poppy13 Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 This guy and I have been seriously dating for six months. I guess things are going good now, we even just had a talk about stepping our relationship up. Problem is, we don't have sex that often. We are at an average of like once a week yet we hang out at least 3 or 4. I have a relativey high sex drive so it's making me act all insecure when we're together. Even worse, I think me acting this way is hurting the relationship....I'm just so use to the guy having the bigger sex drive? Could it be that he's not that sexually attracted to me or are some guys just like this?
Double Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Who initiates? Are you initiating and he's turning you down, or does he do the initiating, just not as often as you'd like?
Author poppy13 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) When we do have sex, 90% of the time it's him who initiates it. I really like it when he steps it up! I just wish he'd do it more often There have been times were I have initiated it and he's gone along with it, but there was no passion! I don't want half-assed sex Edited October 11, 2009 by poppy13
Double Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Well if he initiates and doesn't turn you down when you initiate, then I'd say you're just sexually incompatible. You can talk to him about it, or you can break up with him.
alphamale Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Could it be that he's not that sexually attracted to me or are some guys just like this? it could be either one of those or both...you'll have to ask him to find out definitively
Author poppy13 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 Double, what's weird is that (when we are both in the mood) the sex is great. Which makes this whole situation more confusing. alpha, I have a feeling if he wasn't sexually attracted he would never actually admit it. If that were really the case, I'm wondering why he's still in this?
alphamale Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 alpha, I have a feeling if he wasn't sexually attracted he would never actually admit it. If that were really the case, I'm wondering why he's still in this? maybe he masturbates a lot and sex once per week it enough for him. but i will tell you that in my relationships the more i was attracted to the woman the more i wanted sex.
Author poppy13 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) he does masturbate a lot! even before he met me...ugh. he asks me why I never do it, but it's just not my thing. everything else abut this relationship is solid. We spend a lot of time togeter, he takes me out on dates, and even says he wants to step things up between us. is this really a good enough reason to dump someone? Edited October 11, 2009 by poppy13
Beefy88 Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 I had a few relationships where I "didn't want everything to revolve around sex". I saw my GF about 3 - 4 times a week also, and we had sex about once or twice in two weeks. She was also very confused about it, but there was no point to. I've also noticed that I was motivating my lack of interest in sex by saying that I didn't want sex to be the main drive in our relationship, but actually it was more because we WERE sexually incompatible, this can be resolved by alot of talking and discussing ones needs. I now have a very healthy sex-life, we talk about what we'd like and DISlike mainly, and this evolves into better sex almost every week. Maybe you should try experimenting, go with him to some sexstore, buy a couple of books with information about erotic massages and handlings and you'll definatly learn alot out of it. Even if it doesn't help you in this relationship, it will help you in the next! x
alphamale Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 he does masturbate a lot! ah ha!!! is this really a good enough reason to dump someone? no
Author poppy13 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 haha yeah I probably shouldve included that little fact in the first post. So what do I do?! Tell him to stop masturbating. I kinda jokingly said that one and he said something along the lines of "I don't think you'd want that" Yes, I do want that. But at the end of the day it's his d*ck
alphamale Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 haha yeah I probably shouldve included that little fact in the first post. So what do I do?! Tell him to stop masturbating. I kinda jokingly said that one and he said something along the lines of "I don't think you'd want that" Yes, I do want that. But at the end of the day it's his d*ck maybe you should dress up like one of those tramps in the porn videos
Author poppy13 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 thanks everyone. this is definitely a tough situation. Even though the relationship is going well, the sex thing is still a big part of it. I know he's going through a rough time in other aspects of his life (outside of us) so I plan to be patient. I just hope it improves over time. The sex store and porn isn't really my thing. I wouldn't mind doing that once in a while, but not as an effort to solve my sexual frustrations.
alphamale Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 The sex store and porn isn't really my thing. thats a shame cause it would most likely perk up your sex life...
boogieboy Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Poppy his masterbating is what is killing his sex drive. If he does it to porno, then he might be a porn addict, andtheres nothing you can do about it if its not what he wants. I say bail.
Author poppy13 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) Really? We're both in our early twenties so I though sex drive would be enough. I didn't know that was a normal practice in relationships. Let's just say I grew up in a very conservative family. I guess I could be open to new things.... boogie, if we were only a few weeks into this then I'd consider bailing. But we've been together for a while and I've grown feelings for him. Maybe it is doomed, but I'd rather try than just give up. Edited October 11, 2009 by poppy13
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 My most recent xbf had a low drive. But it wasn't related to masturbation. He just didn't have much of an interest in it. It didn't get better. And it DID affect our relationship because sex is how I bond. So I guess in a secondary kind of way, it caused me to want to break up. In your case, I think you should talk to him about his masturbation - it's affecting the relationship. It's up to him if he wants to change, though. He's probably just not aware of the problem.
You'reasian Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) My most recent xbf had a low drive. But it wasn't related to masturbation. He just didn't have much of an interest in it. It didn't get better. And it DID affect our relationship because sex is how I bond. So I guess in a secondary kind of way, it caused me to want to break up. In your case, I think you should talk to him about his masturbation - it's affecting the relationship. It's up to him if he wants to change, though. He's probably just not aware of the problem. Women are wishy washy about sex. If I want it alot, I get complaints thats all I wanna do. If I get busy and am unavailable, I'm not doing it enough...lol. Edited October 12, 2009 by You'reasian
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Women are wishy washy about sex. If I want it alot, I get complaints thats all I wanna do. If I get busy and am unavailable, I'm not doing it enough...lol. If you're comparing one woman to another woman, then I'd agree. Every woman is going to have a different drive than the last. I went from my sex-addicted XH (who would seriously have only been satisfied with multiple times per day every damn day) to my xbf that would have been happy with once every other week. Jeebus. Can I not find a happy-****ing-medium? LOL It's just a matter of finding somebody whose drive matches your own. More importantly, though, the woman wants to feel like you appreciate her outside of having sex with her. Turn her on outside the bedroom, first. If I feel appreciated outside the bedroom, it makes me that much more receptive inside the bedroom (although - to be fair, I'm not limited to "bedroom" for that activity...LOL).
Lusitan Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) Let me see if I get this straight. You have a relatively high sex drive, yet, he's the one who initiates sex 90% and you are complaining? how about you woman - up and jump his bone instead of waiting for the man(in this relationship or the other) to do everything? My father always told me that if you want something, you go after it. Strangely enough, if Humans had waited on their butts for things to happen, we'd still be living in the Stone Age . Well, 'You're Asian', if the woman complains, all you have to do is dump her and find another woman. Quite easy to deal with a complaining female . Edited October 12, 2009 by Lusitan
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