boldjack Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 2sunny, He is NOT a slow learner. So far, he has gotten all he wants, they are still married, he believes that he is still in control of Athena's feelings, and she is so taken up by his words, that she sometimes forgets what the question is. If you can't dazzle them with intellect, baffle them with bullsh*t.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 There is also a quality to it of "Fix Me, Mommy". Rather annoying for a grown man. He actually used to say we (i.e. HE) doesn't need to go to a therapist, because I am all he needs to help fix him...
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 If you can't dazzle them with intellect, baffle them with bullsh*t. LOL! :laugh: You guys are killing me!
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Yes, you are spot-on... he is all you said. Writing styles are interesting. My gut instincts tell me that this guy was not cheating on you, instead he was probably confused - and that you're probably more relationship savy than he.
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 He actually used to say we (i.e. HE) doesn't need to go to a therapist, because I am all he needs to help fix him... Oh ugh. Was that supposedly to be a compliment? Cause it sounds like flattery designed to allow him to be a weasel. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain....
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 In every lie there is a kernel of truth. I don't know who said that, but whoever it was, he/she was right on the money. Athena's husband will tell her anything to get what he wants. He wants Athena to stay married to him, to continue to cheat on her, until HE decides to stop, then he wants to come home to his dutiful wife and take up where he left off, WITHOUT any repercussions. So now he is laying the ground-work for that to happen. Yikes! That could be it!
2sunny Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 nobody can fix someone else - that's what he doesn't understand is that HE needs to own his own bad behavior (which he has never done) and HE needs to do something about it (which he has never been willing to do). if he expects you to participate in fixing anything for him - he's just a few decades too late. he has work to do... all he wants from you is to stick around for more of the same that he's dished out for all of your marriage. it's just not enough.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Writing styles are interesting. My gut instincts tell me that this guy was not cheating on you, instead he was probably confused - and that you're probably more relationship savy than he. He may well not be cheating now, sure! But he has admitted to 8 affairs...
2sunny Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Writing styles are interesting. My gut instincts tell me that this guy was not cheating on you, instead he was probably confused - and that you're probably more relationship savy than he. ahahahahahaha, bahahahahaha OMG, go back and read some of her history... Athena - did you hear that??? he was not cheating on you... i did not have sex with that woman .... ms. lewinsky...
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 2sunny, He is NOT a slow learner. Interestingly enough, he has ALWAYS claimed (to me, at least) that he IS a slow learner... especially when it comes to 'learning from his mistakes'...
NowhereToHide Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Athena, I used to bring in the emails from my xAP to my therapist and read them to her and, while he wasn't quite as confusing as your H, they were frustrating to say the least. My therapist would sit there shaking her head and say, "but what the hell is he trying to say!". He, too, is a nerd. When he wrote to me, it was sometimes like he wanted desperately to tell me something but I had to read between the lines because he wasn't able to find the right way of expressing himself. I think you now know for the most part what he is saying (thanks to some pretty funny people here!). At the end of the day, he IS telling you everything you need to know to make a decision.
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Yikes! That could be it! I'm going to say that your husband is confused because: he cannot keep his cool when he falls in love and he's fallen hard and fast for you but also does not believe in love - which is why he's allowed himself to see other women.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 ahahahahahaha, bahahahahaha OMG, go back and read some of her history... Athena - did you hear that??? he was not cheating on you... i did not have sex with that woman .... ms. lewinsky... Yeah, but you'reAsian doesn't know my history, he probably only had this one email of my H's to go by... BTW, 2Sunny, I am STILL waiting for him to reply to my feedback understanding of his one sentence... and THEN I am going to put your question to him... and ask for a one word answer. I am really curious about how he's going to handle it
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I'm going to say that your husband is confused because: he cannot keep his cool when he falls in love and he's fallen hard and fast for you but also does not believe in love - which is why he's allowed himself to see other women. Are you familiar with her history at ALL? Her H has much bigger problems than "not believing in love."
boldjack Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I have never understood why people think that cheaters are stupid. Immoral, dishonest, selfish, yes. Stupid, rarely.
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Yeah, but you'reAsian doesn't know my history, he probably only had this one email of my H's to go by... BTW, 2Sunny, I am STILL waiting for him to reply to my feedback understanding of his one sentence... and THEN I am going to put your question to him... and ask for a one word answer. I am really curious about how he's going to handle it You're far too clever and cruel, Athena.
2sunny Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Interestingly enough, he has ALWAYS claimed (to me, at least) that he IS a slow learner... especially when it comes to 'learning from his mistakes'... exactly, he can't learn from his mistakes when his is unwilling to admit to himself how wrong he was. he never wants to own the wrongs he did - just justify why his life needs to continue the way it's always been. hence, the reason why he can;'t move past the mistakes. btw, a mistake is done by accident - he has purpose in cheating every time he chose to be with another woman. it's called selfish and self centered. he thinks he deserves it all - and that you should be the one to participate just the way you always did. he doesn't even own his part that he played in this and he certainly doesn't seem willing to change anything. why bother? for more of the same? life is too short... i don't care how much you love someone... life is too short.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I have never understood why people think that cheaters are stupid. Immoral, dishonest, selfish, yes. Stupid, rarely. good point, boldjack, he is smart... smart enough to manipulate Other's thinking of him... smart enough for me not to realize that he was being manipulative...
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I'd argue he's a VERY quick study. He managed to get through 3 d-days and still has Athena giving him the time of day. Faux-modesty on his part is cute tho - like sprinkles on a donut.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 You're far too clever and cruel' date=' Athena. [/quote'] I am a quick learner, You'reasian! :laugh: I USED to be a nice, good girl! now I am learning about how people are 'clever and cruel'!
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I'd argue he's a VERY quick study. He managed to get through 3 d-days and still has Athena giving him the time of day. Faux-modesty on his part is cute tho - like sprinkles on a donut. urr, make that 5 D-days! lol about the sprinkles...
2sunny Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I'm going to say that your husband is confused because: he cannot keep his cool when he falls in love and he's fallen hard and fast for you but also does not believe in love - which is why he's allowed himself to see other women. these are so many contradictions! who says allowed? he never asked Athenas permission... to cheat every time! to see other women! yep, plural! permission! let's see how you feel after 20 years married and hubby screws around with (an admitted) 8 women and see how you may feel about him trying to snow you after that... may he will ask you for "permission" first.
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 urr, make that 5 D-days! lol about the sprinkles... Always remember, donuts taste good, but they're bad for you. Think to yourself: Do I really want to see that donut on my as* later? I think not.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 <<<I think I said it better in the original paragraph but in the one-line response you asked me for I could not go into eloquent detail on this point. I do feel debilitated with all the feelings of regret. I am not saying I won't go on though. I am saying that it is very hard for me to look at the where I am because of what I have been and the damage it has caused our precious marriage. I am not looking for excuses Athena. You make it sound like I have found a new peg to hang everything on. I think of things you've said like that you used to be so in love with me, or that you used to adore me. I think of my selfish ways and actions. I think of the years I've been away. I think of my children growing up without their father. If you think these are simply minor considerations then you are mistaken and it is these that I refer to under the heading 'regret'.>>> Anyway, I was inspired by your explanation/breakdown of his one sentence summary, to write the following to him: <<<It means that the feelings of regret I have seem to far outweigh and obscure the path to the place I want to be with you.>> H, do I understand you correctly? -- So do you mean that it is now the REGRET that you have, that prevents you from moving forward? You can’t be in ‘the place you want to be with me’ because of what you’ve done?!
2sunny Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 he's smart and manipulative. when someone uses that many words to say almost nothing - he has mastered the art of bull****... it doesn't happen overnight - he has become very skilled at his art form over the years. it has many rewards and has paid off for him. it is seen with a lot of cheaters... they never intend to give the truth - so they have to twist and turn it so that it looks totally different - but looks like they are actually saying something - when they are actually saying nothing.
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