JaggedRoad Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 After nearly a month of NC, I decided to break the silence by sending her a text message asking her if I could call. I didn't get back a reply, but I think that in itself is enough of an answer.
Kaya Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Are you feeling okay? Sometimes we have to do these things as part of moving on. You may still hear back from her, but try not to think about it too much.
Author JaggedRoad Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 Yeah, I'm feel fine actually. I really doubt she'll reply; I disappeared on her a few weeks ago without saying a word.
lol_funny Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 I know its hard, for me the anticipation of seeing if she would reply was worse than the actual message when she did. Sometimes it takes them a while to think of what to say. If i didnt get a reply straight away, i use to turn off my phone and take a nap for a couple hours to stop myself from constantly checking it (and building up the importance of it in my head). If she doesn't respond at all, you just have to use it as motivation to get back with the NC and remember how you feel so nxt time you won't break it as easily....as much as it sucks!
blinded Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 After nearly a month of NC, I decided to break the silence by sending her a text message asking her if I could call. I didn't get back a reply, but I think that in itself is enough of an answer. After 3 weeks of NC I did the same thing. We parted on friendly terms and I thought, what the heck, it can't get any worse, right? WRONG. I was told through text that I was 'bothering' him. (sniff, sniff) I am worse now than when we first parted. Be glad that silence is her answer as opposed to something worse.
harmfulsweetz Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I think its normal to want to 'reconnect' or at times, to want to talk with that person, they were important then, so why not now? I would try not to dwell on it too much, she'll either get back to you, or she won't. Chances are, she's confused about it all, and may not know what to say. But just resume NC, and keep on as you were, focus your mind elsewhere.
Author JaggedRoad Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) I'll just resume NC or else my mind will wander off into the "what ifs." This is the first time in a very long time that I am at a loss for everything. Edited October 12, 2009 by JaggedRoad
adamt Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) We broke up over 4 months ago. her birthday was coming up 10 days later. I sent her a card, it was just a normal card. but it was hurting when i went out and lookign for a card. However, i felt I had to do it. to be sure in my own mind that it was over so i would not want to chase after her. i didnt get a response for the card, although she did thank me for a present i had bought her a few months earlier. i just replied that i was glad she liked it. then not heard from her since. but i needed to send that card and return the text to be sure that is was really over. SOmetimes i feel like breaking NC and giving in. But i know i just wont be able to deal with what i will hear and don't want her to hear me upset and desperate. If she had any doubts,regrets or 2nd thoughts then I am sure i would have known through her making contact or through a 3rd party. Edited October 12, 2009 by adamt
Author JaggedRoad Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Thank you for sharing that, adam. I have also thought about getting her something for the holidays and her birthday. Things have ended between us, but she was a very important person in my life. But like you, I don't know how I'll be able to deal with her response or the lack of.
northstar1 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Thank you for sharing that, adam. I have also thought about getting her something for the holidays and her birthday. Things have ended between us, but she was a very important person in my life. But like you, I don't know how I'll be able to deal with her response or the lack of. If I can offer my experience, don't send anything. You will just be tied to the response you get/don't get and that bitterness can linger longer than you think. I had broken up with my ex, last summer, and she was living far away. I held onto hope for a long time after the breakup and sent her a gift at xmas, with the expectation that it would be a litmus test to see if there was still something there. Well, she replied in a very neutral/buddy buddy tone that was as clear as day that there were no more feelings attached to it. Although it was a clear message to finally move on for good, it also left a lingering bitterness towards her for a few months. If I could go back, I wouldn't have sent it. No point.
adamt Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Thank you for sharing that, adam. I have also thought about getting her something for the holidays and her birthday. Things have ended between us, but she was a very important person in my life. But like you, I don't know how I'll be able to deal with her response or the lack of. I agree with northstar1 i would not send anything , but my break up was fresh and i had to do it. I was in a state, i was nearly in tears looking for a card in a shop. My head was all over the place.The present was for a gig and bought 5 months ago, it was no use to me. but i wouldnt go out and get a present after splitting up. Looking back it probably wont have made any difference to if she would come back or not. SH eknew i had the present months ago and it would have been childish and immature to hold back on the ticket by sending her a text you have given her the benefit of the doubt. Ball is in her court, it is upto her to make the next move. meanwhile jsut think about how you are going to keep yourself busy. Only reason you should send something is if it will give you closure if you get an answer you dont want
Kaya Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 But like you, I don't know how I'll be able to deal with her response or the lack of. If you're not 100% sure of something, then it's often better to do nothing.
angelface78 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I broke 3 months of NC. It wasnt worth it but in a way...hearing him say "im ok rigt now im sorry" has killed the hope. Sometimes we are stubborn and just gotta hear mean and hurtful things in order to get it into our thick heads. It hurts i know..now you broke NC and she might not respond. Just keep going....go back into NC. Shake it off!! You can do it...be strong!!
Lamak Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I spoke to my ex today, it was pretty bad. It's hard to avoid her when we go to the same (rather small) school. Sent her a rather neutral email and I hopped back on the NC horse. She'll most likely talk to me again sooner or later. I won't give her information and I won't disclose. I hate this. ;/
Nedved Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) Its a horrible horrible situation to be in when you take the chance and contact the ex and hear no reply!! I really feel for you and unfortunatley you gotta pick yourself up again now. In ways as harsh as it sounds your ex is doing you a favour not replying because shes not giving you false hope and has moved on with her life. I know its ignorant and cold but what difference will it make hearing from her? It'l more than likely not what you want to hear anyway and its only making the pain continue. Its a slap in the face and from today hopefully you can get back to NC. Totally agree with earlier posts and just forget the message now. If she gets back to you she gets back to but tell yourself she won't and as you said your failure to reply tells you everything. Now if she gets in touch with you today tomorrow, next month or whenever you remember how cold she was to you today not replying and how hurt you feel. Really think about that and bank that thought because a lot of the time they do come snooping for information after a while feeling a bit sentimental. Hopefully you'l feel in a stronger position to deal with it IF she dose and give her a taste of her own cold medicine. But either way you just gotta put this down to experience and get back on the horse. Edited October 12, 2009 by Nedved
Author JaggedRoad Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 I don't think I can honestly do that to her--making her have a taste of her own medicine. But you're right, it won't really make a difference if she does reply to me. I really hate how break-ups become a game of tug-o-war between the dumper and dumpee. Why does it have to be this way?
lonelypiscesguy Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I broke NC Oct. 8th. I just HAD to let her know that I didn't mean the terrible things I said that prompted her to tell me, "No calls and no emails!" I emailed after 4 months. She called the day after her BDay (Aug. 16) using *67. Even though it said restricted, I just KNOW it was her. Same thing happened a few weeks later. So we exchanged a few pleasant emails, she asked what else I had been up to, how was work, etc. She is going through something similar to what I went through recently, my ex wife died, my first love, and her first love is dying of some liver condition. So, in my last email, I told her again, I wished things could have been better and that I wish her love, happiness and joy. The healing for me came when she said, "We both could have behaved better." We were both a little...jerky at times. She will always be in the back of mind, just as she had been since we met in high school. Sometimes breaking NC can be therapeutic!
Nedved Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 JaggedRoad If she texts today i have no doubt you'l reply as we prob all would as your still healing and missing her. But in time you'l see things different and won't be as emmotional about her. You'l be surprised how very strong you'l become. I know how you feel and it is a tug of war after a break up but just leave it now and try and forget about the message. She still cares about you as shes not going to hurt you by giving you false hope. If she did'nt care about you she would keep contacting you stringing you along. she has'nt done that and some day i'm sure she'l look back with fond memories of her time with you. Its human nature and she won't forget you. lonelypiscesguy In your case i think you needed to say sorry for hurtful remarks to put you mind at ease and prob did'nt expect a reply but it was a nice thing to do and for you breaking NC was worthwhile because you got closure a few weeks later when she also said her behaviour was'nt great either. Glad to hear that helped you with your healing process.
Author JaggedRoad Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 I actually texted my ex with the intention to apologize for my behavior as lonleypiscesguy (hey, I'm pisces too!) had. Maybe I should have just said sorry instead of asking her if I could call.
Author JaggedRoad Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 (edited) I broke NC two more times since I started this post. Yesterday was the last time I contacted her (on MSN) and I told her that we should never contact each other again. I doubt she cared or even saw the message, but I felt like I needed to make it "official." I just deleted my messenger programs off my desktop, so there will be no more attempts at contacting her through those media. Using online messenger programs was something that I only reacquainted myself with after I met my ex. There's no real need for them anymore seeing as how she's out of the picture now I've disconnected myself from pretty much everything in the past 12 months for personal reasons (irresponsible nonetheless). Hopefully I'll start climbing out of this hole at a more respectable pace once I return to school. It has been over 2 months since the actual break-up. I have been taking my time walking through that fog of emotions because I really didn't want to get out of it just so I can hold onto the last remaining pain that connected me to her. All I can say is that this whole situation has been a really sad and unfortunate end to something that was always at risk of collapsing, but I never thought it would end the way it did and I never thought I could be so overwhelmed by all those emotions. I have been under a lot of stress due to other incidents that happened this year and the break-up just pushed me beyond my limit. But I've learned and remembered a lot of important lessons through this entire ordeal. I'm hoping that this will never happen again by any means. Edited October 20, 2009 by JaggedRoad
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