delajoonal Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) In reading a cetain book today, i was faced with a challenge... An experiement, if you will. To get a piece of paper, draw a line down the center, on one side, at the top, write,'HAVE', and on the other side at the top, write, 'HAVE NOT'.... i was SURE at this time in my life, i would have 100+ Have NOTS.... what i found, was i had at least 5x MORE 'HAVE' than the Have Nots... hmmm? this put a HUGE smile on my face..for the first time in...ack, who knows... i just thought if THIS made ME smile..LOL..you ALL know the dark place i am in right now...anyway, i thought maybe some of you would want to try IT too??? and see how many HAVEs you have compared to the HAVE NOTS? would really love to hear what you all came up with???? i found out that i need to be more grateful for what i do have..things we forget about, everyday...like vision, hearing, a big cozy bed with a good TV, a great car, my emma joy, my son, ok not in that order:o..LOL...but you get it, right? and the have NOTS started with, my husband left me... and then after that...there was only about 5 things i could come up with that i really don't have..granted they are BIG, like i have NO family, truly..and my H's family was MY family, so now i don't have them since my H left...but it made me look at the other column more and really work at finding what I DO HAVE... all the little things i seem to take for granted...sometimes, most days i do say my thank you's to God, especially for the fact that my H left, but did not leave me homeless or penniless...as he could have just left me in the streets, cause i don't work right now, due to an illness...so i really had to struggle with that one...as much as i want to hate him for abandoning me, at least he still takes care of my finacially.... ok...so please share people..this project was HUGE for me today..you all know how deep in this funk i am, and i can really use some feedback/input..whatever we call it..LOL thanks guys!.. Edited October 11, 2009 by delajoonal spelling
JaneDoe35 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Yesterday & today have been my worst 2 days in the last 2 months. I didn't think that there was any lower than how I was already feeling. Your post came at the right time for me. Although I am not ready to do the exercise with the have's & have not's yet, reading a little about yours made me feel slightly better. Thankyou
Author delajoonal Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 hi JD.... i am glad to see your post today...not glad you have not been well tho:o i am sorry you are having this pain too...it really is undescribable...all we can do is try to get thru it, keep posting and venting, letting out any thoughts or any feelings...also, remember i mentioned a while back in another post to you, try journaling too...i write up to 36 pages sometimes of just letters to my H and letters to OW and just venting and venting..but never send those letters.. of course..LOL...but keep them in your journal book...it is the best therapy... and it is good to look back and see how far you have come and where you are now..even it is another backslide, there might be something in that journal from past, that can help today or tomorrow? i started years ago...when this fisrt happened, my H leaving for OW, i had gone back about 4 years in my journals..and realized, we did have some issues...and i had written, i hate MY marriage and i want out! a few times...so things weren't as perfect as even i had MYSELF believing all these years... anyway...my point..after all that rambling..sorry..tee hee.. pick up a comp book at your local market even will carry them...and just start writing down everything you feel and think and what you would say to OW and to your H..from day one all thru the years to now..... im glad you are here today, but not cause it means you are hurting too much... we are all here for you tho..OK;)
JaneDoe35 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 hi JD.... i am glad to see your post today...not glad you have not been well tho:o i am sorry you are having this pain too...it really is undescribable...all we can do is try to get thru it, keep posting and venting, letting out any thoughts or any feelings...also, remember i mentioned a while back in another post to you, try journaling too...i write up to 36 pages sometimes of just letters to my H and letters to OW and just venting and venting..but never send those letters.. of course..LOL...but keep them in your journal book...it is the best therapy... and it is good to look back and see how far you have come and where you are now..even it is another backslide, there might be something in that journal from past, that can help today or tomorrow? i started years ago...when this fisrt happened, my H leaving for OW, i had gone back about 4 years in my journals..and realized, we did have some issues...and i had written, i hate MY marriage and i want out! a few times...so things weren't as perfect as even i had MYSELF believing all these years... anyway...my point..after all that rambling..sorry..tee hee.. pick up a comp book at your local market even will carry them...and just start writing down everything you feel and think and what you would say to OW and to your H..from day one all thru the years to now..... im glad you are here today, but not cause it means you are hurting too much... we are all here for you tho..OK;) I have been scared to journal. My reason for that is that if I put it on paper then it must be real. I know that must sound silly but I am in some strange state of denial. I cannot seem to accept the truth yet. But maybe I really do need to write it all down....I am so sad & defeated.
Mrs. Ambivalent Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Great thread/idea. Thanks for sharing. Reminds me of something I use to do with my kids that would be a good thing to start doing again. And that is a grateful journal. Every night before you go to bed write 3 things that you are grateful for in a journal. After a while it becomes very enlightening. You'll realize how much you have to be grateful for and concentrate on those more than the things you don't have in life. I did this with my kids for many years when they were young. I think it went by the wayside when they got a little older (2nd and 3rd grade maybe) and had to read to themselves as part of their homework. They tended to do this in bed so it replaced the grateful books I think. I came across those grateful books the other day, it was awesome to look back on them. Oh, and I got the idea from an Oprah show, so I don't want to take credit for it, of course. Good luck to you!
Author delajoonal Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Jane... i know how you feel about the denial part... i actually wrote on one WHOLE page just yesterday... WHY WHY WHY WHY a million times over and over.... and at the end, asked God, why am i still in such huge denial... so you see, you can write that part too:confused: i am telling you, once you start writing..IT will just keep pooring out... keep a box if tissues handy, cause the ink will run from all the tears... but it is such a great release..just a like a good brisk walk...journaling is a brisk walk for the soul. also mrs. A..yep, that grateful journal is good too...i do that in my regular jouranl, i always say thanks for my son and my emma joy and what health i do have left..LOL..and much more..if i don't write it, i say it in my prayers... sounds like you are a great mom too! good base values..you know, even tho you stopped doing the grateful journals with your kids as they got older, i bet they will remember that time, and pass it down to their kids?? take care ladies..
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