ecm Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 not to jack the thread but what you just said ecm is what i think is happening with my girl. twice in the last year she needed space. the first time she came back. this 2nd time she hasnt (yet). and it always happens when things are good. There are SOOOOOOO many threads about this, with LOTS of stories to read I'm on the recieving end of it with my current fiasco. Not fun. The advice on here is great and I think it's extrememly helpful. Knowing other people are going through it (and how they deal with it- successfully AND unsuccessfully) makes it easier to undertand what's in people's heads.
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I think its harder for me right now because she is using someone else asa void or whatever, she never gave us time to heal. Her other sister even is shocked and said she was crazy about me. How do you let go, without giving up on the person. Whether I can or want to be with her or not, i don't know right now. But I care about her making these crazy decisions. I feel like I did something to make her snap. And gave her space to find someone new or to need to fill the void. Either way she seems happy now and parading this guy all around her family and internet for the world to see and me to hurt by. Does it make sense, are a lot of 22 yr olds like this. We were looking through wedding mags a week prior to her cutting me off. Now a new guy is the one?
ecm Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I think its harder for me right now because she is using someone else asa void or whatever, she never gave us time to heal. Her other sister even is shocked and said she was crazy about me. How do you let go, without giving up on the person. Whether I can or want to be with her or not, i don't know right now. But I care about her making these crazy decisions. I feel like I did something to make her snap. And gave her space to find someone new or to need to fill the void. Either way she seems happy now and parading this guy all around her family and internet for the world to see and me to hurt by. Does it make sense, are a lot of 22 yr olds like this. We were looking through wedding mags a week prior to her cutting me off. Now a new guy is the one? I say pretty confidently (based on MY OWN similar behavior) that he is NOT the one. She got scared, so she ran. She think the "grass is greener" (you can smack me later for the cliche). She needs to see for herself that it's not. She thinks she wants to be free. She is expecting you to chase her, so don't. She'll be back. You need to think about whether or not you want to deal with this. If you take her back too easily, she won't learn and she'll do it again. It is the HARDEST thing... tring to give someone space b/c you are insecure, thinking this other guys is so special, thinking SHE is so special. Blah. Take some time for you & sit back. You have to allow yourself to give her space or she'll run FARTHER away. Look up some of the other threads on commitment phobes. Really. you'll think these people were dating the same person!!!
NSW768 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 its just pretty upsetting for any guy or gal in this situation of the SO needing space is that realistically if were had treated them like ****, we would maybe still have them. i mean its horrible, but if we were the ones to walk away lets say a week earlier they would be the one hurting and chasing us. instead we wait and mope and pine and plead, while they feel empowered and free or whatever.
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 ECM thx, and everyone for being there to try an slap me out of it. If she already knows she is hurting me by flaunting this why would she keep doing it? You can try to fake or hide love by why would you want to hurt them and make them upset. How long do the greener pastures usually last in these rebounds, what is she feeling?
Exit Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 How long do the greener pastures usually last in these rebounds, what is she feeling? You really need to break this habit of trying to decipher what is going on. It is doing you NO GOOD. What are you hoping to hear? Ok, "rebounds usually last for 2 months". So then you'll sit there and count the days until you think she'll come back to you, instead of putting your time to good use and healing yourself and moving on? You keep asking these kind of questions but you need to realize the information won't do you any good. What is she feeling? She's feeling the excitement of having someone new in her life and is probably feeling him next to her in bed. Is any of this making you feel better? I doubt it. The sooner you stop this, the better off you will be. It will become an addiction, you'll wake up every day and think of new questions that you want answered, you'll drive yourself crazy day after day trying to figure this out. Not trying to be harsh but after what I went through, I feel like it's my job to make sure nobody else goes down the same path I did, and if gentle nudging doesn't get you to take a different path, I guess I'll try to shove you off of it.
PinkToes Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 She's feeling over-the-moon infatuation with some guy she barely knows. Everything is perfect right now, because it isn't real. I'm guessing she behaved this way when the two of you started seeing each other also. It doesn't mean anything. The one thing we know for sure is that she isn't treating you very well. And it has nothing to do with you, with what you did or didn't do while you were together. Absolutely nothing. It sounds like she's got some issues to deal with before she'll be capable of truly loving anyone. I agree that she'll be back eventually. But meanwhile, please try as hard as possible to put her out of your mind. Don't check up on her, don't let anyone tell you anything about her. I know it's hard, because what's happening doesn't make any sense. But it will never make sense, no matter how much you try to figure it out. You'll just drive yourself crazy. So try to go easy on yourself right now, and take good care of you. She's gonna do what she's gonna do no matter what, and she has to struggle through it on her own.
ecm Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 ECM thx, and everyone for being there to try an slap me out of it. If she already knows she is hurting me by flaunting this why would she keep doing it? You can try to fake or hide love by why would you want to hurt them and make them upset. How long do the greener pastures usually last in these rebounds, what is she feeling? somes when people feel bad about something they do the OPPOSITE of what they should be doing. So, she feels like sh*t...she should be ebing nice, right? just like if she's happy...she should be staying in her relationship, right? Just like a 35 year old SHOULD be attracted to guys who are stable and NICE, right? wrong. LOL. I don't have an answer for you. I wish I did. It's just the way some people work. It's not nice. But if you let her, she'll continue to do this FOREVER.... DON'T!!! Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. I'm trying to get over someone who has the mental/ relationship capacity of a toddler. not fun. not fun. not fun. Apprently I'm in th emood to speak in threes today. Going home now. I'll probably think of more to say on my ride home. Play hard to get. I never do, and i KNOW it's the right thing to do. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. LOL
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Yes she was a bit crazy for me, but she tried to play the hard to get, but would wanna see me all the time. However she never went on this sort of a rampage posting things on her sites and families sites confessing her love for this guy. Even saying they were meant to be and now everyone knows even her dad I guess. Her boyfriend from 16-20 was the only other guy to meet her dad, and her dad respected me i believe. Now letting him know this way about the new guy.
WTRanger Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Dude, are you listening to what people here are saying? STOP trying to figure out her actions!!!!!!!!!!! I'll echo this for the 1,000th time here, she is immature and you have got to move on. Take this situation for what it is, not what you think it should be. Believe me, in your mind, you are no where near what is going on in reality. So get out of your own head. It is step 1 to a full recovery. She is posting all of that crap because she knows you are looking at it. She knows it is getting to you. Delete everything you have of her's so you stop seeing these things. She is trying to get a rise out of you and, sadly, it is working.
angelface78 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I understand how you feel. My ex of five years got a new girl a month after we broke up! It is a hard pill to swallow....but look she has told you "leave me alone" So do it! Give her what she wants. In time she will see if this new guy is the one or not. Chances are HE'S NOT!! Let her find that out on her own. Nothing you can do will change her mind. You will only push her more and more towards this guy. Go into NC...its hard but its the only way...and stop looking at her facebook...let her **** fall apart on its own!!
angelface78 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I understand how you feel. My ex of five years got a new girl a month after we broke up! It is a hard pill to swallow....but look she has told you "leave me alone" So do it! Give her what she wants. In time she will see if this new guy is the one or not. Chances are HE'S NOT!! Let her find that out on her own. Nothing you can do will change her mind. You will only push her more and more towards this guy. Go into NC...its hard but its the only way...and stop looking at her facebook...let her relationship fall apart on its own!!
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I know its pathetic a bit, but I wish I could shut off feelings like her and others seem so easily do. Were does cruelty come from? Anyhow, I deleted her fb yesterday, but I am still friends with her sisters and in laws and such so seeing her brilliant postings are not going away. I really get on well withthe sisters and in law. Can I email them or call and explain that I don't wanna be rude or hold anything against them, but anything linking to her is causing me pain. Whatelse should I say if anything? I tell myself to "man up", lol. But i still have a hard time not looking around for things if I go on for anything.
BCCA Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I deleted her fb yesterday, but I am still friends with her sisters and in laws and such so seeing her brilliant postings are not going away Delete them, too. You were only 'friends' with them because of her, so there is no point anymore. You dont have to say anything, just un-friend them and be done with it. Trust me, theyll understand. Whatelse should I say if anything? Again, say nothing, do whats good for you. Dont spend so much time worrying about how anyone else interprets your actions, just do what works for you at all times.
JaggedRoad Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 It may be best if you cut off all contact with her relatives. You don't have to do it right away, but maybe gradually. It depends on how well you can deal with being in contact with them.
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I can't handle it really but just deleting them seems immature without letting them know I still appreciate their friendship but I need time to heal.
NSW768 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 its tough man. its def tough, but i would and did delete all her relatives and stuff where i would see her, even though we were on good terms and i liked them. delete them. god forbid you have to hear about your ex's wedding or something in the future.
BCCA Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I can't handle it really but just deleting them seems immature without letting them know I still appreciate their friendship but I need time to heal. They arent your friends. They were friendly because of who you were dating, and Im certain they would understand your desire to distance yourself. You dont really want to detach, though, hence your hesitation. You have to let the idea of her coming back go, completely.
ecm Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I can't handle it really but just deleting them seems immature without letting them know I still appreciate their friendship but I need time to heal. I have an idea. Email them this: I just wanted to let you know why I'm deleting you from my friends... Then use your own words (see above)
Author ttriplett Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 I know Ive been annoying in letting go for some people, but today was the worst or maybe the best. I had a complete breakdown and cried for the first time since she left. I guess I finally realize its over. Not sure if it means I've given up on her or what, just crying for no reason for the last hour. Also might be I saw my life without her for the first time and it hurt.
ecm Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 You're not annoying It's good to cry. She needs space. I'd bet that's it. Chill- give it to her- no matter HOW HARD it is. xo
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