Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Once before when I posted several of my husband's emails to me, a fellow LS poster pointed out that he uses a 'lot of words' but says nothing. I just got this email from him in response to my telling him I found some old emails from me to him, and I was 'shocked' to see how much I used to love him and WHY did he go to OW#7 at the time? That I would never understand that... ... this is his response... is it just me, or is this just a whole lot of nothing? gr:mad: ________________________________________ My dreams have been filled with memories of you. How we were. I was on the road to recognising what it is about me that made me pursue the course of action I did but I am constantly prevented because I find it unfathomable when considering that I did these things married to you. I definitely have a self-destruct mechanism linked to self-awareness that was implanted long ago by one means or another. But far from fighting it and re-casting my character I went with the preprogramming and became self-actuating on the basis of a foregone conclusion. But despite the quagmire of debilitating memories I have created by my actions, I still dream of you in a way that makes me long for the days when my love for you precluded me from testing the bonds of our marriage. You have been a good wife Athena. The best in every way! I do not deserve you but if I believe that I will again be allowing the fulfillment of distant programming which has already destroyed so much in my life. There are some things I know to be true and that's without being told or educated to believe them, and one of these things is that I love you and want to be with you forever no matter what comes in my path. If I could erase my past and pay for it with twenty years of my life, I would do so without thinking about it one second. But that's not reality and the only way I have to change the past is to change the future. A future with you in which I can lay back in place the building blocks of our marriage and happiness together.
TheLoneSock Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 He expresses himself like a geek. No offense. But if he's going to make a long letter like that, with all the words but not saying much of anything, he could atleast be romantic. He is- strange- to say the least. Basically, until he learns how to shoot straight and not pussyfoot around the subject, ignore his outcries like this. That's my .02 cents.
Fallen Angel Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Once before when I posted several of my husband's emails to me, a fellow LS poster pointed out that he uses a 'lot of words' but says nothing. I just got this email from him in response to my telling him I found some old emails from me to him, and I was 'shocked' to see how much I used to love him and WHY did he go to OW#7 at the time? That I would never understand that... ... this is his response... is it just me, or is this just a whole lot of nothing? gr:mad: ________________________________________ My dreams have been filled with memories of you. How we were. I was on the road to recognising what it is about me that made me pursue the course of action I did but I am constantly prevented because I find it unfathomable when considering that I did these things married to you. I definitely have a self-destruct mechanism linked to self-awareness that was implanted long ago by one means or another. But far from fighting it and re-casting my character I went with the preprogramming and became self-actuating on the basis of a foregone conclusion. But despite the quagmire of debilitating memories I have created by my actions, I still dream of you in a way that makes me long for the days when my love for you precluded me from testing the bonds of our marriage. You have been a good wife Athena. The best in every way! I do not deserve you but if I believe that I will again be allowing the fulfillment of distant programming which has already destroyed so much in my life. There are some things I know to be true and that's without being told or educated to believe them, and one of these things is that I love you and want to be with you forever no matter what comes in my path. If I could erase my past and pay for it with twenty years of my life, I would do so without thinking about it one second. But that's not reality and the only way I have to change the past is to change the future. A future with you in which I can lay back in place the building blocks of our marriage and happiness together. HUH? I am so confused.. I think I have a headache now. I am not a natural blonde, so it must be that years of peroxide fumes have killed off too many brain cells, cause I didn't get any of that other than, he was an a$$, you were a good wife, and he doesn't deserve you. I think you should go with that! he doesn't deserve you!!
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 LOL -- thelonesock and FallenAngel!!! Thanks for the laugh... Is he actually promising to not cheat again? That isn't so clear to me,
Fallen Angel Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 LOL -- thelonesock and FallenAngel!!! Thanks for the laugh... Is he actually promising to not cheat again? That isn't so clear to me, Um.. yeah, NO! I am gonna have to go with NO, sounds to me like he is giving a lot of dramaqueen bullsh*t psychobabble excuse for why he cheated and why none of it is REALLY his fault, predestined to be a jerk... etc etc adnauseum... UGH! I stick by my first answer, he said he doesn't deserve you, I think that is the most honest thing he said in that drivel!
NowhereToHide Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 All I can say is WOW. People who communicate in that way do so as a way of covering up a lot of insecurities. He is using his "big" words to impress people when he has no understanding of the correct context in which to use them. Insecure big time. And at the end of the day it doesn't come off as sincere.
TheLoneSock Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 He is using his "big" words to impress people when he has no understanding of the correct context in which to use them. This was a personal email sent to her and her only. What 'people' is he trying to impress? I agree that he's lost his nut, but that didn't make any sense.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 lol, I just sent him a reply asking him to summarize what his email means, in ONE sentence He's not gonna like that! I remember a LS member saying that I must tell my H to 'say it in 6 words or less' Thanks for the replies -- I was wondering if it was just me, or if his email was too wordy, but lacking in meaning! Sometimes I don't know... must be all the gaslighting over the years, ha ha
desertmoon Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Athena....you know I have always loved the way your husband writes.. If not for the sorry state of his being..I bet he wrote very beautiful love letters. BUT, this letter is no different from the other letters..while it seems that he is owning the error of his ways, he is also saying "but, but.. I am a product of my past". As if he can't get away from it. If that is the case, then it is hopeless to give him another chance...and expect him to change, right? (((((athena))))))...take care, goddess! BTW, your pic on the avatar few weeks back was awesome...put it back up...! It will be a charitable act to all humanity on LS
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Athena....you know I have always loved the way your husband writes.. If not for the sorry state of his being..I bet he wrote very beautiful love letters. BUT, this letter is no different from the other letters..while it seems that he is owning the error of his ways, he is also saying "but, but.. I am a product of my past". As if he can't get away from it. If that is the case, then it is hopeless to give him another chance...and expect him to change, right? (((((athena))))))...take care, goddess! BTW, your pic on the avatar few weeks back was awesome...put it back up...! It will be a charitable act to all humanity on LS aww Desert! you liked my face! lol Yes, I know you have always enjoyed his emails to me! And YES he certainly has written very good love letters... as for this letter, I agree with you pointing out the "But" part of his letter, where he says basically that's who he is, that's what he does... wonder why he talks about the future with US in it... I don't feel that way, although I have accepted him as being as he is... I am not trying to 'help' him change!
NowhereToHide Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 This was a personal email sent to her and her only. What 'people' is he trying to impress? I agree that he's lost his nut, but that didn't make any sense. What a helpful addition to this thread.
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 "It means that the feelings of regret I have seem to far outweigh and obscure the path to the place I want to be with you. " :confused: LoveShackers help! His above response isn't making it any clearer to me!
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 <sigh> it must be my brain! Well, it is past midnight for me, now, and it is afternoon for him there at work! ... maybe I should sleep on it, lol
desertmoon Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 aww Desert! you liked my face! lol Everybody did, I think. wonder why he talks about the future with US in it but Athena, he has never imagined his life without you....you are his rock, his anchor so he does not drift away, the one constant person who has loved him and loved him through all the bad stuff....too bad it is just now that he is realizing the "water does not spring eternal"....although, I think he still believes he can make you stay and make you love him like you used to.
Jilly Bean Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 He's basically saying he had no control over his actions, because his earlier life made him so effed up, he was destined to turn out to be a schmuck, and that's all he'll ever amount to. But, he also does express deep remorse over hurting you, but I don't think he said he would never do it again. Quite the opposite - he's saying that this is how he is wired to behave, and that ain't a changin'...
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 He's basically saying he had no control over his actions, because his earlier life made him so effed up, he was destined to turn out to be a schmuck, and that's all he'll ever amount to. But, he also does express deep remorse over hurting you, but I don't think he said he would never do it again. Quite the opposite - he's saying that this is how he is wired to behave, and that ain't a changin'... Thank You! Jilly Bean -- Very well summarized!!!!
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I am wondering if I should put your words in an email to him -- as feedback of my understanding... and see what he says?!
Jilly Bean Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Thank You! Jilly Bean -- Very well summarized!!!! You're welcome, hon! And believe me - it was not an easy decifer! lol I don't know your story, but gather he's been repeatedly unfaithful. Are you considering reconciliation?
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 "It means that the feelings of regret I have seem to far outweigh and obscure the path to the place I want to be with you. " :confused: LoveShackers help! His above response isn't making it any clearer to me! Yeah, cause it's intentionally crappy - "I'm too sad about being a prick to be able to find my way back to you." Kind of like: "I am so sorry about robbing the bank that I must go spend the money because I can't figure out how to give it back." Right-o.
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 BTW, there's an AWESOME book about how to stop your past "issues" from affecting present relationships. Might make a nice Christmas present. Ha! http://www.amazon.com/When-Past-Present-Emotional-Relationships/dp/159030571X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255322676&sr=8-1
Jilly Bean Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Kind of like: "I am so sorry about robbing the bank that I must go spend the money because I can't figure out how to give it back." Right-o. LOL. NOT laughing at Athena's predicament, but that was a mighty funny analogy, Misty. I agree that he is deeply regretful, but also seems both unwilling, and unable for change, yet he longs for a future with Athena that is free of his baggage, yet he also knows he will never be actually free of said baggage. Sad, really. I don't doubt his love, but it's disconcerting to hear him give up on attempting to change.
boldjack Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I disagree JB, Athena's H has said things like this before. What he is doing is to placate her into believing that he is concerned about his behavior. She wants to believe him, and so he gets away with cheating for a while longer. I used to do something similar, when I was a cheater. When caught red-handed, I would always admit my guilt, but would play on my so's love for me, and on her compassion.......... I did it, am sooooo ashamed and will never do it again, and if I could call it back, I would give my life ETC. Besides it was the Alcohol/drugs/woman/background/moment/relationship trouble that forced me to do it. I'm just a pawn in the game of life.!! You see? Easy as pie!!
Author Athena Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 BTW, there's an AWESOME book about how to stop your past "issues" from affecting present relationships. Might make a nice Christmas present. Ha! http://www.amazon.com/When-Past-Present-Emotional-Relationships/dp/159030571X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255322676&sr=8-1 I went and ordered it with my 1-click ordering! Thanks Misty! I should get it soon! Yeah, cause it's intentionally crappy - "I'm too sad about being a prick to be able to find my way back to you." Kind of like: "I am so sorry about robbing the bank that I must go spend the money because I can't figure out how to give it back." Right-o. See, that's what bothers me about his emails. They are, as NowhereToHide pointed out, not sincere....
NowhereToHide Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I disagree JB, Athena's H has said things like this before. What he is doing is to placate her into believing that he is concerned about his behavior. She wants to believe him, and so he gets away with cheating for a while longer. I used to do something similar, when I was a cheater. When caught red-handed, I would always admit my guilt, but would play on my so's love for me, and on her compassion.......... I did it, am sooooo ashamed and will never do it again, and if I could call it back, I would give my life ETC. Besides it was the Alcohol/drugs/woman/background/moment/relationship trouble that forced me to do it. I'm just a pawn in the game of life.!! You see? Easy as pie!! Damn. So THAT's what you men are thinking!
MistyK Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 But the most hilarious thing is that now it is the REGRET that prevents him from moving forward. He had affairs cause he was "flawed" then when he's busted, he can't make it better because he is "too sorry" about what he's done. Please.
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