hbogie Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Quick recap. Wife left in July. She was having EA. I did all the usual mistakes in the beginning. 2 weeks ago tried to do the "friend" thing (she wants to)...but quickly realized I can't do that. Left her a note saying how I feel, either we stop this mess and start to rebuild or she can't be part of my life anymore.... no middle ground. Then I started strict NC. Only spoke once about "business" and cut it off when she wanted to do small talk. Done much soul searching. Realize my part this. Was a good husband, just ignored the "small" stuff. Wife suffers from depression. She also is misguided that someone else needs to make her happy, not that it has to come from within. I came the closest but no one could ever really fill that void for her. Think that's the big issue. I do know that the EA fell apart. She dated another guy (10 yrs younger college dude) for 2 weeks and he dumped her too. And that started a day after the EA flopped. (again desperate for someone to make her happy) I know she is struggling with her depression and anxiety since she left me. Isn't any happier than before she left. She is in therapy and meds. Also stuggling making it on her own (never lived on own before). A friend of hers (who thinks she is nuts and has tried to talk some sense into her) confided that she misses me, cares alot, etc, etc. She has nothing bad to say other than, other than I came and worked on the house too much (restoring an old house) Her friend also said what is it you want then? So she goes and lists her needs, wants, etc....friend says WTF? You had all that but the baby! STBXW says she knows....but. SO what's the problem then? STBXW says..."I don't know". Her friend says she def in la la land right now. Illusion of the knight in shining armor will come and.... fairytale bs. She is a good person deep down, but is VERY lost right now. Anyway...so my question is now that I'm in strict NC over a week now and she is at a stage where she doesn't have a distraction to hide from her feelings/emotions. Would dropping off a copy of The Divorce Remedy when she's not home do more damage than good? Would this go against NC? Leave a note to read certain parts? Highlight important things that apply to us and feelings she probably is having? Was thinking maybe wait another week before I do. Thanks for any imput.
JaneDoe35 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 hbogie, I am only new to this forum. So I am only going to advise you what I personally would or would not do. If I were you I would not drop off the book to her place at all. No Contact is apparently great to help you try & recover. If you call her and she is responsive you will feel hopeful. If you call her and she is dismissive you will feel devastated. I do not think you should contact her for a month at least. She is all over the place and you need to protect yourself from that craziness.
delajoonal Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 bogie... just wondering, has your wife ever been tested for bi-polar disorder? the things you posted sound MORE like BP then just depression and anxiety..and those 2 things don't make you nuts...so, i am wondering if BP is a possiblity? not taking W side for having EA and other sorts... my H had an online EA and left me for her...face book EA too... anyway...having said all that....i am really good at NC, i hate to break it..my H even tho he left, always finds a reason to text or call..me i only text when he forgets to the alimony..LOL.. but if you are trying to make it work with your W, ya i would def drop off the book..when she is NOT home..and hi lite those special areas you need her to see. some might disagree with me..and say move on..but i would like to think some have a chance..if we just keep trying..and you sound like you are not ready to give up?... so ya, drop off that book...IMHO..tho..
Gunny376 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 In a Singfield slow motion moment of "Nooooooooooo!" Do not, and I mean do not write, lean highlighted magazines, books, suggestions, whatever. The fact of the matter is? Most people and that includes men and women! Just are not cut out for LTR's Even with factoring out OCD, depression, drugs, alcohol, any and all other mental and emotional defects? People just get tired of one another. What they once found attractive? They now find annoying!
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