loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Ok, about a month ago I met this guy off of a social networking site. We hung out one time, I drove to his town about an hour away because he didn't have a car at the time (he got one soon thereafter) and we had a wonderful time. I saw him again a week later, I met him halfway between our towns for lunch. Let me tell you what happened between visits: 1. The reason we met between our towns is because he had been on the way to see me the night before and had fallen asleep in his car on the way to me. (He worked late, and my place is an hour or so away). I said, okay, things happen. 2. Then, we were supposed to meet the following Tuesday, rather he was supposed to come up to my place and he doesn't call or anything. I make dinner, he had texted me to say he was on his way. Hours pass and I start to worry. He calls me a few hours later and says that he had been in a fender bender on the way to me and had messed up his shoulder and couldn't see me. By this point I'm sceptical. I hated feeling that way but it seemed weird everytime he was coming to see me something seemed to have happened. I believe in giving the benefit of the doubt but this is ridiculous. Other behavior that sucks: He just texts, doesn't call, really. I said it would be nice to hear his voice and he said, "I will call you more." But then he doesn't. I asked when we might hang out next and he says, "I don't know." By this point I said to him, "Well it seems you're very busy and don't have time to give to hanging out." He says, "No, I want to be with you." To which I tell him, well you're not acting like it, actions speak louder than words. A few days have passed and its still the same thing, he doesn't call when he says he will, I try to cut him off because it irritates me he can't call for five seconds and/or make plans, and then he tells me he wants me. He finally called me yesterday, irritated with me, because he says, "What do I have to do to have you believe I want to be with you. I think you're an extraordinary woman!" and so on and so forth. Then he had to go, says, "I'll call you back," and doesn't. He texts me later to say he was going to the movies and says he'll call me afterwards. And he doesn't. I know he's just not that into me. What do you think he's doing that for. I think he's doing it because I've tolerated it. I need to cut him loose but I just don't understand the behavior. Bullsh**!
Double Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 It doesn't really matter, since you're not getting what you want from him; you've made it clear to him what you DO want, and he still has failed to deliver. The why doesn't matter. The result does matter.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 You're right, the result DOES matter. I don't think I need to have told him at all really and I have a few times. I don't think he has the same values because if he did then he would follow through. He already texted me this morning but I ignored it because I'm beyond irritated.
Double Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 You're right, the result DOES matter. I don't think I need to have told him at all really and I have a few times. I don't think he has the same values because if he did then he would follow through. He already texted me this morning but I ignored it because I'm beyond irritated. You're obviously unhappy and he obviously won't be changing his behavior, so it's probably best for you to just move on.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 You're right. But as a silly woman sometimes, I thought, well maybe I asked for too much, but really, if was into me as he said he was he would follow through.
boogieboy Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Hes acting like that because he is working on another woman, and you are the backup.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I kind of have my suspicions. Keeping me "interested" in case it doesn't work out with someone else. We are not committed by any means but I don't generally date around as a rule of thumb. I don't have time for b.s.
Alan430 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Hes acting like that because he is working on another woman, and you are the backup. This may or may not be true, but definatly not a fact! I have dated and tend to text more then i call, simply because texting doesnt dominate what your doing at the time. I also personaly prefer to have conversations in person vs. the phone. If you talk so much on the phone theres doesnt leave alot of conversation for when you see each other. I would chaulk it up as what he claims but i would definatly not sit at home waiting for him to show up. I would no longer initiate plans to met and if he does tell him you will be there till 7:00 and if he doesnt show up by then than you have made backup plans and that you will leave to do them at exactly 7 or whatever.
Lindarose84 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Hes acting like that because he is working on another woman, and you are the backup. Bingo. If a guy is really interested in pursuing something, he will make the time and put forth the effort. When he says he will call, he calls. He doesn't come up with bogus excuses everytime you have to meet up. I think he's stringing you along in the event that things don't work out with the other chick. Don't continue to tolerate this. He's going to continue with this behavior if you continue to allow him to.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I would agree with you except for the fact that he will not initiate plans with me at all. I have been more than understanding especially since he has had "something come up" more than once since I've met him. I do not want to be the chaser and I don't want to play games but he has told me he would call me more than once and does not keep his word. It's beyond irritating. When I had asked him before when he thought he might be able to hang out he replied, "I don't know." I mean, seriously? No inkling at all? This is a guy who says he is ready for a relationship and is complimenting me left and right but there are no follow through actions AT ALL.
Kamille Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 who cares if he's into you or not? It's way too early for you to put your self-esteem on the line for this guy. You should be doing exactly what you're doing: evaluating whether or not you're into him. Judging by your post, I'd say: you're not that into him. Or at least, you're really not into his communication style. So the answer is easy: next.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 You know what? I shouldn't be putting myself on the line, you're right. It's hard though when you haven't had the best run around with men and you want to be sure you're not just being defensive or not. I'm not that into him, anymore (although I was initially) because flakes really piss me off.
tigressA Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 You know what? I shouldn't be putting myself on the line, you're right. It's hard though when you haven't had the best run around with men and you want to be sure you're not just being defensive or not. I'm not that into him, anymore (although I was initially) because flakes really piss me off. They piss me off, too. That's why I stopped bothering with this guy I had met weeks ago who would always text--never call--make last-minute plans and then go completely AWOL for days. This guy isn't worth any of your time. As Kamille said, "Next!"
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I don't get why people do that. I've just had enough. The straw that broke the camel's back was when he said he would call last night after going to the movies and didn't bother. So when he texted, "Good morning beautiful" this morning I ignored it. I guess if I don't want to be second best then I don't tolerate that behavior. It's bullsh**.
BCCA Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Remember, we teach people how to treat us. He has been doing the same crap with not calling when he says he will, flaking on dates, etc since you met him, but you seem to have hoped it would change. People are who they are. Next time, once you see what someone is about, dont waste time on them if theyre flakey.
tigressA Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Have you deleted his number? If you haven't already, you definitely should. Doing that has helped me deal tremendously well with the temptation to contact guys I knew deep down were no good for me.
boogieboy Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I don't get why people do that. I've just had enough. The straw that broke the camel's back was when he said he would call last night after going to the movies and didn't bother. So when he texted, "Good morning beautiful" this morning I ignored it. I guess if I don't want to be second best then I don't tolerate that behavior. It's bullsh**. Yeah see if you tolerate the behavior, he'll know he can keep doing it, but of course you dont want to come off as needy right from the beginning, so its a double edged sword. But the problem is he has to lie to keep you where he wants you. "hey look, I'm not that into you, I prolly wont call when I say I will, and I might not show up while youre waiting either, because I'm prusuing somone I think is a better fit for me....but will you hang on while I see if the other woman works out first?" If he said this, you'd be gone in two seconds. but thats what his actions say.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I have seemed to hope it would change but you're right, people are who they are. He swears he will call, etc. But he's 30 years old and I ain't his mama so I don't think I should have to tell him, you know? I figure if I don't tolerate the behavior then I won't put myself out there for people like him. At first I was giving him the benefit of the doubt but now I'm done. And yes I have deleted his number but he's still in my text messages list which has to filter out before it can be gone completely. Thank you.
TheLoneSock Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Ok, about a month ago I met this guy off of a social networking site. We hung out one time, I drove to his town about an hour away because he didn't have a car at the time (he got one soon thereafter) and we had a wonderful time. I saw him again a week later, I met him halfway between our towns for lunch. Let me tell you what happened between visits: 1. The reason we met between our towns is because he had been on the way to see me the night before and had fallen asleep in his car on the way to me. (He worked late, and my place is an hour or so away). I said, okay, things happen. 2. Then, we were supposed to meet the following Tuesday, rather he was supposed to come up to my place and he doesn't call or anything. I make dinner, he had texted me to say he was on his way. Hours pass and I start to worry. He calls me a few hours later and says that he had been in a fender bender on the way to me and had messed up his shoulder and couldn't see me. By this point I'm sceptical. I hated feeling that way but it seemed weird everytime he was coming to see me something seemed to have happened. I believe in giving the benefit of the doubt but this is ridiculous. Other behavior that sucks: He just texts, doesn't call, really. I said it would be nice to hear his voice and he said, "I will call you more." But then he doesn't. I asked when we might hang out next and he says, "I don't know." By this point I said to him, "Well it seems you're very busy and don't have time to give to hanging out." He says, "No, I want to be with you." To which I tell him, well you're not acting like it, actions speak louder than words. A few days have passed and its still the same thing, he doesn't call when he says he will, I try to cut him off because it irritates me he can't call for five seconds and/or make plans, and then he tells me he wants me. He finally called me yesterday, irritated with me, because he says, "What do I have to do to have you believe I want to be with you. I think you're an extraordinary woman!" and so on and so forth. Then he had to go, says, "I'll call you back," and doesn't. He texts me later to say he was going to the movies and says he'll call me afterwards. And he doesn't. I know he's just not that into me. What do you think he's doing that for. I think he's doing it because I've tolerated it. I need to cut him loose but I just don't understand the behavior. Bullsh**! It sounds like an effort issue. The excuses for not making it to your place, the texting instead of talking, not wanting to drive an hour, ect. You were good to call it like you see it, I wouldn't persue anything further with him. I know if you had dinner waiting for me I'd be in my truck and on my way in a second haha. Some guys need to have their hand held through a relationship/dating, just find a guy that wants to pursue you. They're out there.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I can't date a boy. I would like to date a man. I would figure that if he was that contrite that he would be dying to make plans with me. He did call me yesterday but that was only after I tried to blow him off and say that we should just chill and be friends. He went into detail about how much he liked me and how his schedule was so busy, etc. Then he said he would call me back later, and later came and went. I just have had enough. Next, please.
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I can't date a boy. I would like to date a man. I would figure that if he was that contrite that he would be dying to make plans with me. He did call me yesterday but that was only after I tried to blow him off and say that we should just chill and be friends. He went into detail about how much he liked me and how his schedule was so busy, etc. Then he said he would call me back later, and later came and went. I just have had enough. Next, please. It sounds like he isn't into you. I never use dating or social network sites to meet new people.
tigressA Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I can't date a boy. I would like to date a man. I would figure that if he was that contrite that he would be dying to make plans with me. He did call me yesterday but that was only after I tried to blow him off and say that we should just chill and be friends. He went into detail about how much he liked me and how his schedule was so busy, etc. Then he said he would call me back later, and later came and went. I just have had enough. Next, please. Yeah, this is what some people--guys and girls--do. As soon as someone treats them indifferently/gives them signs that they're losing interest because of how they're being treated, they immediately start with all that "Oh I like you so much and I'm so sorry I've just been so busy all the time let me make it up to you beautiful" B.S. It's just their way of keeping you and possibly several others on a string so that they'll have at least one around at all times.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 It's obvious now but why would you continuously say things he does (we haven't been intimate) and then whenever I try to blow him off he gets upset and tells me how much he likes me. Sounds like a lead-on to me. I don't know where I could meet people; work is a no-no, church, not so sure, bars, heck no. I've done the waiting thing, I've done the "let it just come to you" thing. It's a no win situation.
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