Angel1111 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I think of xmas as a family holiday and I wouldn't go on a trip anywhere at that time of the year (unless we all went as a family) because it would mean that I'm not going to be with my family for xmas. That's never going to happen - no matter how old my son is, or anyone else in my family. I was once with a guy who didn't give a fig about my son, nor his own kids, and it was the last time I ever dated someone like that. I thought that I could deal with it, that our relationship had nothing to do with my son, blah, blah, blah. It was all nonsense. I would never date someone like that again. If I love or care about someone, then I love and care about their kids. Then there's the friend of mine who wanted to date me but I couldn't stand his kids because they were out of control brats. I knew I could never deal with that so I never dated him. Lots of other women broke up with him over his kids. They were awful and still are. I knew that even when they grew up, they'd still be in my life one way or another.
Thornton Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 And you feel okay asking him to choose between you and his kids? Well, no... I wouldn't actually ask him to choose. If there was a conflict between me and his kids then I'd just leave, rather than ask him to choose. So for example if I decided I wanted to live in a different country, I wouldn't ask him to choose between coming with me or staying with his kids, I'd just assume he should stay with his kids and would leave. The real conflict would arise if we had kids of our own, and there was a conflict between our family and his kids from a previous relationship. Then I guess there would be a problem if I decided I wanted to leave the country or something, because it wouldn't be a choice between me and his kids, it would be a choice between two sets of his kids.
dreamergrl Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Well, no... I wouldn't actually ask him to choose. If there was a conflict between me and his kids then I'd just leave, rather than ask him to choose. So for example if I decided I wanted to live in a different country, I wouldn't ask him to choose between coming with me or staying with his kids, I'd just assume he should stay with his kids and would leave. The real conflict would arise if we had kids of our own, and there was a conflict between our family and his kids from a previous relationship. Then I guess there would be a problem if I decided I wanted to leave the country or something, because it wouldn't be a choice between me and his kids, it would be a choice between two sets of his kids. But his kids are his family, in addition to the kids he would have with you. His kids would be blood related through him to your kids - if you had kids with him. There shouldn't be conflict with that.
Thornton Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 There would obviously be a conflict if I wanted to move to another country or city, away from where his kids live, or if our (future) kids needed him to be there for them at the same time as his other kids did. Obviously he couldn't do two things at once - for example if I decided that I wanted to take our kids to another country and his kids stayed put, then he couldn't continue to live in the same country as both sets of kids, he'd have to either come with our kids or stay near his kids. That's an extreme example and I'm not saying that such a conflict would every arise, I'm just pointing out that there can be conflict between two sets of kids and choosing is sometimes unavoidable.
dreamergrl Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 There would obviously be a conflict if I wanted to move to another country or city, away from where his kids live, or if our (future) kids needed him to be there for them at the same time as his other kids did. Obviously he couldn't do two things at once - for example if I decided that I wanted to take our kids to another country and his kids stayed put, then he couldn't continue to live in the same country as both sets of kids, he'd have to either come with our kids or stay near his kids. That's an extreme example and I'm not saying that such a conflict would every arise, I'm just pointing out that there can be conflict between two sets of kids and choosing is sometimes unavoidable. Or you could respect him enough not to take his new kids away like that (and make your kids fatherless). You could be mature and help it work for everyone.
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