Cheaters will ALWAYS take advantage of your trust if you give it to them again

[Bleed Internal]

Their dishonesty is an inherent character flaw and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can do to change it. You can look at my previous posts on here and see that I've really been through it with this particular girl over the past few months. You would think that after all of her crying, talk of how much she loves me and how I'm the only one for her and how she wants to marry me, and begging to be taken back, that things would change if she was given a second chance. Wrong.

 

Now, I don't easily forgive. We never assumed official relationship status again, but after a strong fallout and lots of talking and reconciliation, we got back together to some degree. We started spending time together again, going out again, having sex again, spending the night at each others' place, etc. Honestly, we were pretty much fully back together, but the pain of things that happened in the past stopped me from jumping back into a situation where I would be calling her my "girlfriend" again.

 

Throughout all of this, there was no question that we weren't to be talking to or involved with other people. The time we were spending together was a clear attempt to rebuild our relationship and restore trust. Something I never thought I'd do with a cheater, but I loved this girl. Well, one day I noticed some upsetting texts between her and this guy. I confronted her about it and she promised to never talk to him again. She had some semi-believable excuse as to why she was texting him (as she always does when she gets caught) and I didn't believe her, but I let it slide. A couple weeks later I notice that she's texting him again. Big argument, but I let her wiggle her out of that one too.

 

So our two year anniversary comes up the other day. It was kind of weird, because what were we celebrating, our failed relationship? Nevertheless, we were together and it only made sense to do something. Surprisingly, the day went really really well. We spent the entire day together, only taking a break when we went to go get dressed at our places before we started drinking and went out for the night.

 

She gets to my place and we're both dressed nice, drinking, kissing, feeling great, and generally having a really fun time. Then she gets a text and when she pulls out her phone to check it, I instinctively look at her phone. I instantly noticed the guy's number and grabbed the phone from her. Not only do I see that they've been texting, but he is in town staying with a friend of hers, and she'd seen him and drank with him right before she came over to my place. He was texting her about how sexy she looked and she responded "I'm gonna need more than sexy." While I was looking at the texts, he started calling. I answered: "Sorry dude, but I'm f**king her, I've been f**king her, I f**ked her three times today in fact, so you really have no chance. But you can have her if you want because I'm done with her."

 

I calmly proceeded to kick her out of my place and went and did my own thing that night. She probably called me 500 times after that but I ignored them all. The next day she claimed that she was drunk and doesn't remember why she texted that, which I'm sure is a lie. There has been lots of uncontrollable crying and pleading on her part, but it's not working on me this time. I know she loves me and I know she didn't f**k another guy this time, but after what we've been through, honesty and full disclosure is the most important thing to me. I can't continue on with this "relationship" knowing that these types of things are still present, still issues. Especially because the guy she cheated on me with started out as someone she was just texting, who was "nobody." She lost me with this one and that's usually so hard for me to come to terms with, but the decision couldn't have been easier this time.

 

I'm over it. I'm over her. Am I right, though?

Edited October 11, 2009 by Bleed Internal

[harmfulsweetz]

You're right to let her go, she's not worth it.

 

I don't agree with your header though, because not all cheaters are like her. I'm not. I cheated once, and wouldn't ever do it again, especially not since I've only just managed to regain his trust.

[hopesndreams]

I think you did the right thing. Let's face it, you never truly forgave her the 1st time and even after getting back together you didn't consider her your girlfriend. Something was broken between the both of you and couldn't be fixed.

 

If your not prepared to go the distance when getting back with a cheater, then plain don't bother. It takes alot of work from both to try to make it right. And in the end, it isn't even worth it for most. Some manage but the majority don't.

[Devil Inside]

I think that you were in a no win situation with that one.

 

I think there are two kinds of cheaters...some that do it once...and some that do it many times. There are also people that do it more then once, but only to the same person.

 

Either way, seems she was one of the last two...so probably not going to work for you two...sorry.

[Bryanp]

You are totally correct. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. Her actions clearly indicate that she has absolutely no respect for you or your relationship. She is in a pattern where she promises you one thing and then does another. She has and is constantly lying to you. She thinks that since you love her all she has to do is cry and you will take her back. She feels she is able to to see other men behind your back and make you look like a fool but also able to have a steady boyfriend (you) who can take care of her.

 

In short, she loves having a boyfriend and seeing other men behind your back. Her actions clearly show again that deep down she has no respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Enough is enough!

[seibert253]

Can figure out why you forgave her the first, and maybe the second, but after she said she would stop texting him, lied, and continued you still kept her around. Well you learned a valuable lesson.

 

Get on your knees and thank God you didn't marry this one.

[You'reasian]

Its good that you found out she isn't really into the relationship.

 

Did she accuse you of being jealous?

[New_Life08]

Their dishonesty is an inherent character flaw and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can do to change it.

 

Wow! This seems all too familiar. I am sorry this happened, but you are right on. She texts "I need more than sexy?" She wants a relationship, but obviously don't want to lose the excitement and attention of being free. When are people going to learn that they can't have it both ways? When are they going to learn what a costly mistake they make when they choose to betray the one they "love"?

 

I don't get it either! The emotional confessions of their undying love, the promises, the reassurance....only to repeat the out of sight, out of mind behavior.

 

I can understand this from a person who has been indifferent and distant in a relationship, but not from someone who claims you are the love of their life. It seems they are living a double life and beyond what we could ever fix. like you say, this kind of compulsive deception is an inherent character flaw that we cannot change. Sadly, it is something the person cannot change either...without (intense) psychological help.

 

Hang in there...you did the right thing. Be well.

[isabella1990]

I don't agree with your header though, because not all cheaters are like her. I'm not. I cheated once, and wouldn't ever do it again, especially not since I've only just managed to regain his trust.

Agree... reminds me of a joke:

 

A young man moves to a village in Wales and gets talking to an old man from the village. He asks the old man what his name is; the old man gets very irate at this point and says: "See that line of houses over there? I built them all, but do they call me Jones the house builder? Do they hell! See those railway lines over there? I laid them all, but do they call me Jones the engineer? Do they hell! See those bridges over that river? I built them all, but do they call me Jones the bridge builder? Do they hell! But, a long long time ago, I f*cked *one* sheep..." :laugh:

 

Cheating once (especially when it could just be a moment of weakness) doesn't necessarily make you a cheater... if you cheat enough to create a pattern, well then you might have a problem

 

Just ask Jones the bridge builder.

 

 

 

To the OP, sorry for your situation, and good for you for being strong, seriously.