tfkizzle Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 This guy has "officially" been my boyfriend for a couple of months; we dated and knew each other for a lot longer though. Clearly, I think he's good looking and find him attractive. I think that he is confident, has good self-esteem, and perceives himself to be good looking also. However, he keeps (jokingly) saying things like: "If you still love me in 6 months we'll..." and "If in 6 months you haven't realized you're way to hot for me then..." He says stuff like this maybe once every couple weeks-ish, and I'm beginning to wonder if I should be reading something into this. I know if I asked him he'd just say something along the lines of he's joking. Once he mentioned me being too hot for him and I disagreed and he said that people have said that to him (although maybe they were teasing him?). It doesn't bother me exactly that he says things like this, but I'm not sure what to make of it, and won't get a clear answer from him. Thoughts?
Left in a Lurch Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 I'm pretty sure he is fishing to find out how much you like him. Chances are he dated a girl or two that everything was going really well and all the sudden they just disappeared or lost interest in the past. If his pattern of dating is that everything generally goes well but doesn't work out over time, he is waiting for the other shoe to drop with you. Most women even if they lose interest fake it for a while and do such a convincing job, it seems like everything is going great and for no reason at all the woman drops you. Everyone but the guy will know she is 100% not interested. While she may not be very interested from the beginning, the faking interest makes it look like when it ends, fate somehow stepped in and wouldn't let him find something that will last. Face it, if you had 2 or 3 guys cheat on you, the next guy you date will have the task of somehow proving he won't cheat on you because your frame of reference is that all guys will cheat on you at some point, it's just a matter of when. Keep in mind he is giving you a compliment when he says those things too.
lab_brat Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 He's a little bit insecure, and wants to know whether you see a future in your relationship.
Author tfkizzle Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 Chat Room Hero, I think that generally you're correct, and the advice I'm taking away from your post is still the same. But my bf doesn't have a dating history like the one you've described (being cheated on and dumped). He's never been cheated on, and he's pretty much always been the dumper. lab_brat, you're probably right. I'm not sure how to make him feel more secure about that though? When he talks about future-type stuff I go along with it, and bring it up myself sometimes...
mortensorchid Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 He's fishing for more information, firstly, and second he is insecure. I would be wary of him, as he seems like he is going to break things off. He is either trying to make you feel angry or frustrated enough to make you break it off so he doesn't have to, or he will eventually break it off because he doesn't feel secure enough. Maybe I'm wrong, but this sounds very much like a situation I was in years ago with a very insecure man. He was very high maintenance and depressed, always needed reassuring and coddling. He kept asking me things like "What will I mean to you in another five years? Ten years?", "I'm not good enough and you are, why do you want to be with me?". Well, he wouldn't lift a finger to come and visit me or even have enough guts to break it off on the phone (he lived in another state), but write me an email. It's now ten years later and our relationship means nothing to me. Just a suggestion. I hope I'm wrong about this.
TheLoneSock Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 I think he has a little bit of an insecurity issue. At the same time though he's complimenting you when he does these things, so just take the compliments. On another note, I was in a long term relationship with a girl like this. She, on numerous occasions, would say things like what you described above. In the end? She ended up dumping me. I think she took the break up harder though, she was slighty depressed. She may have done it as a pre-emptive strike, maybe she thought I was planning on breaking it off with her? (I wasn't). But she always alluded to things like what you talked about, in one fashion or another. The best thing you can do is stay confident about yourself, take the compliments, and dish them out to him when you can without showering him with praise. Find a balance.
Author tfkizzle Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 No offense, but I hope you two are wrong! It never occurred to me that his insecurity might get me dumped!
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