WTFO Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Stbxw B-day is coming up. It's been 6 months since the separation. We are on decent terms. We even hugged once for the kids sake and she told me she missed me.(really fd with my head) but I think she was sincere. My question is, Should I get her a very generic card for her b day? Oh she stilll has her new BF,but im torned what to do. Any thoughts?
confused71 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 If shes still with OM then dont send a thing.I am saying this from my own experience. When It was my ex's b-day I took around a card to find out she was out with OM at the time.I regretted it badly and didnt even get a thank you. Dont do it mate.
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 No b-day card for stbxw. And tell her not to hug you or tell you she misses you unless she wants to accompany that with talks of a reconciliation.
floridapad Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Giving her a card in this situation, should be an act of unconditional friendship and not expect anything in return. If you view it this way and don't get all mushy on her then I would, UNLESS, the BF was the cause of the seperation, in which case she is on her own. Give her nothing. With friends like that who needs enemies. I've got the same issue with my STBX coming up in a few weeks. I have resolved to give her the card. But... She is not with OM and I am dating other women. She sees that I am moving on and the card would merely be an act of unconditional friendship with the mother of my children and not an attempt at full reconciliation. One other thing. If you think she would even remotely view the card as an attempt at getting her back. DON'T DO IT.
Author WTFO Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Giving her a card in this situation, should be an act of unconditional friendship and not expect anything in return. If you view it this way and don't get all mushy on her then I would, UNLESS, the BF was the cause of the seperation, in which case she is on her own. Nah, I don't expect anything in return. Just trying to be the bigger person. The BF, so she says was not the cause for the separation. The "i'm not happy" stuff started in 07' She had this guy in mind IMHO about a week after she made that announcement to me. Who knows for sure though,you know?
lupa Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 No on the birthday card. She doesn't understand long term commitment and dedication, so you shouldn't waste any energy on her at all. None. Be cordial, that's it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Dont give her crap. If she sees you give her a lil head nod and say happy birthday and look apathetic to it. And keep it moving why are you even thinking of involving yourself in her life. Her BF is responsible for her happiness you dont need to add any aspect from that. Dont be letting her cake eat. Find something else to preclude your time that day. Like getting the drawers of someone way better looking. To you it should be just another day.
seibert253 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 No way, she's still with her BF, SHE GETS NOTHING. By the way, she's stinging you along, but still has her BF, you've been seperated for 6 months, have you filed for D? Sooner the better.
2sure Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 No. No card from you. BUT: this is your kids mom, and they probably would like to make/get her a card/gift. Thats still your job - to give them the opportunity to do this if they otherwise wouldn't. I know its a pain.
alphamale Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Stbxw B-day is coming up. It's been 6 months since the separation. We are on decent terms. We even hugged once for the kids sake and she told me she missed me.(really fd with my head) but I think she was sincere. My question is, Should I get her a very generic card for her b day? Oh she stilll has her new BF,but im torned what to do. Any thoughts? the reasons she's leaving you and has a new BF is because you're too nice. so basically, no, you don't send a card or anything else cause then you would be rewarding her for treating you like crap
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 ...The "i'm not happy" stuff started in 07' She had this guy in mind IMHO about a week after she made that announcement to me. Who knows for sure though,you know?... WTFO - Speaking from experience AND from reading dozens and dozens of testimonials on LS - I guarantee that her announcement was definitely due to the OM. My stbxw basically rewrote the last 2 years of our marriage and used that for the excuse to drop the bomb on me. I was SHOCKED - never saw it coming. I guarantee our last 2 years were better than 90% of marriages. The stbx's always rewrite history to justify their actions. Sorry so harsh, but that is it has happened to almost all of us and it would be shocking if was not the same with you. But you can never know for sure because your wife will never be truthful with you. Good Luck Man - Take Care - Be Good to yourself now!!
seibert253 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 WTFO - Speaking from experience AND from reading dozens and dozens of testimonials on LS - I guarantee that her announcement was definitely due to the OM. My stbxw basically rewrote the last 2 years of our marriage and used that for the excuse to drop the bomb on me. I was SHOCKED - never saw it coming. I guarantee our last 2 years were better than 90% of marriages. The stbx's always rewrite history to justify their actions. Sorry so harsh, but that is it has happened to almost all of us and it would be shocking if was not the same with you. But you can never know for sure because your wife will never be truthful with you. Good Luck Man - Take Care - Be Good to yourself now!! All of them rewrite M history to help them get over their guilt. A couple months into R, my wife finally realized this and was able to admit it. A big breakthrough since W is very stubburn and hates to admit she's wrong.
Author WTFO Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 the reasons she's leaving you and has a new BF is because you're too nice. so basically, no, you don't send a card or anything else cause then you would be rewarding her for treating you like crap Good points on all accounts. The kids did pick out their own cards and personalized them. Thank you all.
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