lol_funny Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Hi, I have been lurking for some time but never posted until now. Basically, i was head over heels for a girl (first love) and we were together for about 3 years (practially living together) at uni. Anyway, we split in summer 2008 and I am afraid i am still coming to terms with it now... During the relationship we had alot of issues, it was very unstable and intense in emotion. So without doubt it was unhealthy, we must have split and got back together at least 15 times over the 3 years (I know) so when we finally did split for good last summer, it was hard to believe if it was real or not. Basically, we had two main issues as I see it. I felt uncomfortable about her talking to other guys (insecure) and did not trust her. That was my contribution. On her side, she can be very cold/unforgiving and would literally not talk to after an argument for weeks until i backed down (silent treatment). Anyway, we broke up & it was very upsetting for both of us. I tried hard to maintain NC the last year, it was hard and I broke it about 4 times (and her about twice). Anyway, recently she tried to contact me after i said it was to painful to be friends. In the meantime, I had found she was talking/flirting with someone else. I feel like sending this will help me move on, cos she she was really hard on me during the break up and made me accept all responsibiliy for its downfall. Is it to harsh? DOes it show i'm not really over her even though I kno in myself we could never go back?? Thanks. I'll get straight to the point. Three things: 1. I don't know why you are contacting me & I don't really care. If i had to guess tho, I would proa bet alot of money that your reasons are selfish and more specifically things have gone to **** wit dat guy 'friend' of urs you spent da whole of last year throwing urself at, months after we broke up (yeh, afraid i did...told u fb was a bitch) & now you want somebody to make you feel better about things. I'm sure you had a good laugh wit ur friends for all da times i use to call u and tell u i love u(dnt ask me what i was thinkin) but thats over now, so you need to move on. 2. I would never let myself be second choice for anyone, ever. First off, please don't insult my intelligence by telling me that you don't know what i'm talking about. If you are, then jus don't reply, cos its tedious. So if you're gonna play dumb or try and make out it was all innocent then all you are doing is justifying my instincts to never trust YOU or ur friends. I don't blame you for wanting to move on, but i expected you to be honest with me & definitely dnt have the cheek to contact me when you get bored or whatever. More than that, im angry that you basically re-wrote our whole relationship history, told me I was a huge mistake and purposely **** on everything we ever had by talking to all these guy friends of urs right after we split as well as cussing me wenever you had a chance. Despite all dat, I stuck by you up until recently, cos i loved you you was my girl, but never again. The way i see it, you are already payin the biggest price, you have lost an amazing guy who would have stuck by u thru anything, forever. The funniest thing is you have changed so much and become so arrogant and bitchy, its the exact opposite of what you use to have goin for you. 3.You were just as much to blame as me. Our relationship wern't perfect, but it wasn't the worst either. We had alot of amazing times, and alot of difficult times. I kno i made alot of mistakes, but so did you. I was always willing to work on myself, you wern't. In fact, your selfish arrogant big head never even ****in looked at ur own behaviour and would just give me the silent treatment for as long as it took until i backed down even when i felt you were being unreasonable cos otherwise I would never hear from u again. No wonder i felt insecure in the relationship, actions speak louder than words and i never really feel like u showed me you loved me towards the end. Clearly u didn't. But whatever i don't love u no more & 2 can play that silent treatment game, in fact i bet i can go longer than you ( i can go forever) so why dnt u **** off and put me to the test, cos im so done wit ur bs
TheLoneSock Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 What you don't say will be a lot more powerful than what you do say. Silence is golden. Let your actions speak for you. Don't send it, move on with your life, get closure through success with yourself. Don't ever talk to her again. The best revenge is being better.
Author lol_funny Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 yeah i do agree with what u say. but basically i jus wanted her to know that i found out she was flirting with her guy friend, cos this was a major sore point when we were together (she made me feel SO bad about being insecure about it, said they were like her brothers and i was paranoid - all of which i accepted). Now...maybe i was right and felt guilty for so long for no reason?
TheLoneSock Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 yeah i do agree with what u say. but basically i jus wanted her to know that i found out she was flirting with her guy friend, cos this was a major sore point when we were together (she made me feel SO bad about being insecure about it, said they were like her brothers and i was paranoid - all of which i accepted). Now...maybe i was right and felt guilty for so long for no reason? That may be true, and you have a right to feel that way about her making you insecure. But sending that won't help your situation at all. Just let it be, you'll get your validation later. Cut her off and do your best to move on that you can. The less contact with her, the better your situation will be.
GrayClouds Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 You will sound winny, bitter and angry It will make her feel superior to you and help her rationalize her behaviors. Her mind is in a completely different place then yours so any communication will be misinterpreted in ways you was not expecting.
Author lol_funny Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 Yeah I agree I jus read it back & it's not very pretty. I actually feel better that I typed it out and someone got to read how I was feeling anyway, without showing her how much she got under my skin. I definitely won't send it. Thx guys.
mendsley Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Good for you, I was the guy who sent the same type of letters. She left me for another man and I fell apart, there will always be things in a break up situation that you will think back and say "holy crap what the hell was I thinking, why did I do that". Things said, or typed, are embedded in that persons mind for a super long time. What you don't say will be a lot more powerful than what you do say. Silence is golden. Let your actions speak for you. Don't send it, move on with your life, get closure through success with yourself. Don't ever talk to her again. The best revenge is being better. That is very wise and TheLoneSock is spot on saying that, there is a thread talking about things EVERYONE goes thru during a break up, very good information, but one of the things I got out of it is when you dont tell her **** her mind will spiral out of control. That is one thing women do is think ALOT, so let let her think
Author lol_funny Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 Thx Mend. I just have to disappear & get past this. I cnt believe im still thinking about her contantly this far down the road (broke up 16 months!!! We have barely spoken at all over that time (4 or 5 times max, not at all since july until she contacted me last wk) & i will not have seen her in person for a YEAR in november!!! but i still obsess over her, check her fb, torture myself by lookin at this new guys facebk (i have deleted her). I know that i have self-destuct mode which i go into, & i must be in it at the moment bcos i just can focus. As i said the relationship itself was very up & down, i just feel like my life has been RULED by this girl for 5 years and it won't ever stop. (I kno this is crazy, but i used to imagine being with her as soon as we were introduced and way back before it happened , when she didnt want to get involved in a relationship, i use to have sleepness nights about her even then & feel like I NEED to be with her. I kno i sound a bit co-dep but i have had gf's before n got over them fine but something about this chick jus rocks my world, she is so kool and funny there is no1 like her for sure. So when we got together she turned out to be jus as amazing as i hoped. I am just crazy for this girl, she was my ideal, i do not know what to dO aaahhhhh!! I should be out having fun like other young ppl instead i am stuck in doors imagining scenarios that shes comes back to me (even tho i kno i couldnt take her back and make it work). I mean I am ok, i can function, but i just feel this constant grey cloud that follows me where ever i go. I have met pretty girls who have shown an interest, but whoever they are, they are not her. Maybe i will meet someone and be happy again, but i will not be excited about it. I lost the one i really wanted, i know it
Author lol_funny Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 hope i break her fkin ear drums! jus kiddin
mendsley Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 lol_funny, I am in the same situtation as you. In regards to the fact that this is a ton of time to go by with out any resolution, with our mind. I am not trying to be rude or negative when I say this but, you are being very weak. I can say that cause I did the same things, I devoted my life into figuring out what the hell she is doing, who she is with and is she having sex. Well step back and look at this, the one person you need to worry about is your self. Right now if she was looking over your shoulder while you investigate her she would think you are weak and she would be thinking "I made the right choice by leaving him". Everyone says to better yourself for yourself, but you need some type of motivation and mine was to make her think "why did I leave him, he has his **** together". Would your ex think that? You NEED to have a plan, for me I wrote down 5 things that I can do to help me move on emotionally and post them on your fridge so they can be looked at everyday before you step out of the house. 1) STOP looking at myspace and facebook (So I deleted both accounts) 2) I'm getting chubby so I started going to the gym 3) See a counselor 4) Focus on more on work while at work and not her 5) Not get involved with anyone until I know I am ready I have stuck to those five and I am soooo much better today than I was one year ago. You may have different things you need to work on but, you know what they are and only YOU can work on them to make yourself a better person. The only thing that ***s with me now is the dreams, I still have dreams almost everynight about her and they are always about her in other relationships. I'm not sure when those will stop but all I can do is ride those out
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