TheLoneSock Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 It's obvious now but why would you continuously say things he does (we haven't been intimate) and then whenever I try to blow him off he gets upset and tells me how much he likes me. Sounds like a lead-on to me. I don't know where I could meet people; work is a no-no, church, not so sure, bars, heck no. I've done the waiting thing, I've done the "let it just come to you" thing. It's a no win situation. It's all about the chase. And he's not very fast, if you know what I mean. Chances are he's not looking to get serious with anyone at all, not just you.
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) Yeah, this is what some people--guys and girls--do. As soon as someone treats them indifferently/gives them signs that they're losing interest because of how they're being treated, they immediately start with all that "Oh I like you so much and I'm so sorry I've just been so busy all the time let me make it up to you beautiful" B.S. It's just their way of keeping you and possibly several others on a string so that they'll have at least one around at all times. So you're saying when someone sees they are loosing the attraction of another, they try to make up for it? That sounds self defeating. There's nothing wrong with someone dating around, especially if they are in a dating environment. Edited October 12, 2009 by You'reasian
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 And I have called him out on that very thing, since he said he was looking for more than just a friend. ie, a serious relationship. So, dating segueing into a relationship was what he was claiming to look for, but his actions spoke otherwise. I don't care if he dates around, but he makes it seem like I'm the only one he's seeing and he just wants me. I don't want to bother figuring it out anymore.
tigressA Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 So you're saying when someone sees they are loosing the attraction of another, they try to make up for it? That sounds self defeating. There's nothing wrong with someone dating around, especially if they are in a dating environment. True, but this guy was saying things like "I want to be with you, I think you're an extraordinary woman!" and then going AWOL whenever they made plans. That's very manipulative, and total BS. Whatever he wants, whatever she wants, she shouldn't have to put up with that behavior, and he should grow up and learn how to communicate so that he doesn't get a reputation as a complete a**hat.
Bullydog1982 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Someone on this board said it best. "Actions speak louder than words." Watch what they're doing versus what they're saying and in that you will have your answer. Cheers!
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Thanks, that's been the confusing part. I was starting to feel that it was all about him and what he wants and now I'm just not interested. It really bugs me that he went to all the "effort" at first and then when I reciprocated he does this. I started feeling like the chaser here and I need to save face. This is, once again, bogus, man. I can't tell him how to communicate.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Someone on this board said it best. "Actions speak louder than words." Watch what they're doing versus what they're saying and in that you will have your answer. Cheers! You're absolutely right. That's what I have told him when I would blow him off. He then would say that he "is pursuing me." but he isn't really.
Bullydog1982 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 You're absolutely right. That's what I have told him when I would blow him off. He then would say that he "is pursuing me." but he isn't really. Nope, doesn't sound like it it me and that's what most everyone on this thread seems to think too. If he was really pursuing you, maybe he should pursue his butt up to see you in person instead of giving you the run around and saying he is. You see this so no worries. On an off subject, what social site did you meet him on? Just curious because I'm always looking for new ways to meet people and clubs to branch out and the only one I've found so far is meetup.com.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Well, it was f.book. I don't know if that's really a social networking avenue per se. I agree with what you said by the way.
Bullydog1982 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Oh, okay. Never thought of using Facebook as a means to meet people other then keeping in touch with people I already know. Cool beans!
dreamergrl Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Given that you can't look up people by age, race, gender, ect ect (like on MySpace) I'm not sure how you could use facebook as a way to meet people, and I'd be a little weary of someone who was. The only people on my facebook are those I know.
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 True, but this guy was saying things like "I want to be with you, I think you're an extraordinary woman!" and then going AWOL whenever they made plans. That's very manipulative, and total BS. Whatever he wants, whatever she wants, she shouldn't have to put up with that behavior, and he should grow up and learn how to communicate so that he doesn't get a reputation as a complete a**hat. Good point. Q for the OP: Who said I love you first?
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Neither of us ever said it, we knew each other for just a month or so. He initiated al of the super complimenting and such. I started warming up to everything and letting my guard down somewhat. After this happened was when I started noticing a change.
BCCA Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 True, but this guy was saying things like "I want to be with you, I think you're an extraordinary woman!" and then going AWOL whenever they made plans. That's very manipulative, and total BS. Granted, he obviously made some statements that were less than true, but thats something that should fool you once, maybe twice at the most. This is a pattern, and at some point, you have to smell the BS yourself. she shouldn't have to put up with that behavior, and he should grow up and learn how to communicate so that he doesn't get a reputation as a complete a**hat. I get your point, but lets be realistic, its our responsibility to ensure we are treated well. Its not everyone else's job to make sure they communicate with us adequately, or treat us well. Sure, it would be nice, but like I said - its not realistic. I can't tell him how to communicate. And its not your place to. If what hes doing doesnt work for you, bye! Q for the OP: Who said I love you first? Does that even matter? I just get the feeling that this guy isnt as interested as he has previously claimed to be, so why waste any more time deciphering his moves?
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Neither of us ever said it, we knew each other for just a month or so. He initiated al of the super complimenting and such. I started warming up to everything and letting my guard down somewhat. After this happened was when I started noticing a change. It sounds like the two of you were just dating. You haven't been intimate either - while there might have been a spark, it was more or less a nice experience. Sucks that it got rocky, but if its not going to work - enjoy it for what it was and move on.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 We totally just were. When I said it wasn't working for me he said that he would "Step up" and such. But nothing ever changed. No he obviously isn't as interested for no apparent reason. In an ideal world honesty whilst communicating would be good. But as a previous poster said, his communication style wasn't working for me, so adios. I simply had suggested to him what I would like and he was always telling me how much he liked me and how he would step up and he didn't. Oh dating is fun.
You'reasian Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 It's all about the chase. And he's not very fast, if you know what I mean. Chances are he's not looking to get serious with anyone at all, not just you. I'm not one for the chase. If one person shows too much interest and the other is gaming or not responding, its a waste of time for both. The person doing the chasing should check themselves for doing too much for too little. The person being chased is either not interested enough or is driven to manipulation - a bad sign for any real relationship. Some people need the chase though. I'm not one of 'em. In my humble opinion, two people should come together naturally - even if there's a slight difference in motivation.
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