boldjack Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Yeah, NWH, Men are pigs, and I used to be the biggest Swine in the herd.
desertmoon Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 See, that's what bothers me about his emails. They are... not sincere.... You do not think he is sincere? I DO. but I also believe he wants you to let him be...and be assured that you will always be THE woman he loves and the only one he can imagine growing old with.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Damn. So THAT's what you men are thinking! I know, right?! I love having BoldJack here to let us 'see' what the CS is up to, especially when it comes to placating/rationalizing/soothing the ruffled feathers of the BS! lol
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I went and ordered it with my 1-click ordering! Thanks Misty! I should get it soon! I found it illuminating. Hope you like it too.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 You do not think he is sincere? I DO. but I also believe he wants you to let him be...and be assured that you will always be THE woman he loves and the only one he can imagine growing old with. <sigh> he is so messed up! He wants me to be in his future, but cannot see how to change his ways. He says what he says in the moment, but how can he sincerely want a future for us, when he is unable to commit to changing his ways? Isn't that insincere? I mean, yes, he probably believes what he says, but as BoldJack pointed out, it's a Technique for stalling, for buying time, with the SO.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 But the most hilarious thing is that now it is the REGRET that prevents him from moving forward. He had affairs cause he was "flawed" then when he's busted, he can't make it better because he is "too sorry" about what he's done. Please. EXACTLY! Misty, you hit the nail on the head! What's with that?!
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 He wants me to be in his future, but cannot see how to change his ways. Well, if by some miracle he's just being honest - that he can't change - I guess that you best bet is to believe him.
boldjack Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 It's like playing the piano. You can get any tune you want, if you know the right keys to press.
2sunny Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 it was me - me who stated that he uses a lot of words that say nothing - and that he should use 6 words or less to say what he really means. with that said, he is essentially NOT owning his bad behavior in a direct way that would show his WILLINGNESS to change. quite the opposite... he has stated that he regrets his actions -BUT - he still wants to have you. so, Athena, nothing has changed. he's still the same full of crap man that he's always been - and expects that to be enough for you to let him back into your life. question is - what are you going to do now? ps... you can still love someone even though you are no longer with them... hopefully in a healthy light enough to move forward and find a healthy love.
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 EXACTLY! Misty, you hit the nail on the head! What's with that?! IMO, it's dramatic crap. Basically, "I can't help myself, so take pity on me." It's pleading insanity with hopes of walking away from a crime scott-free, AND a free pass to continue acting out because if you accept the 1st premise, the insanity, then he really can't help himself. If he truly believes this about himself, then I do feel sorry for him. People that are completely incapable of taking responsibility for their feelings and actions are doomed to this goofy inertia, and it is by choice. But hey, at least he's upfront about his inability to change.
desertmoon Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 ...it's a Technique for stalling, for buying time, with the SO. buy time, to do what? You do not believe that he sincerely wants to grow old with you despite him being messed up? Do you think that he is "buying time" until he finds someone else and then agree to let you go? I don't think so. I think he really wants you to see pass his cheating. Some men, huh?
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Well, if by some miracle he's just being honest - that he can't change - I guess that you best bet is to believe him. Yes, but he is not saying he will ever 'let me go' -- in fact he always says he will not. So, don't know what he is thinking when he sees he cannot change, and yet still wants/sees us together in the future, makes no sense to me. Anyway, I was inspired by your explanation/breakdown of his one sentence summary, to write the following to him: <<<It means that the feelings of regret I have seem to far outweigh and obscure the path to the place I want to be with you.>> H, do I understand you correctly? -- So do you mean that it is now the REGRET that you have, that prevents you from moving forward? You can’t be in ‘the place you want to be with me’ because of what you’ve done?!
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Yes, but he is not saying he will ever 'let me go' -- in fact he always says he will not. So, don't know what he is thinking when he sees he cannot change, and yet still wants/sees us together in the future, makes no sense to me. Wow, how fabulously selfish of him. "I'm a jerk, I know it, I won't change, but I'm still going to manipulate you because I know you care enough about me that i can." What he is thinking is: "I can wear her down, I always have. I know exactly what buttons to push and I'll keep trying til I find the right one cause its a whole lot easier than working on myself".
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 buy time, to do what? You do not believe that he sincerely wants to grow old with you despite him being messed up? Do you think that he is "buying time" until he finds someone else and then agree to let you go? I don't think so. I think he really wants you to see pass his cheating. Some men, huh? I don't mean he is trying to find someone else, I mean that he wants to convince me of being here for him, perhaps to buy time for me NOT to file for divorce, so that I fall back in love with him the way I was... I absolutely do see him saying over and over that he does not want to lose me. On the other hand, as BoldJack has pointed out to me, that doesn't mean that my H is not busy having another affair as we speak... there's no knowing what he is up to...
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Wow, how fabulously selfish of him. "I'm a jerk, I know it, I won't change, but I'm still going to manipulate you because I know you care enough about me that i can." What he is thinking is: "I can wear her down, I always have. I know exactly what buttons to push and I'll keep trying til I find the right one cause its a whole lot easier than working on myself". I don't know why Misty, but your posts are so spot on, that they make me laugh out loud!
boldjack Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 In every lie there is a kernel of truth. I don't know who said that, but whoever it was, he/she was right on the money. Athena's husband will tell her anything to get what he wants. He wants Athena to stay married to him, to continue to cheat on her, until HE decides to stop, then he wants to come home to his dutiful wife and take up where he left off, WITHOUT any repercussions. So now he is laying the ground-work for that to happen.
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 ... this is his response... is it just me, or is this just a whole lot of nothing? gr:mad: ________________________________________ My dreams have been filled with memories of you. How we were. I was on the road to recognising what it is about me that made me pursue the course of action I did but I am constantly prevented because I find it unfathomable when considering that I did these things married to you. I definitely have a self-destruct mechanism linked to self-awareness that was implanted long ago by one means or another. But far from fighting it and re-casting my character I went with the preprogramming and became self-actuating on the basis of a foregone conclusion. But despite the quagmire of debilitating memories I have created by my actions, I still dream of you in a way that makes me long for the days when my love for you precluded me from testing the bonds of our marriage. You have been a good wife Athena. The best in every way! I do not deserve you but if I believe that I will again be allowing the fulfillment of distant programming which has already destroyed so much in my life. There are some things I know to be true and that's without being told or educated to believe them, and one of these things is that I love you and want to be with you forever no matter what comes in my path. If I could erase my past and pay for it with twenty years of my life, I would do so without thinking about it one second. But that's not reality and the only way I have to change the past is to change the future. A future with you in which I can lay back in place the building blocks of our marriage and happiness together. His writing style comes across as a highly-educated person, maybe a technical/hard-sciences guy who thinks more abstractly. If that fits his personality, then he was pouring his heart, desires and frustrations out to you.
2sunny Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 point blank ask him if he will EVER cheat again! and tell him to answer the question with a yes or no only! Athena - of all the words he chooses to write - he never says he will no longer cheat - only that he hasn't yet figured out why he has always needed to cheat through the whole marriage... what a slow learner he is.
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I don't know why Misty, but your posts are so spot on, that they make me laugh out loud! Always here to help
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 It's like playing the piano. You can get any tune you want, if you know the right keys to press. LOL! Spoken by a true Charmer!
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 point blank ask him if he will EVER cheat again! and tell him to answer the question with a yes or no only! Sadly, I believe she already knows the answer to that, even without asking.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 His writing style comes across as a highly-educated person' date=' maybe a technical/hard-sciences guy who thinks more abstractly. If that fits his personality, then he was pouring his heart, desires and frustrations out to you.[/quote'] Yes, you are spot-on... he is all you said.
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Yes, you are spot-on... he is all you said. There is also a quality to it of "Fix Me, Mommy". Rather annoying for a grown man.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 it was me - me who stated that he uses a lot of words that say nothing - and that he should use 6 words or less to say what he really means. with that said, he is essentially NOT owning his bad behavior in a direct way that would show his WILLINGNESS to change. quite the opposite... he has stated that he regrets his actions -BUT - he still wants to have you. so, Athena, nothing has changed. he's still the same full of crap man that he's always been - and expects that to be enough for you to let him back into your life. question is - what are you going to do now? ps... you can still love someone even though you are no longer with them... hopefully in a healthy light enough to move forward and find a healthy love. 2Sunny! Hello again YES it was you! And I want to thank you for that, because it is a great way to see through all of his fluff... lol... it is also the first time I ever asked him to say what he means in ONE sentence, lol!
2sunny Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Sadly, I believe she already knows the answer to that, even without asking. i know and we all know the answer - it is always interesting to see how he purposefully moves away from answering a direct question. this is not one he can move away from - he either answers yes or no... then it is up to Athena to decide IF she believes his one word answer. my best guess is that he won't answer it with a yes or no...
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