrFun Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Thanks Mr.Fun for the tough love. You are right about everything. I'm not even gonna bother responding to her or telling her i forgave as i've already told her before i've accepted it. I'm just going to keep on with no contact as i've been doing and feeling alot better. It shouldnt be a concern of what she needs anymore It is not tough love. It's about finding a person on your level. You value yourself. Someone of the same value will be a worthy partner. Just imagine how quickly you'll move ahead in the right direction once you find a partner. This one just sucks the energy out of you. Remember: value yourself. Find someone of value, and exponentially create more value for the good of both of you
boogieboy Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 She contacts you to see if you will validate her self esteem by answering her. So keep ignoring her, youre doing good. She is a jerk, so it doesnt matter how you look in her eyes. Screw her.
trueblue72ny Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 My two cents, forget her and just move on. forget concerts, the small talk, or anything else. Just move on. you cant trust her even if you got back with her at this point since she cheated on you. she’ll do it again. It will always be in the back of your mind. You don’t have to be a jerk about it. just tell her, look, I don’t hate you, im not mad, im just good with the way things are. And then do your best to let it go. There is nothing there for you with her. she said it herself. She doesn’t think it will work. There is a huge red flag. If people are thinking about being with someone they will not tell you no. She never just calls you to see how you are. Another red flag. Even if you went with her to the concert that isnt going to change anything. I say take another friend to the concert. Sorry , don’t mean to burst your bubble, but the writing is on the wall. You are not going to be happy with this woman. you want someone who respects you.
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