ttriplett Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 You say that you realized that there is only person out there for everyone. You are right there is. But im not her...how can i be when i met that somebody. (We broke up 3 weeks ago and shes been with him for1 1/2 weeks) You have no idea what it feels like. Its like staring at yourself at what you can be and who you used to be and who you are now. It is seeing others faults and loving them more for it. I feel like that with somebody else and never did with you. Im sorry but leave me alone. Yes I can read what shes saying but what do I do. The week before we broke up she was on the phone with a friend and she said I "was her home" then later the love of her life. I wanna email a response or call will it help any? Should I send this email or what I need to say something. How can you be? Ask yourself that, how was I the love of your life, and Home? Maybe you have it now with somebody. Maybe you have it with me and it scared you, so you ran and now this new relationships feels ten times stronger, because there are no flaws and faults after a week. I don't know. But I'll never know if I don't try. Its when someone is at there worst, the other shows there best to pick the other up. Both of us did that for each other. Putting your other in front of you is the ultimate display of love as we did. We can lecture each other, this and that. Its not going to help, I have to move on as well, I know. But I still don't want to see you hurt. I just care about you the person as well as what you meant to me in our relationship.
Double Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 She's dating someone else. She has those feelings for someone else. Sending her an email (especially after she asked you to leave her alone) will not get her back. I think you should not respond. Do as she asked and leave her alone. Sucks man.
Exit Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Just leave it alone, she gave you a pretty clear message. It's not your responsibility to teach her a lesson that ALL new relationships seem special and magical, and eventually she'll get bored with that one too. She has to learn that for herself.
Author ttriplett Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 so there is nothing i can say that will help anything in the future?
rainbowsandkittens Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 my ex told me i felt like home too. and you know what? we're still broken up. people say things. maybe they mean them at the time, maybe they mean them for always, maybe they don't mean them at all. you never know. but what she is saying, now, is that she doesn't want to be in contact with you anymore. i know it hurts like hell. it hurts me for you. but the truth is nothing you say is going to make her come back. in fact the more you say the more it's going to upset her and do the exact opposite of what you want. go back to being nc and start the healing process.
NSW768 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 ou say that you realized that there is only person out there for everyone. You are right there is. But im not her...how can i be when i met that somebody. (We broke up 3 weeks ago and shes been with him for1 1/2 weeks) You have no idea what it feels like. Its like staring at yourself at what you can be and who you used to be and who you are now. It is seeing others faults and loving them more for it. I feel like that with somebody else and never did with you. Im sorry but leave me alone. holy **** dude? that is what she wrote? that is tough and mean. leave this, you deserve more. wow. what a bitch. she will regret this i tell yo but there is nothing you can say now. NOTHING
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Thx, It is very hurtful. Im just so confused by it all. Shes had moments before of saying some nasty things, but this hurt. And for her to find someone else a week later and fall in love a week after that. She says to her sister he is her inspiration and the one. Is it real or hiding her feelings into somehting that feels good now?
Exit Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 It really doesn't matter why she's doing this, you need to stop questioning it. These are questions that you are never going to get answers to, and sitting there pondering it is just going to prevent you from moving on. Trust me, I've been there before, I tried to find hope in my ex's words and actions, but all it led to was wasting 5 months of my life chasing her before giving up. Research "serial monogamists". People who jump from one serious relationship to another. They leave one partner and move onto the next just as heartlessly as someone who sleeps around, yet they do it with long term, emotional relationships.
GrayClouds Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 It sucks, Doing the following is your best course of action: So you want a second chance?
NSW768 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 It is seeing others faults and loving them more for it. wtf does that even mean? cut her off and move on. your better off.
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 thats what I thought, what faults does this guy have in a week?
NSW768 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 she sounds like a confused, immature, and downright horrible person. i think during these times we have to forget who that person is who we fell in love with and look at this new person and say, who the f are you? and kinda know that this is who they are now and we cant change them, and even if we could, this moment would forever be in our minds so if we got them back, we would always have doubts they would go back to this (leaving, cheating) so whats the point?
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 thats the hard part decifering whether she is this horrible or just this confused. She has a lolt of trauma from childhood. Im so torn with my emotions towards it all.
ecm Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 She's full of it. A week and 1/2 with this new guy ?! Less than a month after she said those nice things to you? She's a b*tch for telling you things that could hurt your feelings, but take it as a gift. For me, it's much easier to get over someone if they're mean. I hope it's the same for you. Save that email so that when she realizes what a jerk she was, you can rephrase it back at her. (not that being vindictive is the most mature thing to do.... but maturity isn't always necessary)
TheLoneSock Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 You say that you realized that there is only person out there for everyone. You are right there is. But im not her...how can i be when i met that somebody. (We broke up 3 weeks ago and shes been with him for1 1/2 weeks) You have no idea what it feels like. Its like staring at yourself at what you can be and who you used to be and who you are now. It is seeing others faults and loving them more for it. I feel like that with somebody else and never did with you. Im sorry but leave me alone. Yes I can read what shes saying but what do I do. The week before we broke up she was on the phone with a friend and she said I "was her home" then later the love of her life. I wanna email a response or call will it help any? Should I send this email or what I need to say something. How can you be? Ask yourself that, how was I the love of your life, and Home? Maybe you have it now with somebody. Maybe you have it with me and it scared you, so you ran and now this new relationships feels ten times stronger, because there are no flaws and faults after a week. I don't know. But I'll never know if I don't try. Its when someone is at there worst, the other shows there best to pick the other up. Both of us did that for each other. Putting your other in front of you is the ultimate display of love as we did. We can lecture each other, this and that. Its not going to help, I have to move on as well, I know. But I still don't want to see you hurt. I just care about you the person as well as what you meant to me in our relationship. Lol dude she is talking out of her ass. You can't possibly take her seriously. What is she in 7th grade? Been with the guy not even two weeks and he's the one? Haha... I laughed out loud when I read that. Seriously though F her lol, she sounds EXTREMELY immature. You can do better, you might not feel like it right now, but you will do better than her later on.
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I thought it was a joke at first just a way to hurt me, but she really believes it somehow. Yes she is immature even for 22. It doesn't make it easier. I dont even know why we really broke up, lol. But i think she is hurt and confused or just crazy ,maybe to jump on someone else that quickly. And the guy is no better telling her they were meant for each other. She thinks its real though because her sister msm me today and didnt even know about the guy until today when she looked at her fb messages.
quarterlifecrisis Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Bro, that guy is a complete rebound. She is acting immature and in my mind, purposefully trying to edge you on. The best thing you can do is to do the opposite of what she expects (which is a crazy reaction or a desperate email like the one you've drafted). Don't bother responding and just disappear. Or say something along the lines of "After thinking this over, you are absolutely right. We should be broken up. I'm going to give you your space." Then drop off completely. Girls react when you don't "need" them anymore. Chances are, after a few weeks with this not-so-perfect guy and you ignoring her, she will begin to miss you. She may even initiate contact. More importantly though, you'll probably have moved on a bit.
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 When we first broke up I actually did that, I tried for a day or two to call her and text her then she sent me a text saying ur not the one for me, I love you but as a friend. Sorry, i will always be there for you. I messaged her next day and said I thought alot about it and she was right. I love you and I wish u nothing but the best. She called me immediately and left message said I have til the end of the day to get of the family plan. So i tried to do that and she wouldnt release the number so i suspended my phone. We've never spoke since, except the two emails yesterday. and her pictures and comments of her inspiration in life. Did she want me to go fight after her or leave her alone. Did I blow it by not running to her or going after this new guy? I dont play games. IS NC the best bet and for how long?
PinkToes Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I know you're hurting and I'm really sorry you're going through this. Honestly, I read your earlier post and I think this girl is kinda nuts. It sounds like some of the stuff she was saying and doing earlier, while you were still together, was selfish and cruel. That just isn't the way you treat people you care about! The thing about her last message is that there is absolutely no reason for her to say any of that. She could have chosen to ignore you or ask you politely to not contact her anymore. Really, no matter what she's been through in the past, there is no excuse for what she said to you. The guy she's with is a total rebound, and when that doesn't work out, she'll find another rebound, and probably decide on the first date that she wants to have the guy's kids. Until the next one comes around. I know it hurts so bad right now, but honestly, you deserve so much better than this girl. Please don't contact her, at all. Take it one day at a time, if that helps. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she came crawling back to you at some point. You can cross that bridge when you come to it. But meanwhile, stay strong and remember how it really was; who she really is. That mindset will put you in a much stronger position if/when she comes to her senses. Take care.
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Just as you wrote I was getting ready to do something stupid and text her. She just posted on her fb somehting about her having new bf meet her sisters husband and they are too alike, and both passed out on the floor. I met teh brother in law and he's a solid dude do anything for the family and probably did get wasted if its a holiday, but really is that what kinda man she wants one that passes out on the floor? I still wanna call and wish her luck and hope she is happy. But instead I delted her fb.
PinkToes Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 AWESOME!!! Good for you. You sound like such a decent guy, I can understand your wanting to wish her well. But she really doesn't deserve it; not with the way she's acting right now. And if you contact her with sarcasm or stoop to her level, she wins. You're much better off taking the high road. She'll realize soon enough that the current guy isn't so perfect. But like someone else said, that's her stuff; it's her cross to bear. Honestly, she's messed up. Hang in there. Stay stong. You will get through this little nightmare, with your self respect intact. I'm sure of it. Just take it a bit at a time.
Author ttriplett Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Im so corny, its funny though. Im still shattered by this and how she can mov on so quickly but part of me is like happy for her if she really is happy. Sad huh? But im also scared for her getting hurt, but if shes introducing him to the family already she must really like him.
WiseOne1 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) Well first you must understand what a "rebound relationship" is and what signs are there of a rebound relationship. This is normal, rebound relationships rarely ever happen without immediate feeling, or at lest projecting immediate feelings. Your ex barely knows the guy and says she's in love, she seems to be masking something, a normal relationship takes months or years to start admitting love, do weeks or days, and this definitely shows that it's a rebound relationship. Edited October 12, 2009 by WiseOne1
ecm Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) Im so corny, its funny though. Im still shattered by this and how she can mov on so quickly but part of me is like happy for her if she really is happy. Sad huh? But im also scared for her getting hurt, but if shes introducing him to the family already she must really like him. She isn't REALLY moving on. I hate to sound cliche, or say things that other people say on here, but she is a commitment phobe. I used to do the same thing. I was with my first real boyfriend for 6 years. From 17-23 years old. Once we got older, and things started to seem real, I would freak out & run once in a while. It was usually when things were GOOD. One day we literally walked out of a restaurant holding hands and skipping (yes SKIPPING) We were happy, young, in love, etc. It was like a cheesy movie moment. Anyway, I got in the car and said "I need a break." WTF, right? Well, when things get good, some people get scared. To me, that's what it sounds like. I'm not making excuses for her, but I've been there. I don't know if she's TRULY a b*tch or not, but that email was not nice. STILL, I don't think she meant it. She might THINK she means it, and she might THINK she is doing you a favor by being mean on purpose so you'll hate her. I guess my tone has changed since I responded last night. I just don't like to say things in case I'm wrong. So, it's probably better for you to hate her. It's probably better for you to RUN b/c commitment phobes are a NIGHTMARE to deal with. But, I know where you are coming from in being sad/ in love even though you wished she'd choke on a chicken bone. So, my advice is RUN...but in the back of your head know she is lying...and still run. She'll be back. Your job is to either get over it, or be prepared to make her WORK on it now before it turns into a pattern of behavior that is even MORE of a NIGHTMARE to deal with. Edited October 12, 2009 by ecm
NSW768 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 not to jack the thread but what you just said ecm is what i think is happening with my girl. twice in the last year she needed space. the first time she came back. this 2nd time she hasnt (yet). and it always happens when things are good.
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