xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Well for those of you who dont know me on here, I was severely let down by a MM twice in 1 year, the most recent being the promise of a life in Rio together a few months back then he randomly dropped out of contact when I was all set to go! No explanation, nothing. Since then I have been...well actually not as depressed as I expected, just in limbo really. Thinking what could have been, and how I should be living the dream but instead Im still stuck in an average town doing an average job. All I do is go to work and come home again...alone. Extreme loneliness is something I have to cope with every day, and I am fed up of going to an empty bed at night. I want to be in a loving relationship. I have come to the conclusion that human beings are meant to be part of a family environment and by being perpetually single I am going against nature which I hate. I want to get married and have a family. Good news is, I have been attracted to 2 people since the MM which I didnt think was possible (I am the pickiest person ever and only had eyes for MM) but one was unrequited so nothing happened (typical) , the other I am kinda waiting on so fingers crossed it will work out. I went on a 2 week vacation with my sister in July when the brutal abandonment was still very raw. The trip did me the world of good in some ways although argued non stop with her due to being so bitter about my situation and managed to pick up swine flu which totally knocked me for six - still feeling fun down now (had to go for blood tests and everything) and I blame the stress of what MM put me through. Never again will I allow myself to get as worked up about something as I did the MM - Im trying to take care of my body as much as possible now.
blinded Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 (((hugs))) Time has passed but the pain is still there or else you/we wouldn't be here. I am sorry for the pain that he has caused you. People walk in and out of our lives and some make more of an impact than others. Either way, they will always be in our hearts. I understand about walking around in limbo and feeling numb. But you have to continue through this. Stop looking at what could have been and try looking forward. You story on the biggest mistake in life has been written, but your big love story has yet to be written. The best thing to do is learn from your mistake and move on. Your words 'extreme loneliness' caught my eye. Lately, I've felt that despite being in a crowded room full of friends, I still feel alone. I hope that those feelings would eventually subside. Have you tried IC of some sort? I don't know the specifics of your A, but counseling may help you work through things. From reading some posts, some are benefitting from it and it gives me hope.
desertmoon Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Good for you, HB! Here's to all the hot guys whose hearts your going to break! lol...I kid, I kid... Seriously, navigate carefully, I heard dating after a broken heart is tricky. Take care and sending good wishes your way!!!!!
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Good for you, HB! Here's to all the hot guys whose hearts your going to break! lol...I kid, I kid... Seriously, navigate carefully, I heard dating after a broken heart is tricky. Take care and sending good wishes your way!!!!! Hey I know its not going to be easy, the man I have my eye on right now seems a nice guy and keen to get to know me. But the way I was treated by MM seems to have scarred me emotionally, I get extremely paranoid that this new guy will break promises and not follow through on what he plans to do. Its very sad considering this guy seems an ok person, I dont want my paranoia to stop this potential 'thing' developing before it even starts. Also I am aware that I may have an air of sadness round me right now and inside I just feel desperate for love and sex but dont want to appear desperate. Heres hoping I wont mess this one up, and that the new man is genuine and will keep to his word when planning to do things with me.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 (((hugs))) Time has passed but the pain is still there or else you/we wouldn't be here. I am sorry for the pain that he has caused you. People walk in and out of our lives and some make more of an impact than others. Either way, they will always be in our hearts. I understand about walking around in limbo and feeling numb. But you have to continue through this. Stop looking at what could have been and try looking forward. You story on the biggest mistake in life has been written, but your big love story has yet to be written. The best thing to do is learn from your mistake and move on. Your words 'extreme loneliness' caught my eye. Lately, I've felt that despite being in a crowded room full of friends, I still feel alone. I hope that those feelings would eventually subside. Have you tried IC of some sort? I don't know the specifics of your A, but counseling may help you work through things. From reading some posts, some are benefitting from it and it gives me hope. Hey, thanks for the much needed virtual hug! Well I did have a session of therapy but it was too expensive so I couldnt afford to have any more. To be honest I have many underlying issues, some of which probably contributed to me getting into such a terrible situation with the MM, therefore it may take me several years before I sort my head out fully and right now I do not have the time/money to invest in doing so. Im hoping that getting into a loving relationship will help me no end. Hopefully this will happen soon. Ok so that might seem like Im sweeping the problems under the carpet, and also people say 'you cant love others till you love yourself', but really I am perfectly capable of giving love out, there is just so much love in me! If I do find love soon it will do me the world of good IMO. As for the loneliness, well Im not going to lie - its been dire. All I seem to do is go to work/come home (to empty bed) everyday then weekends are spent closing the front door on Friday after work and not coming out again until the following Monday morning. Really depressing, especially as all my roommates seem to have social lives. Again, if I had a loving relationship the loneliness would be cured. But I do understand that although you personally make the effort to go out, sometimes even being surrounded by friends can make you feel alone - like they are all having a good time yet you feel kind of miserable in your own little world. Also that they wont understand your pain. Have you told many people about your A? Dont know your story in full, will have a read through your threads but seems as if you have made alot of progress with moving on.
fooled once Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Yes, you DO have to put yourself out there. Staying home night after night -- how do you think you will meet someone? Go bowling with a girlfriend. Go walk in the park on Saturday. Find free things to do -- every place has these things. This guy you were involved with was a loser from the start. After you disappeared the first time, you 'should' have realized he was nothing but a loser. Then he calls you and flips your world around with a bunch of empty promises. I don't understand WHY you allowed his words to have the effect and continue to have an affect on your life. I am willing to bet if he called you today with the same sort of nonsense, you would jump at it; knowing he is nothing but a liar. You are allowing him to have way too much control over you. The "affair' has been over with for well over a year. WELL over and it wasn't that much of an affair to begin with. I know he took care of you when you were healing. But he **** on you more times than we can all count and yet you still can't see him for what he is. That is what I feel you should work on -- why you devalue yourself so much and why you value him so much. He isn't worth the dirt on the bottom of your shoes. Get out there. Get out there and find a life. Get out there and ENJOY the life you were given. I wish you well.
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Yes, you DO have to put yourself out there. Staying home night after night -- how do you think you will meet someone? Go bowling with a girlfriend. Go walk in the park on Saturday. Find free things to do -- every place has these things. This guy you were involved with was a loser from the start. After you disappeared the first time, you 'should' have realized he was nothing but a loser. Then he calls you and flips your world around with a bunch of empty promises. I don't understand WHY you allowed his words to have the effect and continue to have an affect on your life. I am willing to bet if he called you today with the same sort of nonsense, you would jump at it; knowing he is nothing but a liar. You are allowing him to have way too much control over you. The "affair' has been over with for well over a year. WELL over and it wasn't that much of an affair to begin with. I know he took care of you when you were healing. But he **** on you more times than we can all count and yet you still can't see him for what he is. That is what I feel you should work on -- why you devalue yourself so much and why you value him so much. He isn't worth the dirt on the bottom of your shoes. Get out there. Get out there and find a life. Get out there and ENJOY the life you were given. I wish you well. Hey At least I see him for what he is now. Whatever his reasons for dropping out of contact with me and lying constantly, I say let him get on with it and stew in his own juice. Guarunteed hes not happy whatever the outcome has been, and its probably safe to say his wife isnt either. Oh well not my concern, like I mentioned above I am focusing on the hot new guy, just hoping it will work out for me. No I would not just drop everything for the MM again, too much water under the bridge now and how could I possibly give him the benefit of the doubt after all hes put me through?! He would have to have some FRONT to dare even think about contacting me again. I am occasionally going out, just not as much as Id like. At the moment it seems to be one Saturday night per month. If I had more friends/opportunity/money then of course I would go to the club much more than this.
fooled once Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 But you don't have to go to a club to meet people that was my point. Library Bowling Mall Heck, start checking out online dating sites. There are avenues out there to meet people. What are you doing to entice the new hot guy? Where did you meet him? Are you sure he is single
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 But you don't have to go to a club to meet people that was my point. Library Bowling Mall Heck, start checking out online dating sites. There are avenues out there to meet people. What are you doing to entice the new hot guy? Where did you meet him? Are you sure he is single Actually met him online, wasnt particularly looking to find anyone due to being so smitten with MM , I had been on the site for months with a view to making new friends - had literally thousands of emails from various guys but none interested me enough. That is, until said guy wrote to me, I was just drawn to him - hard to explain. Im pretty sure hes single, I know you cant always believe what people tell you - I learnt that the hard way!!! But he seems genuine, just hope my judgement of character has improved...
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