11bgentleman Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 What is a good way to keep your focus at work while going through a divorce? I feel like my work is suffering while I am going through this. I am worried that I will loose my job. Any ideas?
lol_funny Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 I am an all or nothing kind of guy. So maybe by completely throwing yourself into work, setting higher targets, getting in earlier in the morning even if it is to just have a coffee and read the paper, you can use work to distract you from home. If work is going well, it will have a stabalising effect on the rest of your life. You will still feel in control. Even more than that, a good work ethic will boost your self esteem, & we all need that during this tough times.
Bullydog1982 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 11bGentleman, Hey, how ya holding up? I went through my own divorce about a year ago and found myself in a similar situation. Below I’ve typed some of what I did and the results. Perhaps you can take something from it and tailor it to your situation and find what suits you best. There’s no real right answer but, here it goes….. Initially I threw myself at my work. I started coming in earlier, working through lunches and staying later. I even made myself on call and would call on my days off to check on my subordinates to see how the office was running and give direction when needed. This was great, for a while. My productivity level substantially increased and I felt as though I established what I had initially lost – control. This was short lived. I then began to experience worker fatigue. It wasn’t something I initially noticed but over time it all added up. What I was able to accomplish in 8 to 12 hours took me a minimum of 12 to 14, sometimes even multiple days. What that told me was that those long extra hours weren’t giving me an edge or making me more productive, it just allowed me to maintain at what I initially started at. This was, in itself, counterproductive. I did the following and over time it helped me find a healthy balance at my work. 1. Focus on a specific task for 50 – 55 min. Don’t let anything else bother you, just focus on the given work task/s. At the end of that 50 – 55 min, stop everything you’re doing and take a break for 5 - 10 min. Purposely make yourself get up, walk around, stretch, surf the net, get some water, eat a healthy snack and use the restroom. It doesn’t matter how focused you are, make yourself stop and do something non-work related. Then come back and go straight at your next task for the next 50 – 55 mins. 2. Find a peaceful place to go during your lunch break. Even if you’re not hungry, take that lunch break. By purposely removing myself from my work environment (and my co-workers to an extent – they always wanted to ask me questions or talk shop) I was able to focus more when I returned. I used my hour to eat, read, listen to up lifting music, take a quick cat nap and talk to my family and friends about their day. 3. Cut out all junk food and soda. If it’s crap, cut it out. Eat smaller, healthier, more proportion meals throughout the day. Instead of a candy bar, try eating a banana or apple with peanut butter. Instead of scarffing a donut, try a granola bar and string cheese. I like to ensure I’m getting some sort of protein in most of my meals (I exercise a few times a week so it helps). I also realized how much I love ice cold water and after a while, I started to crave it. I’m not saying to not indulge in the other junk, I still do, but most of my work meals are more towards the healthier side. It’s funny because if you can cut out all soda or caffeinated or carbonated beverages for 2 months you’ll notice you’ll start going through small with drawls. These will subside and when you do try drinking one of them, it’ll make you sick to your stomach 4. Leave work at work, and home at home. This is easier said than done. Becareful who you talk to about the divorce because people can use it against you. 5. This is not work related but on you’re off time find time for you. Going to the gym will do wonders for you. Get some hobbies, spend time with friends, learn to be you and be happy doing it! I also initiated a limited form of NC with my then STBXW (and now my XW) and only dealt with her on the divorce and nothing more. Maybe throwing yourself at your job will work better than me. I guess I saw/see it as kind of the tortoise and the rabbit situation. You can go balls to the wall in a dead sprint to start – which will eventually lead you to getting tired and struggling across the finish line. Or you can stay at a consistent pace and gradually pick up more steam and finish strong. Whatever you decide, good luck, be yourself and be happy doing it. Bullydog1982
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